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Friday Coffee Date- Managing Expectations

Hi there!  Guess what I would talk about over coffee this week- my race!  Tomorrow after work I’ll drive up to Inverness, about four hours away.  I’ll spend the night up there and then Sunday, run my 50K.  I’m excited!  But, it’s interesting to compare this excitement to how I felt before my 50 mile race in February.

I was looking forward to it so much, I could barely contain myself for the entire two weeks beforehand.  Looking back, I did have certain expectations about that race.

I trained for so long- it felt like forever- and did so many long runs, I absolutely expected to finish that race.  I also wanted to finish before dark.  As a matter of fact, I bought a cheap, inferior headlamp, thinking (hoping) that I probably wouldn’t have to use it.  So I did have an expectation of how long it would take, or more accurately, I had a time goal.

This time, due to circumstances, I signed up for the race almost on a whim.  At the time I signed up, my ankle was still sore and there was no guarantee I would even be able to run it.  I threw myself into an abbreviated training program, topped out at one 20 mile long run, and said “Good enough!”

Honestly, I’m kind of enjoying this more laid-back attitude.  Hey, whatever happens, happens!  I’ll run it as fast as I can (or, as slowly.) I’ve already completed a 50K, so I’m not afraid of the distance.  I’m just going to get out there and enjoy myself.  It’s nice to have lowered expectations.  Isn’t that one of the keys to happiness- expect less?  I’ve mastered it here.

Yesterday during my run I listened to this episode of Trail to 100 podcast.  Kathleen Hanley was the guest, and she talked about different ultras she’s run.  Her main advice for running a race is: Experience it, and be present with whatever experience you’re having.  

Looking back on my 50 mile race- yes, it was a huge disappointment, but it was still an experience.  I got to see half the course; I got to see what goes on behind the scenes at an aid station; I found out what it feels like to DNF a race.  Not all experiences are rainbows and sunshine, but they all make up our lives.

I think that’s why it was so easy for me to write that race recap. If I had thought “ugh, I wish that day had never happened,” well- I wouldn’t have had much to say.  But there was actually a LOT to say- I had an incredible experience to share, even though it wasn’t the experience I expected to have.

Do I have any expectations for this race?  Well, I would like to make it to the start line intact, and I would like to get through the race with no injuries.  But there are no guarantees!  I’ll try my best to make it happen, and take whatever the day gives me.

What would you tell me over coffee?  Have you ever thought about how your expectations affect your happiness?

Top photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

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Runfessions and Fallfessions!

Well, it’s the last Friday of the month and you know what that means- I’m linking up with Marcia for Runfessions!  But first- let’s talk, once again, about pumpkins. I said I wasn’t going to talk about pumpkins in every post, but yesterday Nicole sent me this: I love it!  And I love how when people see tons of pumpkins, they immediately think of me.  I am officially the Crazy Pumpkin Lady!  But did you know it wasn’t always this way? When I lived up north, I actually- gasp- HATED fall!  I know- the irony!  I grew up in Illinois (the pumpkin capital) where I could do all the fall things- go apple picking, see fall colors, wear sweaters… and I hated it.  What I really hated, of course, was winter, but fall meant winter was coming. In my 20s I was still living up north (why? WHY?) and one day I went for a walk with a friend.  He pointed out the beautiful colors of the leaves, and I told him I couldn’t see the beauty- all I could see was that winter was coming.  He said “Can’t you just appreciate this now and enjoy yourself, without worrying about what’s coming next?”  My response was, “If you knew you were going to prison next month, would you be able to put that out of your mind and enjoy yourself today?” Yes, that sounds dramatic, but it’s truly how I felt.  Every winter the entire world turned gray.  It felt like someone threw a thick blanket over me, and I had to struggle through every day with that encumbrance.  This was right around the beginning of SAD lamps, but they weren’t widespread.  It wasn’t like you could just order one on Amazon.  I’m not sure there was a SAD lamp big enough and strong enough to fix my SAD, anyway. Now you know why I live in Florida!  But- the irony continues- after living here for about ten years, I started to notice how frickin hot it is in September… and October… and November.  I started to “miss” fall- or rather, the romanticized notion I had of it.  A crisp fall day would feel amazing right about now.  So… Pumpkin Palooza was born. I mention all this because for those of you who are dreading the winter (Hi Engie!  Hi Kim!) I want you to know I truly empathize.  It IS awful, and if you’re not enjoying fall, I don’t blame you one bit.  (Side note- Florida is a lovely place to visit in January- just saying.) Now wait just a minute! (you might be thinking.) How is this “runfessions?” Well, it’s hard to have a lot of runfessions when you’re not running very much.  I’m plugging along, a little frustrated that this is where I’m at (when I thought I was going to run a 12 hour race in November) but at the same time grateful that I can run at all. Recently I heard someone on a podcast describe training like this: every time you run, or do your strength work, or mobility, or whatever you’re doing to train, you’re placing one brick on top of another.  It doesn’t look like anything at first, but if you’re consistent, eventually you’ll have built an entire wall.  Every once in a while someone comes along with a sledgehammer and smashes your wall to pieces; and then you begin all over again. I’ll just be over here laying down my bricks.  And- stay away from me with that sledgehammer!  I’ve had enough for the time being. How’s your fall going- are you enjoying it? Is your “running wall” big and strong, or are you building it back up from the rubble like I am?  

