Well, the 4th Annual Waco Trip is done! Three years ago my son and I drove there to start his freshman year at Baylor University, and now he’s a senior. I have to be honest and say this entire trip was tinged with sadness for me.
It truly broke my heart to say goodbye to my son his freshman year, but it was also an exciting beginning for him, and all of us. I immediately became a “Baylor Mom,” and my son embraced college life. He loved Baylor almost right away, and on my yearly visits, I grew to love Waco- what a weird, funny, and amazing little town.
In the beginning our time at Baylor seemed to stretch in front of us forever… and now it’s over. I mean- I’m not trying to rush this year away. There’s a lot happening and I want my son to experience and appreciate every second of it, but really, it’s over. I know how fast it’s going to go, and the focus has already shifted to what comes next. Endings always make me sad.
Then, every year it’s apparent that my son needs me less and less. Freshman year he REALLY needed me to help him move in- he literally did not know a single person at Baylor when he arrived. He also didn’t have a car that year, so I spent move-in day driving him around to various stores to get all the things he needed for his room.
Sophomore year, he still really needed me. Now he had his own car, but had to get it to Texas, so it made sense to drive with him again. He was also moving into an apartment, which meant he needed all sorts of things that weren’t required in a dorm room, so we had a lot of shopping to do. I think that was my favorite year.
Junior year, he was moving into a house. He didn’t need as many new things, but he did appreciate my help in getting his things out of storage and moving them into the new place.
This year… he didn’t really need help at all. He had driven his car home from Texas in the spring, so he would have been fully capable of driving back by himself. And he kept the lease on his house all summer, which meant he was just going back to it. There was no move in or new things that he needed. All we had to do was arrive in Waco, and he was set.
That seemed like a good thing, but it turns out I liked it better when I had more to do. Moms like taking care of their kids, even when the kids are adults. I was aware that my presence wasn’t really necessary, and that was hard.
Don’t worry- we did have a good time on this trip, and I did some things I really enjoyed (more on that coming up.) But now that it’s over, the feeling of sadness lingers, and it’s just one of those sadnesses that has to linger until it’s time for it to stop. Or, it may never fully disappear, but will become less sharp over time.
Last year I had a mission to find all the Waco murals, but I was missing one, and I found it this year- “1000 Hopes for Waco.” Unfortunately a tree has grown right in the middle of it since it was painted in 2018, but I was still happy to finally see it.
In this article the artist says “In Waco… we’ve survived just about everything, but at this point… we have our wings up and are about to ascend and take off.” Ah, Waco- we will meet again, one last time, when we go up in May for graduation.
24 Responses
This is a beautiful post Jenny. I can just imagine the sadness, I am already anticipating it although I have many years to go before that happen, but I know it will happen one day, too soon for me to adjust to it, and I am already sad for that day. So I can totally relate although still not at the same stage.
As mom, I love to care for my girls and became more aware recently that they only need me now, so I am stopping to help, even spoon fed Sofia last night after a very long day for her. I don’t worry about her not being independent because she is becoming more self reliant day by day, maybe one day my job is to just provide her the comfort of home and unconditional love.
When kids stop needing us, it’s a job well done for the parent.
Thanks, Coco. I know- I have to remind myself that they’re supposed to become independent, that’s the goal. Do I want my son living at home with me forever? No, I do not (well, maybe a little… just kidding.) It’s one of those weird situations where it’s something you know is supposed to happen and you want it to happen, but it’s still sad. Life is weird.
Awww. Jenny…This post gave me ALL THE FEELS. While I don’t miss the little stages of parenting, I do find myself aching over the end of this current stage. My son still loves to come sit on my lap and snuggle. But he keeps getting taller and taller. He still loves to hold my hand and his hands still seem so tiny. But I know I’m going to blink and he’s GOING TO BE SO MUCH TALLER THAN ME.
My daughter is ALREADY SHARING CLOTHES WITH ME. AND LOCKING HERSELF IN THE BATHROOM TO DO ELABORATE SKINCARE ROUTINES. And I am writing in caps because it is just crazy. It feels like these things happen in the blink of an eye. The days are long but goodness the years are short.
