Phew, it’s April! It’s the first Friday of the month, so time to join Coco and Deborah for our monthly coffee date. I’ll be at Starbucks drinking my favorite earl grey tea… and I have a parenting challenge to discuss.
It always seems that once spring break is over, the rest of the school year speeds by in a blur. And I can tell you who’s absolutely ecstatic to see this year end… my daughter.
All I hear nowadays is how tired she is of middle school. The rules are stupid! They make them wear ID badges! The dress code is too strict! They have assigned tables at lunch! Obviously, it’s practically a prison. She CAN’T WAIT for high school next year.
To go along with this new attitude is a new look. Over spring break she cut her hair herself (apparently only losers go to a salon, when anyone who’s on tiktok knows you can cut it yourself for free) and…. dyed it bright red. BRIGHT red.
I actually like the cut. I would have gone with a more subtle red, but I’m happy for her sake that it came out the way she wanted. But that’s not all!
For the past year she’s been asking to get a septum piercing. At first I said no (of course) but now she’s asking for it to be her eighth grade graduation present… arg.
No offense to anyone with bright red hair and a septum piercing. I know it’s a look. I guess it’s just that I’m having trouble reconciling this with the memory I have of her as a cute little girl with long curly hair, who loved unicorns and rainbows, and used to say that her favorite color was “glitter.”
Anyway, now she’s fourteen and, well, it’s her nose. I don’t like the look of septum piercings, but that really isn’t enough of a reason to say no, so I guess I’ll say yes. Girls are hard, you guys.
If we were having coffee together, I would tell you that Wednesday I did my very last long run before my race- the hay is in the barn! The race is two weeks from tomorrow. I know there’s still plenty of time for me to trip over a curb, get Covid, or end up with a stomach virus the day before the race, but barring any strange disasters, I made it! I should be at the starting line on April 22nd. I’m excited.
If we were having coffee together, I would ask if you have anything special planned for the weekend. I’ll be working as usual today and tomorrow, so it doesn’t really feel like a holiday weekend to me. But we’ll make a nice dinner on Sunday and of course my daughter will be getting an Easter basket, as always. She may be too old for glitter and unicorns, but she still likes candy.
Would you let your daughter (or son) get their septum pierced?
Do you have a race (or anything else exciting) coming up this month?
41 Responses
Oh, the teen years. So complicated!
I wouldn’t be happy about having my daughter get the septum pierced, but these days I guess that’s one of the less troublesome things teens could get into their heads.
I’m so excited for you about the race! Looking forward to reading all about it later.
The most exciting events I’m into this month is to see if my foot recovers (meaning, being pain free) before April is over, and to get back to regular and proper guitar practice, because there’s a bluegrass festival coming up the first weekend of May.
Yes, there are definitely worse things than a septum piercing- I have to keep reminding myself of that.
A bluegrass festival sounds like a fun thing to look forward to! And I hope your foot feels better soon. Even if you’re not running, it would be nice to take some spring walks.
Girls ARE hard. We have a 12-year-old and she has absolutely hated Grade 6. There are a few redeeming moments here and there, but so many tears. The friendship dramas and all the hormones and harder workloads at school. She comes home many days grumpy, sullen, and angry at the world (and me).
Your daughter did an incredible job cutting her hair!!! I agree – septum piercings aren’t my favourite look either, but it’s so hard to know which “battles” to pick and as parents we are slowly moving from a position of coach to cheerleader. I want my daughter to know I trust her…but also, they’re still so little. And it’s at the point where they can start making decisions that could literally impact the rest of their lives (and I’m not talking septum piercings; piercings can always be removed!). SO. MUCH. PRESSURE.
Speaking of piercings, my daughter told me – out of the blue – the other day that a girl in her middle school does nose piercings for other students. Apparently, she’s done it to at least 4 middle-schoolers. WHAT NOW?! My daughter said she saw her perform a piercing on someone behind a curtain in the gym one day. Sounds like she did get caught by the administration who put a stop to it, but the other day my daughter emailed to say what a terrible day she had been having at school and I thought: Oh no! She got her nose pierced by a 13-year-old. (She didn’t; she just had friends who were, in her words, “Betrayers”). Gah!!!! She was also talking about kids vaping at school in the bathrooms. WHAT?! Where did our little, tiny toddlers go who liked Paw Patrol and fancy dresses (my daughter is so far past dresses – fine – but I do miss that stages), start giving each other piercings and vaping?
