It’s my birthday! I’m now officially in my extremely late 50s. A couple days ago Nicole left a comment on the post where I mentioned I’m turning 59. It mirrored the very thoughts I’ve been having- she said “Why should feeling old be a bad thing? What’s wrong with feeling the age we are? ”
Seriously. Why is aging such a bad thing? We compliment someone by saying “You look much younger than (whatever age they are)” or “You’re so youthful!” What is it about getting old that we object to so much?
Well, let’s see. We associate getting old with getting worse– i.e. our bodies and minds breaking down. No one wants to be sick, or in pain, or suffer from dementia. Also… most of us are afraid of death. Whether we’re terrified of it, or uneasy, or sad at the thought of leaving our loved ones- no one wants to die. On that level, it is better to be young (although- sadly, young people get sick and die too).
BUT, I’m stronger now than I was in my twenties (because I didn’t lift weights at all back then). I could run faster then, but I can run farther now. Hmm! So are we saying it’s okay to get older, but only if we’re still strong and capable?
We’re constantly being told there’s something wrong with us- it’s not okay to have curly hair, or dark skin, or wrinkles. It’s fine to say “You don’t look (or act, or seem) like you’re 59!” But I am 59 years old. The idea that I shouldn’t look or act like I’m 59 is just another way for society to tell me it’s not okay to be who I am.
Yesterday I saw I client who just turned 90. Ninety! I had to resist the urge to say “You don’t look like you’re 90!” (Honestly- he’s in very good shape, both mentally and physically). Instead I said “Wow! That’s amazing! Congratulations!” Then, since he seemed inclined to talk more, I asked him if he had any words of wisdom to share. He did…
He said he spent years in therapy until he got to a place where he loves himself and loves his life. If there’s something he doesn’t like, he changes it. He doesn’t let other people’s judgments bother him, and he doesn’t worry about the future, knowing instead that he’ll be capable of dealing with any future crises if and when they happen.
This all sounds great! Although he presented these ideas as his “secrets” of longevity, I’m wondering if these are just natural mind shifts that occur as we age, as opposed to a “blueprint” for getting there. But… what do I know? I’m only 59 ; )
Top photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash
40 Responses
JENNY! I am so excited I get to be the first person to comment HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I love this post (so much) and I love you (so, so, so much). I hope you have a fabulous day.
I think aging – like many things in life – has more to do with perspective than anything else. Our state of mind and how we view the world colours a lot. I so appreciate your perspective and how strong you’ve become mentally and physically.
Cheers to 59, my friend. I hope today is fabulous with a nap, Earl Grey, a good book, and cat snuggles <3
Thank you Elisabeth!!! I’m drinking my early grey right now, and I will definitely have those other three later in the day. <3 <3<3
HAPPPPPPYYYYYY BIRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTHHHHHHHHHHDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!
I love love love all of these thoughts, Jenny!!! I love the thought of just aging and being happy with where we are. If we don’t like something, change it! If you can’t change it, accept it and change what you can. Did I just recap the serenity prayer in your comment section? MAYBE.
I mean, it’s a truth that things wear out in our bodies, and we have a higher chance of illness or pain as we age. But maybe if we just accept that as part of life and do what we can to stave things off, well, hopefully we will be that ninety year old just living our best lives.
I hope you have an amazing birthday!!!
Lol, I just thought of my favourite movie of all time, When Harry Met Sally. Harry says he spends hours, he spends DAYS thinking about death, and says “Listen, when the shit comes down, I’m going to be prepared, that’s all I’m saying.” Sally says “Well, you’re going to ruin the rest of your life thinking about it.” GOD I LOVE THAT MOVIE.
I know what we’re watching for movie night in August!
If for some strange reason you haven’t see WHMS, you definitely need to watch it ASAP! It also holds up well to multiple viewings.
YEAH WE ARE
Thank you Nicole!!! I mean- the serenity prayer really sums it all up, doesn’t it? And- great movie reference. I need to see that again!
Happy Birthday, Happy First Day of Spring, Happy All the Things!!!
Yeah, I just want to be the age that I am in the best shape for that age that I can be. That’s it.
Okay, perfect- you just came up with my new life motto. Thanks for the birthday wishes!
Oh I LOVE your 90 year old client’s thoughts so much! And … not to be contrary or miss the point of this post, but you do seem youthful and energetic to me ❤️❤️
Happy 59!!!!
Ha, thank you Sarah! I mean, I’m not going to TURN DOWN a compliment of two… : )
HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JENNY!!!
I’m so grateful I know such a gorgeous, strong, thoughtful, person in this world!
I hope you have a fun-filled, wonderful day and hope the universe brings you all you want this year!
XOXO
Thank you so much, Maya!
Happy birthday! I hope you have a fantastic day and enjoy being 59!
I love this perspective on aging. It really is a blessing to be able to get older and experience more of the world because sadly, some people don’t make it to 90, or 60, or even 30. I’m excited to get older and hopefully care less about what other people think!