Reading and Eating (and a Pumpkin House!)

Okay seriously, I’m not going to talk about pumpkins in every single post.  But after my post yesterday about the imaginary 100 pumpkins in my front yard, Kae sent me this: This is a house IN HER TOWN.  She said they decorate it this way every year.  Life goals right here! Let’s talk about reading.  I almost had a reading emergency this week.  I had TWO BOOKS from my hold list come available on the same day: I’ve been on the list for the Liz Moore for weeks and weeks, and I didn’t expect it right now.  I also didn’t expect the Liane Moriarty, because I just put the hold on it last week.  When these holds came in, I was 300 pages into a 1000 page book (Ken Follett’s Edge of Eternity) and I didn’t see how I was going to finish that and read both of these in two weeks. Then I remembered our library recently extended the loan period of new books to three weeks- PHEW!  I can get them all read by October 9th.  I was so excited to read The God of the Woods until I read Birchie’s post from Monday- she didn’t like it, WHAT???  I thought everyone has been liking that one!  Well, I’ll have to read it and see what the controversy is all about. Eating-wise, I continue to limp along.  My plan of doing meal prep on Sunday has not been working out (what a surprise!) Instead I’ve been making something on Sunday that can be eaten for two meals- Sunday and Monday- and then cobble things together for the rest of the week.  We always have takeout on Friday, so it’s only three dinners to get through. On Sunday I wanted to make pumpkin pasta but my daughter had a sore throat (everyone has been getting sick around here!) so I decided to make soup instead.  I made the Coconut Curry Lentil Soup from Nora Cooks.  I chose it because I was pretty sure my daughter would like it, and I was right! It was a good soup- nothing amazing about it, but it was tasty, and like most soups it was better the second day. Next up- I need to make some kind of pumpkin dessert!  In the same post where Birchie stomped all over my reading dreams, she linked to a very delicious-looking pumpkin cookie. That may have to happen this weekend. Have you read The God of the Woods?  Did you like it? Has anyone read the Liane Moriarty? Do you have a favorite fall soup? Top photo by Frames For Your Heart on Unsplash  

100 Pumpkins

Hello there!  Let’s kick off the final 100 days of the year with some fall fun.  First up…. The Cool Bloggers Postcard Club is officially underway.  This arrived from Birchie and Kyria. from their meetup in Buffalo! Soooo fun.  I need to start sending out some postcards of my own. As we all know, Sunday was the first official day of fall.  I wanted to kick my fall celebrating up a notch, but couldn’t think what to do.  I already have all my fall decor out, including orange lights strung across my bookshelves; I light a fall candle every day, drink my tea from a fall mug each morning, and have made pumpkin pasta, oatmeal, waffles and pancakes.  Hmm. My sister agreed that it was hard to top all that, and suggested that I get 100 pumpkins and put them in my front yard.  Ha ha, that’s a GREAT idea!  My husband would just love that, especially when they all start to rot in the hot sun.  Obviously she was joking, but I can’t get the idea out of my mind.  I texted my sister yesterday: Every time I drive up to my house, I imagine 100 pumpkins in my front yard.  I can just picture how it would look, and what the neighbors would be saying.  I wonder if our HSA has regulations against such a thing?  Well, it’s s nice fantasy. As much as I love pumpkin season, I’m starting to get excited about Halloween!  I follow a strict decorating schedule: September 1st- fall decor comes out.  October 1st- most of the fall decor is replaced by Halloween decs.  November 1st- Halloween things are sadly put away, and fall decor comes back with the addition of some specific Thanksgiving items. I LOVE looking at the Halloween decorations in the stores, but I also have a rule for that: I’m only allowed to CONSIDER buying something if it has a black cat on it.  I definitely don’t need any more Halloween stuff, but I do have a black cat theme going on, so if I see something with a black cat, I’m allowed to- possibly- buy it. However, Suzanne recently had a super fun post all about ghost decorations she’s considering.  They’re so cute!  Maybe I need some ghosts for my front yard?  I think I do!  (Maybe I need 100 of them- just kidding.) Wednesday is my day off, and I’m planning a trip to Hobby Lobby and Michael’s.  Hobby Lobby isn’t a store I shop at often, but I usually go at this time of year, because they REALLY know how to do fall and Christmas.  Unfortunately they don’t carry any Halloween items, so I’ll head to Michaels for that.  I’m looking forward to a fun “browsing spree”- I’ll probably buy a couple things, but will mostly just enjoy looking at everything. Do you enjoy browsing in stores?  – I love it!  That was probably the thing I missed most during Covid. Do you put up Halloween decorations? Any specific plans for the last 100 days of the year?

