Runners Fly

walkers walk… but runners fly

It’s My Party, and I’ll Cry If I Want To

Uh oh!  It’s another “dumpster fire mug” coffee date!  What is wrong NOW, you ask?  Oh, just the same old thing…my calf.

I had FOUR good runs.  FOUR!  And then, on the fifth run my calf pain came back, sinking me into depression.  Then I felt guilty for being depressed.  I ran through all the usual reasons why my life is great:  I’m not blind!  I’m not paralyzed.  Everyone in my family is healthy.  We’re not living in a war zone… etc, etc, etc.  Okay, I’m lucky.  Then I made a list of all the reasons running makes me happy.

It makes me feel healthy, it makes me feel young.  I love being outside, moving forward on my own two feet.  Training for races gives me a sense of purpose.  The races themselves are adventures for me- I get to travel, explore a new trail, and experience a brand new challenge every time.  Let’s see, is there anything else in my life that checks all these boxes?  Nope.

The thing is… we get one life.  I’ve figured out what makes me happy.  When I can’t run, I’m not able to live my life the way I want to, and that makes me sad.  So, yes- it’s okay for me to be sad!  I’m pretty sure no one reading this was criticizing me- it was all in my own mind.

Okay, so we’ve condoned depression.  What I don’t condone is complaining about something but not doing anything to fix it, so yesterday I started a new treatment program with my sports chiropractor.  I didn’t go to him at first because I really wanted to try dry needling and he doesn’t do that.  But now I’m back with him, and we’ll see what happens.  SOMETHING has to work, eventually.

In addition to my not-running malaise, I’ve been feeling the effects of time and my kids growing up. SHU  recently posted about her challenges of dealing with a new school schedule this year, and I remember that so well.  I only have two kids, but because they’re six years apart, my parenting years have been drawn out!  My kids also never went to the same school, so the challenges of figuring out the schedule of getting them both to and from school, and then dealing with one of them changing schools and uprooting the existing schedule, were a huge focus of my life for a long time.

Now… we’re in the home stretch.  My son is in college and my daughter is a sophomore in high school.  There’s no more switching schools- this is it.  That thought made me sad.  I’m not ready for an empty nest!  Hopefully by the time it happens- three years from now- I will be ready.

But let’s end on a happier note.  Yesterday I needed a mood boost, and I knew just where to go.

I LOVE when fall things appear in the stores!  I went to Bath and Body works and smelled all the candles.  I love all the names- Brewed Coffee, Flannel, Sweater Weather… the most intriguing one was “Pink Lavender and Espresso” (that one actually smelled terrible, though.)  My favorite was Pumpkin Clove, but I didn’t buy it.  They only had it in the three-wick size, and I wasn’t ready to commit to that many hours of pumpkin clove.

Fall is coming!  You can tell me it’s too early, but I won’t listen.

This wasn’t much of a coffee date- more like a one-sided whine-fest- but what would you tell me over coffee?  Do you like fall-scented candles?

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Friday Coffee Date!

