NaBloPoMo 2022- Jumping Right In!
It’s finally here! NationalBlogPostingMonth has begun. I’ll be joining San and many other bloggers in the challenge to post 30 blogs posts in the month of November. Check out San’s page for a list of participants! Recently, my thirteen-year-old daughter said “I feel like everyone else knows how to do everything, and I’m just pretending.” Well, ACTUALLY, I told her, almost everyone feels like that most of the time, and there’s even a name for it- Imposter Syndrome. According to Wikipedia, “Imposter syndrome is a psychological occurrence in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.” It’s an exaggeration to say I feel that way most of the time, of course- I don’t feel like an imposter when I’m driving, or cooking, or grocery shopping. But I definitely suffer from imposter syndrome at work. I’m a massage therapist, and usually give four or five massages a day. There are times when I get into a flow state, and am so focused that I don’t have any extraneous thoughts. And there are times where I genuinely feel like I can’t help someone, and recommend a different therapist. I have no problem with that. But a lot of the time I have those irrational thoughts: I’m not doing a good job, this person is unhappy with my massage, they were expecting something different, etc. The craziest thing is, I have it especially badly when someone actually PRAISES me. If someone says “That was the best massage ever! It was exactly what I wanted! I’m coming back again next week,” I’ll actually dread seeing them again. I’m afraid the next time they come, they’ll be disappointed. I might forget what kind of massage I gave them the first time, and they’ll realize they don’t like me after all. I know this makes no sense! I’ve gone to school for this, and I’ve been doing it for years. I’m not going to “forget” how to give a massage from one week to the next! I would love to know what causes this irrational fear of being discovered as a fraud- is it some kind of mental malfunction, like a phobia of spiders, or clowns? Or is it simply the result of an overactive mind, and not staying present? Last year at the end of October, when San mentioned NaBloPoMo, I had only been blogging a little over a year. I thought, “Sure, I’ll join! Why not?” I jumped in, and I guess you could say I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Once I got started it seemed like everyone else was much more experienced, and seemed like actual writers. I thought “What did I get myself into?” But I persevered, and I’m so glad I did. And I’m glad I didn’t overthink it before I started, or I wouldn’t have done it at all. Now that I’ve been blogging a little longer, I can appreciate that there are no rules for blogging. There are so many different subjects and styles- the blogging police won’t come and tell you you’re doing it wrong. You can post about something “important” or you can blog about your mug collection. It’s totally worth jumping in and seeing what you can do- why not? In a way, we’re all making it up as we go along. A huge thank you to San for organizing #NaBloPoMo again this year! It’s not too late to join us if you want to jump in as well. And as always, thanks for reading. I’m glad to be here.