Weekly Rundown- Back At It

Happy official first day of fall!  Of course, the weather is not fall-ish here, but we will not speak of such things.  We WILL speak about my calf though- it’s still feeling good, and I went from running every third day to every other day.  Progress!  I’m linking up as always with Kim and Deborah for this Weekly Rundown.  Here’s how it all played out… Monday The last time I ran was Saturday, so this was my first every-other-day run since coming back from the calf injury.  Everything is feeling good, but I’m still nervous about it, so I was very conservative- I walked one mile and ran two. I followed the run with a Caroline Girvan standing core workout.  I’ve decided that I like standing core workouts, if they use dumbbells.  You don’t get the same burn as with deadbugs or crunches, but I like the way I have to stabilize my core against the weighted arm moves. Tuesday Strength day at home- hip stability (including Runner’s Touch and the one leg sit-to-stand.)  I also got out my pull-up bar and did dead hangs and scapular retractions (you hang from the bar and lift yourself up a few inches without bending your arms, only by retracting your shoulder blades.) Boy, are my lats weak.  I rounded it all off with the tried-and-true Caroline Girvan deadbug workout.. Wednesday This was a big day- I got back to the cross country trail!  I haven’t been here since the end of May. I walked a mile and then ran 4.  I loved being back and I LOVED running in the daylight! Thursday Upper body strength workout from Sally McRae’s app, and then this MadFit standing abs workout.  This is officially my favorite standing core workout (thank you, Engie!) I feel it in my core, there’s some balance involved, and it’s a good upper body workout as well. Friday Third run of the week! Once again I was super conservative- walked one mile and then ran one. Followed this up with hip stability exercises and squats. At night I went to our high school football game! Our team is undefeated this year, and we won 48-0.  I actually felt a little sorry for the other team.  The band had to play their halftime show on the track because the field was so wet, but it was still a fun night! Saturday Off!  Friday was a late night, so it felt good to sleep in a little before going to work. Sunday Ooh, I’m excited.  On tap for today- a trail run!  I’m going to my second favorite trail- my first favorite has a lot of sand and I don’t think my calf is quite ready for that yet- and I’ll do 6 miles (the first mile will be walking though.) As you can see, it was a great week!  The only thing that marred it a little was my low back, which has been very achy.  It doesn’t hurt when I run (so it’s not a “real” problem, ha) but I babied it a little and didn’t go to the gym for any heavy squats or deadlifts.  Hopefully I’ll get that back on track this week. How was your week?  Are you celebrating the first day of fall?

27 Responses

  1. I think ‘experience it and be present with whatever experience you are having’ is great advice for life in general. It’s a good reminder for me because I can be a little bit more stoic about things and sometimes that stoicism comes about because I am not really letting myself experience things? Instead I am kind of in a ‘it’s fine, everything’s fine, don’t worry’ state of mind which isn’t healthy generally speaking. Or isn’t always the healthy way to process things.

    I do think it is nice/healthy to come into this race with kind of low expectations or an expectation to enjoy it (as much as a person can enjoy a race featuring biting flies – ha!). It wasn’t an ideal training cycle but that is ok because this race has a different purpose/goal than the 50 mile one did. I hope you finish with a smile on your face (again if that is possible! 50ks are hard!!)

    If we were getting coffee/tea I would talk about my rheumatology doctor appt and how I am processing that. I do need to shift to getting in clinic infusions. I kind of had a toddler ‘I don’t wanna’ mindset about them when we talked about them previously but I came around to them since I am in quite a bit of pain from this endless flare. And they don’t sound as bad as I thought they were. They take 2 hours at first but then eventually it’s only 1 hour once they know how your body handles the meds. It still sucks but it is the right decision because what we are currently doing isn’t working and we have exhausted our other non-infusion options. Womp womp. I’d also vent about my terrible sleep which is from the stupid steroids. I can’t wait to be off them but I have been on a high dose for so long so the taper is going to take some time.