On a much happier note, I am SO excited for your big race. I did giggle at this: “I know there’s still plenty of time for me to trip over a curb, get Covid, or end up with a stomach virus the day before the race, but barring any strange disasters, I made it!” I hope there are no high curbs or viruses anywhere in your future. You’ve worked so hard and I’m legit thrilled to hear all about the experience.
Oh, I had no idea you guys are going through all that. I guess there’s no way to get through the middle school years unscathed. One of the things my daughter has been railing against is the recent changes in “bathroom rules” in school. They have to sign in and out and are limited to a certain amount of time and certain number of bathroom visits per week. It does sound pretty horrible, but then you have to wonder what was going on in the bathroom to inspire these rules. Your comment gives me some clues. And I know- it’s so hard when they seem angry at US, why??? But I remember being angry at my own parents when I was that age, for no good reason. Anyway… the school year is almost over. Next year will be different.
I’m trying to rally her spirits for next year! One of my friends said her daughter hated Grades 5 and 6, and has found Grade 7 so much better. Fingers crossed! My daughter has also really disliked her teacher and I think that goes a long way in how someone’s year will go? I also know she has a flair for the dramatic (she loves acting), so it’s hard to separate out some of the exaggerated responses. I also think that we are still our children’s emotional punching bag. They have to go through so much stimulation and juggle a lot of really tough interpersonal relationships at school all day and so getting home and unleashing the pent-up emotion on us is almost a good sign? Like they trust and need us.
The bathrooms are constantly an issue, it seems. Even in my son’s elementary class there are sometimes kids who get into bathroom mischief (more minor vandalism, not nose piercings!). And another friend was recently at high school orientation with her daughter and said the school has three rules: 1) Show up to class on time 2) Come prepared and 3) Don’t linger in the bathrooms!
I’m so glad dogs’ teenage years are so different (but they come with their challenges, too).
Wow, that hair is a lot! But that’s what teenagers do (or so I hear) — push their boundaries and try to either fit in or stand out from the crowd. My mom was lucky, I definitely wasn’t like that. Of course my brother was more than enough for the both of us as a teenager, LOL (and as a child, too!).
All I can say you are a good mom. Maybe she expects a fight? But she’ll probably still do it if you say yes. Or even if you say no! So better to just go along, I guess. At least it’s not a tongue or navel piercing — ick!
THINK POSITIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT YOUR RACE. Yes, I’m shouting out you. Don’t put that negative energy out there in the universe.
Yes, that’s a very good point- a tongue piercing would be MUCH WORSE. And I will think positive thoughts, while also making sure I don’t do anything stupid.
We have a couple teenage cats- MUCH easier than a teenage girl!
I’m a Middle School teacher, so I get it! Although I have not seen any students with any piercings other than ears yet.
Good luck with your upcoming race. Stay away from those curbs…lol
I would imagine there aren’t a lot of septum piercings in middle school. My daughter won’t get hers till the summer so at least it will be high school. I still don’t like it though!
Okay, I know you might disagree, but I love her hair. It’s a really cute cut, and although the colour is bright, it’s just colour. It will fade, or she’ll get tired of it, or maybe she won’t! But I do think it looks very cute. Sorry! But from my vantage point it looks good and what I can see from the photo is that it flatters her skin tone as well.
As for the piercing: septum piercings are not my favourite either. But the great thing about a piercing is that it’s not necessarily permanent. It will heal over if she takes the piercing out, which she might do the first time she gets a cold and realizes how shitty it is to have a piercing. I mean, maybe not. But of all the things, that might not be the hill I would die on. That said, I do think it’s an unattractive look but hey, I’m not a middle school girl. What do I know? I’m still wearing skinny jeans.
Middle school is the worst for everyone, in my mind. I did feel like high school was so much better, and I was a pretty, um, dramatic girl at that age.
Yes, one of her many arguments is that if she changes her mind, she can just take out the piercing and it won’t be visible at all (as opposed to a piercing on the side of her nose, which would leave a permanent scar. She has an answer for everything.) Now that I’m used to her hair color, it doesn’t bother me- and I agree that she did a good job with the cut. I still wish you were here to help us out with all this!