Hey, it’s Friday!  Pour yourself a beverage in your favorite fall mug (wait- you do have one, right?) and join me. Let’s talk about the weekend!  Tonight is another high school football game, and I will be there.  The last two weeks have been away games, so I’ve missed going.  But you know what that means- it’s time for Homecoming!  My daughter decided to go to the dance with a group of friends, and we started thinking about what she would wear.  But let’s back up for a moment… The high school concert band uniform is tuxes for the boys and long black dresses for girls.  When my daughter was a freshman last year, she said she would prefer to wear a tux. Now, I wasn’t entirely opposed to this, but I just preferred that she wear a dress… like all the other girls?  I told her that whatever she decided to do was fine, but there’s a reason boys usually wear suits and girls usually wear dresses.  Girls are more curvy, so dresses flatter them more.  My daughter is very curvy, and I thought a tux would just make her look kind of big all over. She decided to wear the dress, and I thought she looked lovely!  Then I was telling my friend about how well I handled that situation, and she thought I was VERY WRONG.  Why, she asked, did it matter how she looked?  Why did I make that the most important thing? Er- good question.  When it was time for New Year’s, my daughter wanted to wear a suit to the party.  I agreed immediately, and she actually looked kind of cute (not that it mattered!) Later I asked how she liked wearing the suit, and she said “I loved it.  I felt really confident.”  Okay then. Back to Homecoming!  My daughter said she wanted to wear a suit, and we got to work on her outfit (I was tasked with finding her some new pants, which was surprisingly hard.) Then yesterday she went to the mall to help her friend find a dress, and came home with… a dress, which she is now wearing to Homecoming. You guys, I can’t keep up!  Girls are so hard!!!  Boys are so. much. easier. Anyway, while my daughter is at the dance on Saturday night, my husband and I will be watching the Baylor game!  I have a fun fall-themed dinner planned, with some new things to sample from Trader Joe’s. One last thing- I’ve submitted my request for postponement of jury duty.  Weirdly, the request had to be submitted in writing, and by that I mean I had to write a letter and mail it through the U.S. postal service.  When was the last time you did that? I was so confused.  I couldn’t even really remember how to do it.  When I printed out my letter, my husband looked at it and said “You didn’t leave room for your signature.”  Oh yeah- I totally forgot.  Then I had to find an envelope and a stamp, and take it to the mailbox… I mean, don’t we have more modern methods of communication nowadays?  Anyway, I hope it gets there, and I hope I get my postponement (actually, I’m hoping they forget all about me, but if worst comes to worst I’ll take a postponement.) That’s it for this week! When was the last time you mailed a letter?  I don’t mean a greeting card or postcard, but like an official letter?   Do you think I was wrong to encourage my daughter to wear a dress?  How much does appearance matter? What are your plans for the weekend? Top photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Reading and Eating

I finished Winter of the World, which will from now on be referred to simply as WOW.  It was so, so good, and I’m getting ready to start the third book in the trilogy!  It starts in 1961, where the second book left off. But let’s go back to last week- I had my trip to the used bookstore.  It was everything I hoped it would be (look away, Engie!  I’ve discovered that Engie does NOT like used bookstores!) As I hoped, I did leave with a stack of books. Some classic murder mysteries- I can never resist- and more Ken Follett.  I have no plans to read The Pillars of the Earth anytime soon, but I know I’ll read it eventually, and I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to get a used copy in good condition. Eating!  Once again, I did not do any meal prep on Sunday so we’re limping through the week.  The good news is, I think I’m training my husband and daughter to expect less and less in the dinner department.  I mean- we do eat.  It’s just not fancy. Sunday morning I made gluten-free pumpkin pancakes from Running on Real Food.  First, let’s look at a picture from the website: And here’s, ahem, mine. All that garnish aside, mine look really weird.  But they did taste good!  Chickpea flour is my new favorite flour.  By the way, if you’re making pumpkin baked good this fall, don’t forget the formula to make them really flavorful- double the amount of pumpkin spice, and add a pinch of cloves.  And whatever you do, do NOT forget the salt! What are you reading now? Top photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Getting Back on Track

I wrote in Sunday’s post that I’ve been feeling like my life is just a little off track.  Then I looked around my house and realized one of the reasons is that I’ve been half-assing my beloved Pumpkin Palooza.  I had some, but not all, of my fall decorations out, and then a summer-y wreath was lying on the table.  Furthermore, I hadn’t had one special meal or snack to celebrate the start of football season. This was all wrong!  I needed to rectify the situation right away.  I lit a fall candle… …and got out all the rest of my fall decorations while watching the first half of the Dolphins game.  At halftime I put together a little charcuterie board… …and then we watched the Dolphins come from behind to win the game.  Fall is back on track! Let’s move on to running.  SIGH.  So far, my calf seems to be better, but my race plans are in tatters.  Back in May, I signed up for a race on November 9th.  It’s a trail race, and you run as far as you can in a certain amount of time.  I chose the 12 hour option. Hahahahaha.  Even if everything goes perfectly from now on, I’ll have no business running a 12 hour race in two months.  I guess the good news is, it’s a 4.5 mile loop that you run over and over again.  I can go and just run a couple loops.  That would be kind of sad- but maybe less sad than not going at all?  I’ve already paid for the race so if I can run at all, I’ll probably go. Now let’s deal with this jury summons.  I know it’s our civic duty, but I think it’s unfair that it creates more of a financial hardship for some people than others.  Additionally, some people never get called for jury duty, and some people get called all the time!  Luckily I’ve come up with a great solution. My plan is, all registered voters would be required to submit a form every five years, indicating the time they would like to do their jury duty.  That way, people would be able to pick a time that works best with their work schedule, and have time in advance to arrange for childcare, etc. Of course, if everyone chose July of 2027 it would be a fiasco.  But I have solutions for that too!  People who are retired, independently wealthy, or who have a very flexible work schedule could volunteer to be “swing jurors,” willing to be called at any time.  There could be incentives for people who serve in months like December (which I’m guessing would be the least popular)- like if you sit on a jury in December, you’re exempt for the rest of your life. I’ll be submitting my request for a postponement- do you think I should include my detailed plan for an overhaul of the entire system?  Haha, that might get me excused permanently (“Don’t let this woman near the courthouse- she’s obviously a troublemaker!”) Anyway, I’m starting to feel a little better.  As long as I can continue to run and nothing else goes wrong, I think I’m back on track. How do you like my plan?  Would you volunteer to be a “swing juror?” Top photo by Redd F on Unsplash  

