It’s My Party, and I’ll Cry If I Want To
Uh oh! It’s another “dumpster fire mug” coffee date! What is wrong NOW, you ask? Oh, just the same old thing…my calf. I had FOUR good runs. FOUR! And then, on the fifth run my calf pain came back, sinking me into depression. Then I felt guilty for being depressed. I ran through all the usual reasons why my life is great: I’m not blind! I’m not paralyzed. Everyone in my family is healthy. We’re not living in a war zone… etc, etc, etc. Okay, I’m lucky. Then I made a list of all the reasons running makes me happy. It makes me feel healthy, it makes me feel young. I love being outside, moving forward on my own two feet. Training for races gives me a sense of purpose. The races themselves are adventures for me- I get to travel, explore a new trail, and experience a brand new challenge every time. Let’s see, is there anything else in my life that checks all these boxes? Nope. The thing is… we get one life. I’ve figured out what makes me happy. When I can’t run, I’m not able to live my life the way I want to, and that makes me sad. So, yes- it’s okay for me to be sad! I’m pretty sure no one reading this was criticizing me- it was all in my own mind. Okay, so we’ve condoned depression. What I don’t condone is complaining about something but not doing anything to fix it, so yesterday I started a new treatment program with my sports chiropractor. I didn’t go to him at first because I really wanted to try dry needling and he doesn’t do that. But now I’m back with him, and we’ll see what happens. SOMETHING has to work, eventually. In addition to my not-running malaise, I’ve been feeling the effects of time and my kids growing up. SHU recently posted about her challenges of dealing with a new school schedule this year, and I remember that so well. I only have two kids, but because they’re six years apart, my parenting years have been drawn out! My kids also never went to the same school, so the challenges of figuring out the schedule of getting them both to and from school, and then dealing with one of them changing schools and uprooting the existing schedule, were a huge focus of my life for a long time. Now… we’re in the home stretch. My son is in college and my daughter is a sophomore in high school. There’s no more switching schools- this is it. That thought made me sad. I’m not ready for an empty nest! Hopefully by the time it happens- three years from now- I will be ready. But let’s end on a happier note. Yesterday I needed a mood boost, and I knew just where to go. I LOVE when fall things appear in the stores! I went to Bath and Body works and smelled all the candles. I love all the names- Brewed Coffee, Flannel, Sweater Weather… the most intriguing one was “Pink Lavender and Espresso” (that one actually smelled terrible, though.) My favorite was Pumpkin Clove, but I didn’t buy it. They only had it in the three-wick size, and I wasn’t ready to commit to that many hours of pumpkin clove. Fall is coming! You can tell me it’s too early, but I won’t listen. This wasn’t much of a coffee date- more like a one-sided whine-fest- but what would you tell me over coffee? Do you like fall-scented candles?