When I mentioned in yesterday’s post that I had a “book dilemma,” Engie commented that she was afraid I wanted to DNF My Brilliant Friend. Fear not! I seem to be one of the few people who likes the book, and I’m looking forward to finishing it this week. It’s funny how we can all have such different tastes. Having different tastes is what my dilemma is all about, but first let’s look at a book I’m currently reading:
I discovered Ann Cleeves from Lindsay’s blog. I read the first one in the series, The Crow Trap, and enjoyed it. Now I’m reading the second one, Telling Tales, and I LOVE it! I was drawn into the story immediately and was completely engrossed in the character’s life. This is a book that changes narrators, and every time it changes I’m initially disappointed, because I was loving the previous point of view- but after a couple paragraphs I’m 100% engrossed in the new character. And, since I finished The Crow Trap, I feel confident that this too will be a mystery with a satisfying ending.
On to the dilemma. Months ago, I mentioned an elderly client who is an avid reader. Just for the fun of it, I asked her to recommend a recent book she’d read. I got the book out of the library and HATED it. I wanted to stop reading after two pages, but I kept on because I was vaguely curious about one of the plot points- but the ending turned out to be more stupid than I could ever have imagined. The only silver lining is that I was able to read it very quickly.
Not wanting to hurt this woman’s feelings, when she asked me about the book I said some things that weren’t lies and sounded vaguely positive: “Wow, I couldn’t believe that ending! That was so crazy!” All was well, until Christmas, when she brought me a nicely wrapped present… which was a book.
NOOOOOO! Now, I will say this one doesn’t look as bad as the other one, yet I still don’t feel like reading it. But I HAVE to! Once again, I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Has anyone heard of this book, or read it? Please tell me it’s good???
But my woes don’t end there! I have ANOTHER client- I mentioned her recently- who reads over 100 books a year, buys them all new, and then gives them away when she’s done. You probably know where I’m going with this.
Now, I do like mysteries, and I decided to get it over with and read one of them quickly, so I read An English Garden Murder. It actually wasn’t bad- the writing was decent and the story was fairly interesting. But it just wasn’t great, and I don’t want to spend time reading so-so books. And I’m particularly wary of Fatal Fascinator (although, Engie- it’s a “hat shop mystery!”)
So that’s my dilemma- suddenly people are giving me books, really NICE people, and I don’t want to hurt their feelings. But I don’t want to read their books. Tell me what to do!!! Life is too short to read mediocre books.
What do you do when someone gives you a book you don’t want to read???
27 Responses
Don’t read the books! This is what the Little Free Library is for!
On the other hand, I’m somewhat of a book optimist so I’ll always take books that are offered to me in the hopes that it’s the one book that will change my mind about a genre or author. But then those books that I don’t want to read languish on my bookshelf with my good intentions and then I’ll eventually pass them along or take them to the little free library. I feel like book tastes vary so much that I can’t expect everyone to like all the books I do or for myself to like all the books that other people do. Surely someone who reads 100 books a year realizes this too and won’t be offended if you turn books down or take them and don’t read them.
That’s true- she’s probably cycling through so many books, she might not even remember what she gave me. I just don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings- but maybe I’m assuming people are more sensitive than they really are.
Then I don’t read it! I feel like reading is such a particular thing, nobody can tell what’s the taste of the other people, also people changes their taste over time, so it’s almost impossible to give the right book for the person.
and life is too short so don’t do this just to avoid hurting their feelings. that’s my two cents.
I’m sensing a theme here. I actually rarely give books as gifts, even to my husband, for this very reason.
Don’t read them!
A few thoughts on what to say:
– Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness. It means a lot to me that you took the time to choose a book for me!
– I know you enjoy reading so I’m curious why you chose this particular book to give me – what was it that you enjoyed so much?!
– Thanks so much for the recommendation; I have a busy reading list (most of them are library books so I’m on a deadline!) I’m working through so I might not be able to get to it anytime soon.