Weekly Rundown- Still Moving

Oh, hello!  It has been… a week.  Running is going well (still following the every third day schedule) and Pumpkin Palooza is in full swing- but somehow I feel like my life is slightly off track.  Well, I’ll just keep moving forward until things start to click again.  I’m linking up as always with Kim and Deborah for this Weekly Rundown.  Here we go… Sunday Running day!  I walked a mile and ran two.  Everything felt good! Monday No school because of Labor Day, but I had to work. I wanted to go to the gym, but the gym didn’t open till 8, WHAT?  If I have to work, so should everyone else!  Just kidding.  Instead I went for a walk, and I was very glad I did.  Sunday was rainy and gloomy, but today while I was walking the sun came out and I was happy to be out there.  3 fast miles! Tuesday This was a strength day at home including hip stability exercises, Bulgarian split squats, and the Caroline Girvan deadbug workout.. Wednesday Running day!!!  Wednesday is my day off, and I was so happy to run in the daylight!  Yes, it was hot- but so what?  I walked one mile and ran 3 with no pain, woohoo!!! Thursday More strength at home.  I did an upper body workout from Sally McRae’s app, and then the Caroline Girvan deadbug workout again.  Honestly, I’m getting tired of this one.  But every time I try a different ab workout, it turns out to be a million crunches that strain my neck, so I keep coming back to Caroline and her deadbugs. Friday Finally, leg day at the gym!  I did some single leg balance exercises, then squats, deadlifts, and abs. After work I had an appointment with my sports chiropractor for another ART treatment.  I’m… cautiously optimistic?  I’ve been through this so many times now.  My calf will feel great- until it doesn’t.  I’m hoping this time it’s finally healing. As I mentioned in Friday’s coffee date post, this was a tumultuous week.  But you know what?  It’s Friday night, so let’s just relax and enjoy- GAAAAAAH!  My husband brought in the mail and I had a frickin’ JURY SUMMONS.  For God’s sake, what is going to happen next???  I mean, I realize jury duty is not on the same level as someone dying, but I can’t afford to lose two weeks of work in November, our busiest time of year.  Well, hopefully I can manage to weasel my way out of this civic duty- sigh. Saturday Alright.  This should have been a running day, but my chiro always wants me to take a day off after a treatment, and the truth is, I was pretty sore.  I enjoyed sleeping in a little before going to work. In the afternoon I watched Baylor lose, and then my husband and I went out with some friends for a serious attitude adjustment. Sunday On tap- RUNNING!  Then, pumpkin pancakes and in the afternoon I”ll get some football-palooza going.  Trying to go into the new week with a good mindset! How was your week?  Do you like getting called for jury duty? (hahahahaha…)

31 Responses

  1. I fully understand the dilemma of feeling depressed because you can’t do the activity you love while mad with oneself for complaining about it when everything is great! I’ve been there and it’s frustrating but you are totally ALLOWED to be sad about it. I’m glad you are trying new things. I’d try everything under the sun until I figure out the why and how to fix it. Good luck!

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    1. Thank you Coco! I’m trying everything a can- the frustrating thing is, everything costs MONEY- so it’s discouraging when it doesn’t work. But something has to work eventually.

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  2. So sad about your calf. It’s worse than a broken bone or sprained ankle.

    Can you go back to a doctor and find out what’s wrong?

    Yes. I love fall things. I think it’s my favorite season to decorate.

    Empty nesting is sad but welcomed. No more meal preps and freedom to do whatever and whenever.