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    1. Ooh Lisa, this is hard! Hopefully it will solve the problem, get you off the steroids, and then you’ll sleep better- and think “Why was I resisting this for so long?” Good luck with it!!!

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  2. I say all the time that the key to happiness is low expectations! Maybe “lower” is less pessimistic, but it definitely works for me and my mindset. I hope you have a good race, for whatever definition of “good” happens.

    Over coffee, I would tell you that I’m excited for my trip, but a little nervous about leaving Mom alone. I’m not worried, exactly, but I can unfortunately picture things that could go wrong. But hey, I’m going and we’ll see what happens! I’m going to have fun anyway, visiting my friends. Fingers crossed that the travel goes smoothly!

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    1. Ooh! I don’t know where you’re going but I know how to find out : ) I’ll stop by your blog and find out the details. I hope you have fun!

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  3. As horrible as the ankle injury was, I think you’ll look back (and maybe already are) at the experience with some happiness, too? Like you got that particular notch in your belt of having a really tough experience. You learned SO much and I suspect it will make you appreciate when things go smoothly even more. I wish you had avoided all the pain (and cold!!), but I can 100% tell this has made you so much stronger mentally about running ultra distances.

    I’m so proud of you and very much wish I could be there cheering you on in person. I CANNOT WAIT TO READ YOUR RACE RECAPS!!! I hope the catnip works 😉

    Every day when I say goodbye to the kids I tell them to: Be kind, be safe, be neat and HAVE FUN. The neatness part doesn’t really apply here, and in terms of kindness I just mean be kind to yourself. Really, I guess, what I want you to do is be safe and have so. much. freaking. fun.

    XoXo!!!!

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    1. Thank you so much Elisabeth!!! I will do all those things except be neat. I will definitely be a mess when this race is over. I appreciate the kind words as always!

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  4. I think “take whatever the day gives me” and “be present with whatever experience you are having’ are amazing and compassionate in an almost Buddhist way. (And yet, I am SO excited for you, and hope you achieve all your goals this weekend!!)

    Now I’m going to go find your post about your February race…

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  5. I love this post soooo much! You have such a good attitude about your 50-mile race and the lessons it taught you. I think that’s such a good way to look at a lot of things that life gives us: It’s not what we may have expected, but it’s what we got and what has it taught us? I think going into this 50k race with the mindset of enjoying the experience and being present with what’s in front of you is a great thing! You get to do a thing you love with other people who love the same thing! ENJOY YOUR RACE!!

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    1. Thank you Stephany!!! Yes, I get to do this, and it’s what I love. Those are good things to remind myself when the going gets tough.

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  6. That’s such a great attitude to reflecting on the race earlier this year and what you have this weekend, too! With how much training that goes in to them and how long they are – whether you finish or not – there has to be some lessons in the process and experience! I’m a little different in that I always expect things to go wrong (working on it, haha!) and am trying to get to a place of just letting things be what they are.

    Over coffee, I would probably show you way too many dance pictures of my girl from competition May and chat about recital June and the end of school (yikes), before picking your brain on calves, ankles, and running.

    Sending you so many good thoughts (and swat luck) for Sunday! GO JENNY!!

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    1. Thank you Lindsay! I definitely wish we were sitting down for coffee- I want to see those photos! And… your calf is still bothering you (mooing?) What’s that about, hmm. We’ll figure it out.

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  7. OMG IT’S ON SUNDAY ALREADY EEEEE!
    Jenny, this was so refreshing to read. The fact that you are just going to experience the race is just so…well, it’s leveling up! It’s so interesting to read about your expectations for this versus the other one, and I love that you acknowledge that, while disappointing, the DNF was an experience that you can still learn from and think about. Everything isn’t rainbows and sunshine, but that is how we grow as people, I think. I just love your attitude and I will be thinking about you on Sunday! Best of luck! Hope it isn’t too hot and buggy for you!

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    1. Thank you Nicole! I appreciate your support, always. It will definitely be hot on Sunday… but maybe the bugs will stay away??? We’ll find out!

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  8. Your race is so close now, I’m so excited for you! And I think it’s great that you’re going in with lower expectations than you did for your 50 miler — sometimes we can get too caught up in hoping we have the “perfect” race day that aligns with our training and that rarely happens, usually we have to manage some issue that pops up, and I think that’s what ultrarunning is about. I hope that whatever happens during the race that ultimately, you enjoy it and I can’t wait to read about it!

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    1. Yes, I just finished listening to Joe Corcione’s LONG recap of Cocodona 250, and he definitely said ultrarunning isn’t about avoiding problems, it’s about being able to solve the problems that come up. Btw he mentioned your race- the 38 miler that was the last 38 miles of the 250. That must have been amazing!!!