– It was so kind of you to think of me; I think we might have different reading tastes and after I read the book jacket I thought of someone who would enjoy this even more than me so I passed it along. I hope that’s okay! (And, like the suggestion above, you could have put it into a little lending library where someone who WILL enjoy it WILL pick it up)…
Also, this is a bit more devious BUT you could read the first and last chapter and look up a book summary online so you HAVE “read” the book and you learn a bit about the plot line. This is more if you feel like you want to be able to engage about the book and, technically, have “read” it. You might even say: I was in a bit of a rush, so did have to skim it but here are my takeaways…? It sounds like they’re older clients who you really like and don’t want to hurt their feelings, so it might be important to be a bit more diplomatic?
Okay, I love your suggestions. I feel like the one who reads 100 books a year and gave me the three mysteries might not care as much (and I did read one of hers!) but the other woman, who went to the trouble of buying me a new book and WRAPPING it as a Christmas present, I just feel so bad! I’m going to do a combination of your suggestions, I think. I’ll start her book, and you never know- maybe I’ll like it! If not, I’ll just skim it and read a synopsis so we can discuss it and she won’t feel bad. I also like the idea of saying “I have library books” as an excuse to why I didn’t get around to it- but, ha ha, I did already use that excuse once (I saw her again in January, after she gave me the book.) Also, saying that I passed it along to someone who would enjoy it sounds nice- it would be a little white lie because it’ll be going to Goodwill- but hey, someone might buy it from them and enjoy it!
Thanks for your input!
Oh dear, this is tricky! A good friend is fine, you can just tell them you hated it (unless they wrote it; I recently EDITED a book a friend wrote but fortunately it was really good, phew!). I would donate it or put in a Little Free Library and say you gave it a go but it wasn’t really your thing. You could temper that with “I’ve recently enjoyed x, y and z books, what would you recommend?”
I’m laughing at your suggestion to say you hated it, UNLESS THEY WROTE IT! Yes, that might not be the best reply in that situation.
This is a tricky situation! I would probably just say something like, “I have so many books on my to-read list, I haven’t gotten to it yet!” and then just never bring it up again. Or I might say, “It was so nice of you to think of me, but it’s just not my kind of book!”
I used the first excuse already, but then stupidly said “But I’ll definitely get to it soon!” Why do I say these things??? I really have to be less worried about hurting people’s feelings.
This happened to me recently. A friend told me all her favourite authors which I shall not name here because they are very popular and I know others who may read this like them. These are authors that I have tried a few times but very much dislike. Anyway, I was super noncommittal because who am I to yuck someone’s yum. Well, she very kindly loaned me a whole stack of books and they are still sitting here, unread. I should just return them to her I guess. It was so sweet of her! But also, I’m probably not going to read them.
What I would do in your case is to thank them, and you’re probably not going to get an indepth book club discussion with them, so I would donate them unread to the nearest little free library! I mean, if the lady is giving away her books she probably doesn’t care where they end up. As for the gift, well, a gift is a gift and that’s lovely, and I would also donate it.
Ugh, a whole stack of books! I mean, it’s true- books are so personal. And it’s hard to say you don’t care for an author that someone else is raving about. Well, I guess the lesson to be learned here is DON’T PUSH YOUR BOOKS ON OTHER PEOPLE. I mean, yes, give a review, but don’t physically give the book as a gift. Sigh.
I confess. I didn’t love My brilliant friend. it dragged and I returned to the library without finishing it. Just read a cute light book- Nora goes off script. Now reading Heaven and earth grocery store.
So many people didn’t like MBF! Well, to each his own. I’ve heard really good things about both the other books you mentioned.
A hat shop mystery! Imagine how many hats you’d get! That almost makes me want to check it out from the library.
I generally do not feel obligated to finish books that people give to me, although I usually give them the old college try. It’s just hard to say “I don’t really enjoy cozy mysteries” if that’s their thing, right?! I have used “oh, it just wasn’t working for me that day – maybe I’ll come back to it later” line before. Because maybe someday it will resonate with me more.
Yes, that’s a good idea- it just wasn’t working for me THAT DAY. Because it’s true, you might just not be in the mood for a particular book at that time.