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    1. My sports chiropractor did an ultrasound just to make sure there’s no muscles tears, and of course he couldn’t find anything. He’s going to treat it with ART (which is what you recommended all along) twice a week for a couple weeks- so we’ll see. And I know- this has now lasted longer than my sprained ankle, HOW is that possible??? Grr.

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  3. LOL at that many hours of pumpkin clove– I get this. I used to LOVE the teeny Yankee candles– perfect for a seasonal hit and long lasting, but by the time you got sick of them, they were gone. But our Yankee Candle closed, and I have sort of forgotten them until now. Are you by a Trader Joe’s? They have such small and cheap seasonal scents! Sorry about your calf, and I actually think it is super healthy to acknowledge and feel your feelings on this one.

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    1. That’s funny, because after the mall I went to Trader Joe’s and got a candle! They don’t have their fall things yet, but I got a “peach and black tea” scent that I love. Way cheaper than Bath and Body Works!

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  4. Oh Jenny, I am so sorry. I really want to validate your feelings of sadness over this. It’s okay to be sad. This is a huge part of your life and something you love, and the fact that it’s difficult for you to do it right now is really hard. Yes, you’re not paralyzed, blind, or living in a war zone but you know what, it’s not a worldwide misery competition, you can be sad about this! A broken arm isn’t cancer, but we aren’t telling people “it’s fine, at least you don’t have cancer” when they break their arm. SOMETIMES THINGS SUCK. I’m sorry you’re going through it. I hope this sports chiro can help. It would be great if he could identify where this is coming from. Like, there must be a root cause in there somewhere and I hope he gets to it.
    Also also also…the whole landslide/ empty nest thing is also hard. And I still have a kid at home too! But life is a wild ride, isn’t it.
    Well, I’m happy you’re finding your fall things – it’s not far away, and I know how much you love the fall.

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    1. Thank you Nicole! I think we can sum it all up by saying “Life is a wild ride.” I love your words of wisdom, as always.

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  5. Your calf, how frustrating! It just has a bad attitude recently, doesn’t it?

    I’m intrigued by the coffee scent candle; I’ll have to check that one out. My mother loves the smell of coffee, though she rarely drinks it, so I wonder if she would enjoy smelling that? Though not a huge one, as you say: the big candles are such a commitment to one scent, and that’s not how I roll.

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    1. Great way to put it- my calf has a bad attitude. And- the coffee scented candle really does smell like coffee. I think your mom would like it!

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  6. Jenny, I’m sorry about your calf… I really hoped that had gone away for good. I hope your sports chiro can find the magic fix. Nicole has so much good stuff to say about the validity of your feelings though ^, I’m taking notes!

    And I’m sorry about your impending empty nest too… Strangely, I thought I would dread it because I loved parenting so much… but now I’m kind of looking forward to focusing on myself when it happens.

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    1. Maya, I’m hoping this is one of those things that seem really hard before you get there- but when the time actually arrives, you’re ready for it. It sounds like that’s where you are.
      Nicole should start a new career as a life coach- she ALWAYS has great advice!

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      1. Jenny, I hope you see this. It came to me this morning and sorry if you’ve already considered this–
        I know you’ve tried walking and we compared walking times–but have you considered race-walking/speed-walking?
        It’s not at all like “flying” but it is speedy!

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        1. That’s funny Maya, because I’m about to go out on a “speed walk” this afternoon! Walking is okay- I like it better than a lot of other ways to cross train- but it’s still not running. Sigh.

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  7. I am so sorry to hear that the calf issue is still plaguing you! That is so frustrating. When you can’t do something you love to do, it is really hard and you can kind of feel like you aren’t yourself. I can still run but I can kind of relate as my arm/wrist/forearm is still not quite right. Now I have a tendon that is sort of bulging. So even picking up a coffee mug hurts and of course it’s my right hand and I am right handed… So I won’t be returning to strength training anytime soon. I messaged my doctor and she’s going to increase my infusion dose and move it up 2 weeks. Hopefully that helps. But I am fed up and feel like I will never get off prednisone which has made me gain weight. Le sigh.

    Ok now I am turning this into a whine fest of my own!

    The empty nest stage can be such a hard adjustment. Hopefully you will feel more ready in 3 years. Or maybe Angie will end up at a school closer by! That stage of life is so far off for me and I will be 58 which feels so far off for me. And I will be retired (hopefully) so in a very different stage of life. It’s hard to imagine how I will actually feel, though!!