Like, the next time the summer Olympics are on, my daughter will be going in to her final year of high school. What now?
So I get this and I know we’re kindred spirits on the post-event sadness (post-Christmas blues buddies forever).
I’m so glad you got to share all these special memories with your son and know you’ll both treasure them forever, but also 100% get the feeling of sadness that he needs you less and less and also that these road trips to Waco will soon be a chapter in the past. Hugs.
Thank you, Elisabeth! Now I’m thinking- when the next summer Olympics comes around my daughter will be in college. Oof.
Yes, I knew you would get it! This is so similar to post-Christmas depression, especially now that the trip is over. I looked forward to it all summer and now it’s done, and my son is gone. SIGH!
This brought me back, Jenny.
Yes–this can be a difficult time… our first-borns are finding independence, so it’s a time of pride, but simultaneously one of farewell. It’s not so much sadness as… emptiness, maybe?
In any case, It isn’t forever, and I hope happy things (graduation! good friends! other successes!) crowd out the blues soon.
Thank you Maya. Yes, emptiness is a good word. And you’re right- it doesn’t last forever. There will be plenty of good things, and in any case, like gets busy (school starts here on Monday) which means there’s no time for wallowing.
Awww Jenny. I am not quite there yet, life stage wise, but it’s coming. M will be starting his second year soon and it seems like his first year disappeared in a blink. Time just really goes faster and faster, and I guess that’s a good reason to adopt your “make every day count” motto.
My kids need me to do almost nothing for them and yay, competent adults. But also…well, I get your feelings.
On the upside, now my kids do things FOR me. So that’s kind of fun.
I am glad you had a great trip to Waco, and I hope your son has a great senior year.
Thank you Nicole! Yes, I will admit that it was nice when my son was here because HE made dinner for us twice a week! Now he’s excited about his senior year, so that makes me happy.
I saw seniors and their parents when we went to Eau Claire in the late spring, and I could tell right then in a flash how fast it was going to go. I remember those move-ins from my own life— and I am so, so, so glad my parents were there even though I really could do it all myself. All 4 of our parents even moved us into our first place in Madison— so your services will always be needed, is what I am saying.
Aw, thanks Sarah. Yes, I guess looking back on it, I always felt that I “needed” my parents in a certain sense. My son said he was glad I came with him- he might have been just trying to make me feel good, but I’ll take it!
I love how the message of the mural applies to your journey with your son! I’m not a parent, but I can look back at my own life, when I graduated high school and moved 2 hours away to college, and then when I graduated college and ended up moving 12 hours away out of state, how hard that must have been on my parents. Back then, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever go on trips with my family again, so I really embraced the experience when they moved me to start my first job. And luckily in the 10 years since then, we’ve all ended up back in the same state and see each other a couple of times per month, and I just had a lovely road trip with my parents a few weeks back.
So even though things are different now, they’re still beautiful in their own way and I hope you have a similar experience with your son!
Oh, i love it. I hope I can live near my son and still see him frequently when he’s out of school! Everything is so up in the air now- but your own story shows me how things can come full circle.
This post reminds me of a passage I highlighted in the book “Leaving” (which I don’t think I would recommend to you as it’s very character driven but it was a 5-star read for me!): “Those tiny people, clinging to your leg, your hip, they complain, they whimper, they raise their arms to be picked up, they want to ride your hip, interrupt your conversation, pat your lips as you speak. They come in to your bed when you are deeply asleep, burrowing into your unconsciousness, demanding that you abandon your sleep, deliver your attention, prove your affection. They are burdensome, beloved. They want something all the time, they want your breath, your thoughts, your heart. They depend on you; you must give yourself over. It’s you, the mother, who knows about the world, who lives in it, who must explain it to the child. Now it’s the reverse. Now Meg doesn’t depend on her mother for anything.”