I can definitely vouch for the fact that you care less and less. I can’t even imagine how little I’ll care once I’m 90, lol. Thanks for the birthday wishes!
Happy Birthday Jenny! I appreciate your thoughts on aging and also appreciate that I’m stronger at 41 than I was in my twenties and hope to still be able to say that when I’m 59.
Sak, you will ( I mean- unless something goes drastically wrong, which could happen to any of us.) It gets better and better the older you are.
Next time people “ask me how old are you?” I am going to ADD 10 years and see their reactions LOL Just for kicks, to see what happens. I am 43 I’m gonna say I’m 53.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
Hee hee. Yes, mess with their minds! Thanks for the birthday wishes : )
Happy birthday to you!!!! You look so young!! (I think I’m hilarious.)
Ha ha… oh wait you were joking? Dang, lol.
Happy birthday, Jenny! I was just watching a show and people were introducing themselves and when someone mentioned they were 70, the person said, “What’s it like being 70?” which I thought was such an interesting question! What IS it like to be whatever age you are?
Getting older is a gift and sometimes it’s hard to see that when we’re concerned with wrinkles and sagging skin and things just not looking/acting the way they used to. And yes, getting older doesn’t always come with good things and that can be scary!
I hope you have the BEST birthday, friend!
Thank you Stephany! I know, that is an interesting question. Like, what’s it like to be 90??? Think of all the changes you would have lived through. Hopefully we’ll all be lucky enough to find the answer to these questions.
Happy birthday, Jenny! I’m doing my best to think of aging as a gift – not everyone gets to – and setting myself up for quality days even as my body and abilities change. I hope you had the best day!
Thank you Lindsay! Yes, it really is a gift.
Happy Birthday! Changing decades can be hard, but it sounds like you have adopted a positive mindset about it. I think if you’re running 50+ mile races you are not a common 59. Ha! In pretty sure of that. So don’t let that number tell you anything about yourself except what you want it to mean. The rest is just noise.
Thank you Noemi. That’s an interesting question to ask- I’m 59, what do I want that to mean? Hmmm!
Happy Birthday!
Age is such an interesting concept. I was having a conversation with a friend and I was talking about how I thought my parents were still pretty young. And she looked at me funny and asked how old they were. I said they were 74 and 79. And she said her dad had died when he was 65, and she had thought *that* was young.
I think I think of my parents as young because they are still very active – they travel internationally three or four times a year (trips they plan themselves), hike five miles a day, and my mother still works. I guess when I think of it in terms of years, I am faced with the reality that my parents might not be around much longer, but they live such busy full lives that I think they’ll be around forever.
Honestly, on some level we all think our parents will be there forever- it’s impossible to imagine the world without them. In your case, it seems hopeful that yours will be around for quite a while yet.
Happy birthday Jenny!!! 🎂🥳🎈🎉
You are such a fabulous person and I am so glad I found your blog!!!
Thank you Suzanne!!!
thanks for sharing the wisdom of a 90s years old and your thought around it. I’m inclined to think that his mindset is what helped him to stay healthy because most of elderly people don’t see the world that way. I love it!
and yes, age is just a number, seriously, there’s no reason to believe we are weaker as we age. We can make out the life and age we want. 🙂
It would be pretty interesting to get a larger number of 90 year olds to share their thoughts on life. Who knows- maybe they would be more similar than you think!
Great last line. That made me chuckle. I don’t mind aging, but for me I have found my memory fails me at times and that is frustrating. Maybe when you have a mom with Alzheimer’s the memory blips become more magnified. Time and time again I hear people comment that they wish they had not worried what others thought much earlier. Agree!
Happy happy birthday. (I too am stronger now than I was in my 20s- physically and emotionally).
Thank you Ernie!!! I have memory blips as well, and I can’t decide if I should be worried about it- or if I’m just thinking about too many things at once. Eek.
Happy Birthday.
To me age is just a number. I never thought I would feel this way at my age but I feel healthier and am more active than when I was younger (your age LOL).
I think it;s because I refuse to believe that my age gets in the way (except for maybe being a faster runner.)
Happy Birthday, Jenny! I think you’re right – what’s so bad about getting older? Nothing. It’s actually a privilege and we should treat it as that. I think it’s just very normal for the mind to think you’re younger than your actual age. I talk to my 94 (!) year old family friend about that and she said that while she feels her age physically (although I’d consider her fit for her age, she still lives independently and is able to take care of herself!), she tells me that her mind hasn’t caught up that the fact that she is as old as she is. I think there’s something to be said about staying “young” in your mind… just with more wisdom.
Have the best day! You make 59 look and sounds pretty great!
Thank you San! It seems like just about everyone “feels” younger than their biological age.
Happy Birthday! Love the words of wisdom,
Thank you Coco! 90 year olds are wise!