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    1. Yes Lisa, I imagine you can definitely relate. Your hand issue has been going on FOREVER. It’s frustrating to keep seeing different doctors and trying different treatments, and to still be in pain. Well- like I said with my calf issue- something has to work EVENTUALLY. Fingers crossed for both of us.

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  8. Ugh, I really feel for you with your ongoing calf saga! It’s tough to not be able to do something that brings you joy. When I had to take two weeks off from running outside in 2022 after getting stitches, I was glad I was able to still get my miles in on the treadmill but it wasn’t the same as being out on the trails. But — I always have to remember that this too shall pass, and I’m sure with some more time and rehab, you’ll be able to get back to running pain-free!

    I love fall scents and flavors but it’s always hard for me to get excited about them when it’s still 100+ degrees outside. I’m ready for fall for real!

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    1. True, this too shall pass. I’ve had plenty of frustrating injuries, that seemed like they would never end, and they all healed. This will too- hurry up, calf.

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  9. Damn right you can cry if you want to! I really thing that after a point positive thinking isn’t healthy – yes we’re all grateful to not be quadruple paraplegics, but if it’s all the same to the universe, we’d appreciate being able to do the simple hobbies that we love.

    I’m here for you in the dumpster fires, and I’ll be cheering along when your calf decides to get its s&*! together and let you run again!

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  10. Oh Jenny, whine all you want, totally justified. Extra hard when the thing that makes you feel good – running – is off the table. That’s probably making you feel extra melancholy about the empty nest stage getting closer. That’s far off for me (14 years), but I can imagine it being a tough transition. Still 3 years away though- plenty of school mornings to contend with until then 🙂

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    1. Ha, true Sophie! I’ll try to remind myself of that when I’m grumbling about the 5:30 am wakeup- I’ll miss this someday when my daughter is gone! And you’re right- not running is making me a little more sad overall, and less able to deal with the normal challenges of life.

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  11. Ugh, no, not the calf again. If only it could talk and tell you why it’s bothering you! I hope the chiro will help! I can so relate to the frustration of not being able to do what you want to do (run!) even if you keep reminding yourself how lucky you are in all other areas in your life.

    I love fall and especially all things apple! But I am not ready for fall quite yet (although I am embracing slightly cooler temps this last week!)

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    1. YES. If only my calf could talk to me! I feel like it’s trying to tell me something and I just can’t figure out what it is.

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  12. I am sorry your calf is still not right and i hope you are able to recover soon! And yes I think it is a BIG deal for us not to be able to use our bodies the way we want to. For you that is running! But it is your body and I can imagine how irritating it is when your body is not letting you be you.

    I did not realize your kids are 6 years apart. I thought it was so cool to hear you had a homebirth (this is from way back, a comment on Elizabeth’s blog when I guest posted) and I really love reading bits about your current stage of parenting. a 6 year age gap sounds hard to me, but I think it’s just very different from my very close in age kids. I can’t imagine having a sophomore but I know it’s coming… and probably faster than I expect.

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  13. I love your attitude, Jenny! Yes, it makes sense that you’re feeling really depressed about not being able to run without pain because running is your happy place! And it probably does WONDERS for your mental health, too. I’m glad you’re taking action, though, and I hope this solves the calf issue once and for all.

    I just had my first fall Starbucks drink of the season today! I AM READY FOR FALL.

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  14. Bath and Body works! I will absolutely go there soon to get my candles. Sweater weather is yummy! The three wick ones last a while- I still have some from last year that I have whipped out yesterday, because, cooler evenings in NJ…
    I completely understand your feelings, you are a runner and that what makes you happy. Wishing you all the best!

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  15. Complain all you want! You have a passion for running, and you don’t want to give it up. There is nothing wrong with that, and nothing wrong with being frustrated by your calf pain. I really hope that the chiropractor can help you!

    Oh, candles. I like to buy them at TJ Maxx and places like that, where they are cheaper. I went to a Tommy Bahama store awhile ago and found a scent that I LOVED, but the candle was $42. I cannot even. I don’t know if they ever go on sale, but even then they would probably be more than I am willing to spend.

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    1. OK, I just went and looked at the Tommy Bahama website and candles are 25% off today, which means the $42 candle is now $32. Nope.

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