Passion
Today is Day #8 of NaBloPoMo and I’m also linking up with Kim and Zenaida for their Tuesday Topics! Last year on the first day of NaBloPoMo, I published a post called “Why Do You Run?” I shared my running story- how I hated my body so much in high school, started running my senior year in a “special” PE class, and how that began my transition to a healthier self-image and acceptance of my body. That’s why I started running, and grew to love it. But why do I run now? Well… You always hear about people quitting their tedious 9-5 jobs in order to “pursue their passion” and give life more meaning. But what if you did it the other way around? Pursued your passion, as far as it could possibly go, and then moved on to something you’re less passionate about? I’ve mentioned that my husband is a trumpet player, my son is a trumpet performance major in college right now, and my daughter is a flute player. But I’ve never said what I did before I became a massage therapist… I was a professional trumpet player. Like my kids, I played in my high school band. I went to summer music camp and All-State, and then went to college as a trumpet performance major. My dream was to play in a symphony orchestra. After college I moved to Florida (long story, but I was following a boyfriend) and worked as a freelance musician for five years. I played in a brass quintet, played in a ballet orchestra, and subbed in the Philharmonic. When that boyfriend and I broke up, I moved to New York City to continue pursuing a music career. I started playing shows and then worked for a company that produced Broadway shows like Evita and 42nd St. in Germany. We lived in different cities- Berlin, Hamburg, Munich- for several months at a time while we played the show. Since the producer was German, we were mostly in Germany but also played in Zurich, Vienna, and- once- played Milan and Paris. It was an amazing job. We would play eight shows a week but were otherwise free to explore the area. Mondays were off so sometimes we would take day trips to nearby cities like Prague or Copenhagen. I did this for years. At first it was fun, but as time went on I got tired of living in hotels and playing the same show over and over again. It wasn’t what I envisioned for my life when I chose a music career. I wanted an orchestra job, but the truth was, I wasn’t good enough. Most people aren’t- if you look at the number of players coming out of school and the number of positions open in a symphony orchestra, only the very, very best even have a chance of playing at the top level. I had some issues with my playing that were holding me back. I had been trying to correct them for years but reality was setting in. I had gotten as far as it was possible for me to go. It was at this point that I met my husband- we were playing the same show (West Side Story.) He also was looking to change his life, so at the end of that tour we moved to Florida, got married and hoped to start a family. I knew trumpet playing was done for me- continuing to struggle with a freelance career wasn’t appealing- and I wanted to train for something else. But I was 35 years old and didn’t feel like I had much time to spend on it because I wanted to get pregnant as quickly as possible. So I picked something I had a mild interest in, and that you could get a license for fairly quickly- massage therapy. I got my massage therapy license and had my kids. I work as a massage therapist to earn money, but the focus of my life for the last twenty years has been my family. I’ve never grumbled (much) at the sacrifices raising kids entails, because I had my adventures when I was younger. I got to travel and have an incredible time, and even though my career wasn’t what I originally dreamed of, it had its shining moments. Now my kids are older and I’m realizing this phase of my life will also be over. It won’t be that long before they’re both on their own. I like being a massage therapist, but I don’t love it. It’s not my “passion.” You know that feeling where, at the end of the day, that thought creeps into your head; “Is this all there is? Shouldn’t there be something else?” My husband now teaches band to beginners and middle schoolers, and although there’s a lot of complaining (“I never wanted to be a band director!”) he also still plays the trumpet. Last week he played with a jazz combo and came home glowing- “This is what it’s all about!” I don’t have that anymore, but I have running. Running is my “something else,” the thing that transcends the ordinariness of everyday life. We all need something… or something else. Is your job your passion? Or do you have something else in your life to fill that need?