I have a 9-year-old girl and all this terrifies me, to be honest (SIGH)… Even the stuff she’s dealt with in 4th grade seems so “big kid” (mean girls, outfit shaming, crushes) – I’m not ready for any of this! I do have to say, though, that the freedom you’re giving your daughter with her hair and possible piercing is how I hope to be (after having parents who were super strict on hair, piercings, clothes, glasses which led me to buying scissors and hair dye at the mall I worked at when I was 16 and just reinventing myself, which is so 1990’s HAHA) …
Ooh, that sounds like a good story! Honestly, I was so boring growing up. Never did anything different with my hair and had no piercings at all. So this is all new and fascinating to me. And I know- 4th grade seems to young for all those things. I still say it’s hard having girls.
Oh middle school! I sure do not miss those years with my daughter LOL. the cut looks cute 🙂 I am excited for you and your race!
Thank you Deborah! I was frightening of middle school, but it hasn’t been too bad until now. I have a feeling high school will be more challenging.
Her hair is cute and that’s a fact. Eh, I’d say that the battle of the septum is not worth fighting. If she changes her mind later on, she can stop wearing it and no harm no foul. Or maybe when you say yes she’ll be taken off guard and not follow through on getting it.
How fun that you’re closing in our your race! Yes every minute of the next two weeks is going to be spent feeling strange aches and pains and sniffles and we’re here for you every step of the way.
Thank you Beckett! I appreciate your support. I think my daughter will definitely follow through on the piercing, but yes- later on when she changes her mind she can just stop wearing it and you’ll never know the difference.
All I’m saying is that boys are easier… no tattoos or piercings or hair dye!! But she’s not in jail or on drugs… This will pass and you will both laugh about it.
You are so ready for this race.
Just make sure you have fun!!
Yes, that’s a great way to look at it- she’s not in jail or on drugs. Or doing any number of other things I would be disturbed about. So it could be much worse.
Congrats on getting through your last long run!!! All this training is valuable in itself but I hope April 22 comes and goes without any intervening incidents.
Oof. Kids are so tough. I am trying very hard to adopt a view of “if it’s not permanent, and it won’t cause harm to living beings or property, and it doesn’t interfere with previously assigned/agreed upon commitments, then it’s okay.” Of course, adopting that view is different from implementing it!!! And also my daughter is only nine, so I haven’t had a ton of practice with putting that view to work yet.
For what it’s worth, I LOVE your daughter’s cut and color. Looks fabulous and I am so impressed she did it herself. While I personally shudder at the thought of a septum piercing (I have no piercings at all), I think it’s a great, reversible (right???) way to support her self-expression and body autonomy. You are a great mom and you are raising a confident, independent kid and that’s wonderful.
I don’t have any piercings either! The thought of putting something through a hole in my body (especially the middle of my nose) makes me queasy. But, yes. If she changes her mind (WHEN) she can take the ring out and you’ll never know the difference. Thank you for your support!
Both of my daughters were beyond ready to finish 8th grade and get to high school. It’s a time of exploration and discovery for sure. I allowed a double piercing in the ear for both but the septum was a hard no when thing 2 asked. I told her she could make that decision herself when she turned 18. We’ll see. Hang in there mama! I’ve heard from so many that girls are “so much harder” than raising boys and I refuse to believe it. We can do this!
Congrats on getting all the hay in the barn! That is a huge accomplishment. The actual race will be icing on the cake!
Oh, I wish my daughter wanted a double ear piercing! I’ve offered her everything else, but no. So the question is, did your daughter get a septum piercing when she turned 18? I’m guessing the answer is no.
Middle school was hard – boys have their own challenges but I didn’t have hair dying or piercing to contend with. Hang in there mama, you’ve got this!
Congrats on completing your last long run! You’re ready for your race!!
Thank you Michelle! I know boys have their challenges, but my son was SO EASY. I guess this is the universe’s way of evening things out.
Her hair looks great! I would KILL for that look. I think your daughter and I may secretly be the same person born thirty years apart. I am laughing at all these people saying boys don’t do tattoos or hair dye or piercings because my husband dyed his hair in high school, his brother got tattoos, and his other brother got a nose piercing. I say the teenage years are tough regardless of sex!
I am so excited that you’re feeling so good right now for your race! Yay! Let’s keep that momentum going until race day!
Yes, I do have to say you remind me of my daughter in certain ways. It’s a little reassuring to me- you turned out well so there’s hope.
You have to pick your battles. The hair is one thing–it will grow out. While I get the need to rebel, if you don’t want her to get a septum piercing, then she can’t get one. I know all the kids are doing it, but she’s pretty young and she’s your daughter. But that’s just me. I know how hard this age is for both sexes. If we ever meet up IRL, I can share what my boys–especially my oldest–put me through in high school. It wasn’t good. Just trust your judgment and stand your ground. Trust me when I tell you that it will pay off in spades when she’s more mature.