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      1. So cool that he mentioned my race – I’ll have to listen to that recap! And it was really inspiring to share the course with the 250 milers, many of them were still moving really well even after already covering 200+ miles which was wild! I’m hoping to eventually attempt the Cocodona 250 so it was neat to experience some of the course.

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  9. I’ve been really impressed with the way you handled DNFing the last race and the injury that caused you to DFN. You’ve had, in my opinion, a really measured response to it. I feel like I’ve learned a lot from it and if I ever experience something similar I’ll absolutely look back on how you metabolized your disappointment and made it a learning experience to help me do the same.
    Ditto on your handling your injury and subsequent recuperation.
    So thank you!
    I’ve been thinking about you (and SHU!) all week, keeping fingers crossed that you both make it to your starting lines feeling good both physically and mentally. I’ll be thinking of you all weekend, especially Sunday.
    I’ve run one marathon and I did it to say I’d done it and I never considered doing one again. I have to admit, reading your blog has made me consider training for another one! You seem to love it so much and if you can run a 50K likes it’s no big thing surely I could run another marathon.
    Writing that out makes me laugh, because it would be a big deal for me to attempt that, but it’s a testament to your positive attitude that reading you would make me even consider it.
    I hope your race is super fun and that you look back on it fondly. And mostly importantly that you come out of it without the need to recuperate from injury!

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  10. Thank you so much Noemi! That makes me really happy. My main goal for this blog isn’t to blather on and on about my life (although I do plenty of that) but to inspire and encourage other people. I would be so, so thrilled if you ran another marathon-but I think these life lessons are applicable even if people don’t run. I mean… we’re all in this together so we may as well share what we’ve learned and build each other up.
    Thanks for the kind words and support!

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  11. I am guilty as charged of going into a race with too high expectations. The worst was my first half marathon. I had run a 10 mile race a few weeks before where I did incredibly well, and I did not consider any other outcome besides running the half at an even faster pace. Well…the race was in May and it was a freakishly hot day that came out of nowhere. I started the race gung ho and really pushed myself…and then felt like it was the End of the World when I started having heat stress. I really beat myself up over that race simply because I didn’t know that, duh, bad races happen.

    So yes, it makes sense to manage expectations and to see the race as one step of your journey as a runner…but…I think that you’re in great shape for the race and that you will do more than simply have a good time. I know we’ll get some good blog posts out of it!

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  12. I sort of go through life with low expectations on everything and then I’m frequently surprised by how well things turn out. LOL. I think I miss a lot of anticipatory celebration, but I’m also rarely disappointed. I also can rarely be bothered to plan things farther ahead than about a week, so all of your training plans and tapering and whatever is magical to me!

    I don’t even know how I would fit in a coffee date right now with a friend unless you wanted to bring your coffee on a walk with me and the dog one morning. LOL. I’d talk about how I hate being overscheduled, but there’s nothing I can do about being overscheduled right now! It’s out of my control and I’m a bit grumpy about it.

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  14. I think approaching a race with the attitude of “experience it and be present with whatever experience you are having” is the perfect mindset. Just getting to the starting line is such a huge accomplishment that not many people even achieve… so I am hoping that whatever experience you’ll have this weekend, you’ll walk away with gratitude!

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  15. Totally, our expectation plays 50% of the role into our happiness. Happiness = expectation – reality. We can’t change reality or how things turn out but expectation is under our control. it’s easier said than done but I think it’s important to first be aware of our expectations, why we make them, and whether they are realistic or not, and what would be the baseline we could still be content.
    Good luck with the race, have fun!!!

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  16. Good luck tomorrow Jenny! You are going to have a great time. I think that your more laid back attitude is better, and you will have a better time no matter what, as your expectations are more realistic. We often put a lot of pressure on ourselves that is not necessary! I am not saying we will all learn not to do this, but I do think that after a couple of ultras you will wonder why you were so worried for the first one! Anyway, enjoy the experience, eat a lot of gummy bears and have a good time! You’ve got this!

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  17. Can’t wait to hear out it all goes!!! SHU is running RIGHT NOW and the darn tracker isn’t working so I have no idea how it’s going… I was soooo looking forward to following along with her so I’m super bummed!! I think there is definitely something to be said for some lower expectations and just sort of seeing how things go! I think about it in terms of travel plans- I usually have things pretty well researched and planned out, and that’s my general preference for bigger/ more expensive trips- but there is also something to be said for just showing up somewhere and going where the wind takes you!

    GOOD LUCK tomorrow!!!

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