Of course there is a transition from them being completely dependent upon you to them finding their independence but I imagine it is a bit jarring as a parent. But Paul will always need you and you guys have such a wonderful and special relationship. I think because I was the 4th child of 5, I wasn’t able to have that kind of relationship with my parents. Don’t get me wrong, they were wonderful parents and I have a wonderful relationship with them, I just didn’t have the depth of relationship that you have with Paul because my parents were spread so very thin. I think the only child that might have this kind of relationship with my parent is my youngest sister and that’s because she had them to herself for 7 years after I went to college, so she kind of had an “only child” type of set up for a good chunk of time.
But even as 43 year old woman, I still need my mom. I call her with questions about recipes or when my kids are sick or when I am sick. But it is a different kind of relationship when they can completely exist without your nurturing and care…
Wow, thanks for this comment, Lisa. It’s definitely a complicated subject. Because there’s a six year age difference between my kids, I had a LOT of time alone with my son when he was little. I can see how it would be different if there were four or five kids in the family! And that’s a beautiful quote. Looking back on it, I agree that I still needed my parents until the very end. I didn’t DEPEND on them, but I did need them in a way. My son knows that I’m always on his side and he can call on me at any time- which I guess is the way it’s supposed to be at this stage.
Time does fly and soon another stage in his life will emerge – marriage, kids?
Glad to hear you had fun.
Well, yes! I am looking forward to having grandkids. My son is nowhere close to that yet, but he definitely wants kids eventually.
I’ve just been reflecting how much I need my parents again in my early 40s, when for most of my 20s and 30s I was completely independent- seeing them was nice but didn’t feel necessary. Now they have just moved interstate to be 10 mins drive away and I am so happy and grateful. Our little family needs care at this time of our lives, and mum and dad are there for us, just like they’ve always been. They love it as much as us 🙂
Anyway I’m glad you’ve had a nice trip, despite there being some sadness navigating into a new life stage,
Thank you, Sophie! This is so nice to hear. That seems normal- I think we start to need our parents again when we have kids of our own. I’m definitely looking forward to being a grandma!!! I mean- eventually. Not quite yet : )
Oh, I really, really get it. With my son it happened even sooner because he was in school in the US and we’re in Canada, so we had to buy him a car to get back third year and then couldn’t see him for months. He’s pretty solidly adulting now, although he appreciates being fed when he’s home. He starts his first real job in the fall, after four years undergrad and two of a masters, so shit is really getting really real.
Luckily I have my daughter, who’s going into fourth year, which does have that tinge of sadness, but she still likes to have me around for a lot of stuff.
I do absolutely really enjoy my kids as adults, and I know it’s right and good that they make their own lives. But I will never not miss the little years, and being needed like that.
Yes, most people say they enjoy having adult children. But most people also have that tinge of sadness that you’re describing. This is one of those things in life that seems like it should be easier- I mean, we know this is going to happen and it’s supposedly what we want- But it’s so hard to let them go.
I also still have my daughter at home, phew. She has three more years of high school and I’m trying to appreciate every single day with her, because I know it won’t be forever.
Awwww! This makes me sad. But I know, it’s reality. I feel like this kind of about Ethan in high school… he’s already a sophomore! And then I’ll blink and this year will be over and he’ll be a junior, and then a senior….. all going so fast. But I love that you still went and you still got to spend that special time with him. What is he majoring in? You’ve probably mentioned this but I can’t recall at the moment…
Endings make me always sad too. I can imagine that it’s hard when your kinds spread their wings and rely no you less and less. I think you’ll always have a wonderful and close relationship with your son (from what you share about him).
It’s that “last time” phenomenon. You know this will be the last time you drive your son to Waco to start a new year of college, and it was extra sad because it was probably this stark truth that he’s an adult who needs you less and less for the typical mom things. That shift must be super hard! This has been your job for the past two decades!! I love the way you write about motherhood and your kids, and this was really wonderfully written. <3
Oh, Jenny. On the one hand, you know it’s one of the last times, so you can kind of mourn in advance. On the other, you will probably – or, rather, you WILL – feel pangs of this all year and then afterwards. I’m so glad your son has had such a wonderful experience at Baylor and that YOU have had a wonderful time while he’s been there. <3 Cherish all the moments this year.