Comparison, Guilt, and My New Schedule
Earlier in the week, Birchwood Pie published a post about her decision to quit her mind-numbing, hateful job (hooray!) and possibly not go back to work. I hope this scenario comes to pass (partially because I’m selfishly hoping she’ll start blogging more often) but I have to admit, it made me feel a little bad about myself. I’m 57! Why can’t I stop working? Boy, I’ve really mismanaged my finances. At the same time, I read other blogs where women seem to be working much more than me. Wait a minute! I shouldn’t be thinking about not working- I should be working more! To be clear, I know our goal here is to build each other up. No one is trying to make anyone feel bad- this is all just my own craziness. It reminded me of a podcast episode I listened to last week, where Sally McRae (an incredible ultrarunner) was answering listener questions about training, specifically about building a training program when you have kids. She warned against falling into the trap of thinking “So-and-so has FOUR kids, and she runs 70 miles a week- should I be doing that?” Sally emphasized that every family is unique. And the more kids you have, the more unique your family is (wait- I only have two. Should I have had more? Just kidding.) The specific needs of your family will never match the needs of someone else’s, so no two training plans will look alike. Factor work into the equation, and each family becomes even more unique. This is all a very long way to say, I have a new work schedule and I’m pretty excited about it. As a reminder, I work as a massage therapist, and the place I work is open 9 am-10 pm, so no one works a typical 9-5 schedule. I’ve always revolved my workday around my kids’ school schedules, and my employers are fine with whatever I choose (they just want us to pick a schedule and stick with it.) Now that my daughter is in high school, school starts at 7:30 (ouch.) I’ll drop her off at 7, and then have THREE HOURS to do my workout, eat breakfast and get ready for work. I’ll work 10-3, at which time I’ll leave to pick my daughter up (she’s eligible for a bus, but has to carry her guitar to and from school most days- guitars aren’t allowed on the bus.) Those five hours I’m working will be intense, because I won’t be taking a break. But while I’m excited about this schedule, I also feel guilty about it. I feel guilty that I’m not starting work at 9, because there’s a shortage of therapists willing to work at 9 am (my coworker assured me that is NOT MY PROBLEM. Besides, I work at 9 am on Saturdays, so they’re pretty lucky I’m willing to do that!) But I also feel guilty because I’m prioritizing my workouts so much. I do have a 50 mile race to train for (ACK! Every time I say that, part of my brain goes “You signed up for WHAT???”) but at the end of the day, it’s just a hobby. I’m putting a lot of time and effort into something that I’m not getting paid for. Shouldn’t I be putting that time and effort into my career? I’m not sure there’s a correct answer to that question. Some people will probably say “You do you! Don’t worry about what anyone else is doing!” and some might say “Stop being a lazy bum and work normal hours! Put your daughter on the bus and say, tough luck, missy!” Or, there’s probably a middle ground there somewhere. Anyway, that’s my new schedule, effective today! I’ll see how it goes, and like most things in life… if it’s not working, I can always change it. Do you work a traditional 9-5 schedule? Or do you have unusual hours? Do you work from home? (Photo by Eric Rothermel on Unsplash)