Thank you Wendy! I definitely want to hear your high school stories. For whatever reason, the septum piercing is important to her and it’s not worth it to me to continue to argue. Things I WILL argue about- bad grades, treating people disrespectfully, and a whole host of other things that haven’t come up yet (drugs, alcohol, etc. Sigh.)
Oh the piercings! Both daughters want nose piercings, but they weren’t making that request until they were older (like 16?). By then, I’d learned to pick my battles, and both (though they’re five years apart in age) were very tasteful in keeping the “nasal jewels” very subdued. I think it was more the act of having it pierced than being flamboyant about it…if that makes sense? My son, though, shaved his head right before the conference swim meet (it was a swim team thing). By that time of the season, his hair was fried from almost four months of daily chlorine exposure, so it was a blessing (we even hosted the “team shave” his senior year, LOL).
Ha ha, well as long as my daughter doesn’t shave her head, we’re good.
Oh man, the middle school years are so hard. It’s such a awkward time of transition! I think she did a great job with her haircut. I would have a hard time with the septum piercing… it’s probably a pick your battle type of situation but I am glad that’s still far off for me!! Eeks.
Your race is so soon!! How exciting!! I can’t wait to read all about it!!
We are having a pretty low key Easter. We are going to my MIL’s to celebrate tomorrow and then will be home on Sunday. I don’t have any special meals planned as I just didn’t have the energy to come up with anything. The boys will get Easter baskets and that’s kind of it. But they will find 54 eggs (!!!) at my MIL’s tomorrow. They are so excited – especially Paul. And I am excited my MIL was game to take on this holiday. Enjoy the celebration with your family!!
Yes, that’s VERY nice of your MIL to take this on. You have enough on your plate right now. It sounds like you’ll have a fun day tomorrow and then hopefully a low-key day on Sunday. It’s hard to really go all out on a holiday when there’s school/work the next day.
I love your daughter’s hair, but I am one who alternated from Jet Black to Maxi Blonde myself (albeit in college). As for the piercing, as long as there are no big health risks and she gets it done professionally, it’s probably not a battle worth picking — or that you will win in the long run. I found out my daughter got a navel piercing after I found a big bottle of Bactine in her bathroom ….
Yay on your big race! You’re right — your job now is to stay healthy!
Really? So you had a wild side! And yes, it’s not worth it to me to keep saying no to the piercing- in the long run it really doesn’t matter.
First, I am so excited for your race! It’s going to be amazing.
April is a crazy month. We have some band performances, A’s birthday, and all kinds of events. Wheee.
Ok. Here’s my parenting philosophy. I was raised in a very restrictive home. There was ZERO piercings (beside the regular ear hole), no hair cuts that were not approved, no color, no clothes that were not approved, etc. I believe that hair grows back, color grows out, and piercings close. If your child is doing what you expect/ask as far as behavior/grades/attitude/etc, then I, personally, would be fine with it. Permission also gives you control to ensure they get a sterile piercing with the proper aftercare and follow up. Tattoos can wait until 18. My husband does not agree with me, but our kiddo is pretty conservative/preppy so he hasn’t asked to do besides dye his hair. I gave him color depositing conditioner because he was such a blondie and that kept him happy.
I agree with everything you said (including that tattoos have to wait- luckily she’s not asking for that.) My son is also pretty conservative (looks-wise) so this is my first time dealing with all this.
So I am off for a bit and then come back to this post. Looks like you are in the midst of a tough phase. I wish you all the best. Other than that I have no advice and cheering you on from the sidelines. I just remember I wanted to have a navel piercing so bad. When I was 17 I was close to getting it. I was in the US at that time and parents far away. My host mom figured it out and said to call my mom and ask if it is ok. It was not. The moment I turned 18 I had it done. It was the only real rebellious act I ever did. My parents have only figured it out when I was 20 or so. They got so mad.
So excited for you and your upcoming race. Goof luck.
Thank you Tobia! That’s a funny story… I probably would have said “yes” if I were your mom- after all, what’s one more year?
She did a great job with the haircut and the coloring! I am so excited about your race!
Thank you Zenaida! I like the cut and I’m getting used to the color, ha ha. I’m excited about my race too. And scared.