Nooooooooo!!!! At least the first lady only gave you one book. I have a feeling that you might end up getting 100 books from the other lady each year and that’s a lot of haul off to the Free Library. I would go with what for me is the truth – I have too many other books on my TBR and just don’t have room to add anything else. BUT I also like Elisabeth’s suggestion to ask what they loved about it and why they think you should read it – that sounds like it might lead to an interesting conversation. Or they might spend an hour telling you every last detail of the plot and it might be awful. But oh well.
(Now of course the reality is that my TBR is imaginary and if I hear of a book that really gets my attention I will drop everything to read it – but that’s between you and me).
Taking note of Ann Cleves!
Hahahaha, omg 100 books. That would be a NIGHTMARE!!! Yes, you’ve scared me enough so that I’ll be a little more assertive. I really do have a lot of books I want to read- of course my TBR is flexible, but they don’t need to know that.
Oh gosh. I totally get this dilemma. When someone gives me a book I don’t want to read, I don’t read it. Life is too short to let someone else pick out what we are reading. We all have different tastes and that’s okay! (and if they can’t handle that, that says A LOT about them)
That’s true. These people probably aren’t as fragile as I’m imagining.
HAHA! This is hilarious, Jenny!! That’s exactly the kind of situation I find myself in sometimes.
Once a guy at work was shocked that I didn’t know the Lord of the Rings films. And then he invited me to his house where I had to watch the extended version together with his kids. I hoped that after film no. 1, that would be it, but he insisted that I also watch films 2 and 3.
I was dreading it but didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Ah, well. At least I’ve seen it now.
I agree with Birchie; if they ask, I would just tell them that you have a large TBR list and you are working your way through it! I actually have this same issue with movies/TV shows. I personally do not really watch TV much, but people still insist on telling me what show I absolutely NEED to watch right away. I generally just tell them that I will put it on my list but my list is long and my watching is very, VERY slow (so basically do not expect me to be ready to talk about it any time soon). However if I do finally watch something and like it I try to tell the person, as think positive reinforcement is important!
I love that you are loving the Vera series! Yay! Oof, though, I do feel your dilemma. Books have always been my love language and when the Mr. and I first got together, I would give him my all time favorite books for holidays. Then, one day, multiple YEARS into our relationship, I found them all dumped in a desk drawer because I forgot the most important thing about gift giving: it’s FOR the other person (and not about me, haha)! The Mr. doesn’t even enjoy reading!! I say walk away from those books and if the gifters ask, say they are on your (lengthy) TBR 😉
Oh dear, I would struggle with this dilemma, too. But ultimately I wouldn’t read them because life is too short to read books that aren’t meant for you. I would just say you haven’t gotten around to reading them and then eventually if she keeps asking you could tell a little white lie and say you really enjoyed it. If they ask for details about the plot you could say you can’t remember the details since you read so many books. That is the honest truth for me. I have to read book club books fairly close to the meeting, otherwise character names and other details will escape me!
Forget about giving books, even recommending them is so fraught for me! Although “read” is part of my blog name and I read a ton, I have to make myself write about books sometimes because they’re so personal. And someone can recommend a book to me that sounds right up my alley but I hate it, which is so tough. I think your other commenters came up with some great suggestions, but I just wanted to say, I get it.
This is a TOUGH dilemma – and I am a non-confrontational person who struggles to voice my honest opinion if it’s going to hurt someone’s feelings (and I forget that not everyone is as sensitive as I am!). I think you should feel absolutely fine giving these books to a Little Free Library and if you’re asked about it, to say you haven’t had a chance to read the books yet. IDK – such a tricky situation! This is why I rarely give books to people unless they specifically ask for a book.
Love all the recommendations thus far, and definitely agree with the turn-the-tables approach (what did YOU like about it? [or, in your head, “WHY did this appeal to you?’]) and finding a gentle way to be honest. And in this case, “honest” = “okay to tell a white lie no really it’s okay”. (I’d say something like, “Oh, I have such limited time to read and I tend to read shorter books to maximize my reading time”, even if I’m currently reading War & Peace… :>)