Well, the holiday mugs are put away and I’m back to my favorite Harry Potter mug. Usually the first week in January feels very blah to me, but this time it’s packed with activity. Thanks to Coco and Deborah for hosting our monthly coffee date. If we were having coffee together, the first thing I would tell you is…
This episode of the Florida Trail Runners podcast was incredible. The guest was Aaron Hale, a runner who is totally blind. AND, he’s deaf. He’s an army veteran who lost his sight from an explosion in Afghanistan, and then four years later he had meningitis which left him completely deaf. He has a cochlear implant, which allows him to “hear” a Siri-like voice, translating the words around him and sending a signal directly to his auditory nerve. As he put it, it’s not like the real thing, but is much, much better than the alternative, which would be having people spell words into his hand, a la Helen Keller.
Oh, and why was he on the trail running podcast? WELL, he just completed a 100 mile race, from Jacksonville Beach to Daytona Beach. He runs tethered to a guide (the guide was also interviewed on the previous podcast episode.) And as if being blind and deaf weren’t enough, when he lost his hearing he lost his vestibular balance, and had to learn how to walk by holding onto the rails of his treadmill. So… the next time I’m tempted to think something is “too hard” for me, I’ll remind myself of the blind and deaf runner with no vestibular balance who just completed a 100 mile race.
As a matter of fact, I’ve been reminding myself of that this week while getting ready for my daughter’s birthday party. I’m suffering from “party hosting anxiety.” I wish my house was spacious, nicely decorated, and impeccably clean, and that I were ready to host a get-together at any moment. Hahahahaha. Instead, I’ve been thrown into a panic- “Pressure clean the patio! Pull all the weeds! Deep clean the bathrooms! Throw all that clutter into the bedroom!”
Then, assuming that I can get the house ready, I always worry that no one will show up, or that they will show up but have a terrible time. In this particular case I have the added worry that the party will be in our backyard, and there are two things out there that are potentially fatal: a pool and a trampoline.
No one will be swimming, because the pool is too cold in the winter. But that doesn’t mean someone can’t fall in (or be pushed.) And the kids WILL be on the trampoline. I know- these people aren’t toddlers. But they are in middle school, and middle schoolers do some stupid things. I keep envisioning having to rush someone to the emergency room.
I can’t decide if I should just avoid hosting parties as much as possible, or do it more often so I can get better at it. At any rate, there will be 10-15 middle schoolers in my backyard tomorrow… but I’m not blind, I’m not deaf, and I don’t have to run 100 miles. I just have to get through this party… I can do it!
Do you like hosting parties? Is your house usually ready for company? Any tips for me?
53 Responses
My party hosting days are over… now I meet friends and family at a restaurant. It’s even stressful when I have to clean for mah jongg at my house.
Good luck with the party.
Thank you Darlene! Unfortunately I feel like my party hosting days are just beginning, sigh.
I am a mess of a host! My house is cluttered, I worry about activities and food and weird vibes…. However, I’m the mother of the most extra of extroverts, so I am trying to get more used to having a crowd and lowering my success metrics. We did a “minute-to-win-it” game-themed birthday party over the summer that caused me no end of stress, but she and her friends seemed to really enjoy themselves at. This year (double digits – oof), she wants to have a Harry Potter 9 3/4’s party earlier in the year because she wants to celebrate while school is in session (more people to invite) – but, I think it’s a trick to have 2 parties instead of 1, haha sigh!
You can do this! The experience is always worse in anticipation – I bet they will have the best time!
Ooooooh! You totally HAVE TO have a 9 3/4s party, that is the best idea ever!!!!! I would be more excited about this party if it had a cool theme like that.
You’re right- I think the anticipation is worse than the actual experience. It’s only three hours- hopefully it will fly by.
I do like hosting get togethers. You kind of have to give up trying to make everything perfect and just remember why you invited these people and why you want to hang out with them. I vote for having more parties so you get less anxious each time. I am always glad we did it!
Okay, I’ll take that into consideration! It does seem like as my daughter is getting older, more people are coming over to the house. So I better get used to it.
Like Deborah, I enjoy hosting & I know I don’t have to have the house HGTV-immaculate. But there’s no denying the stress of making things look less cluttered and more “presentable.” So much of the clutter that needs clearing isn’t mine so that just adds to the problem…but I can usually find a box to stash the unmentionables in and a spare room to hide said box(es) in temporarily, LOL. Good luck!
Ha ha… I already have two boxes of stuff stashed away.
I almost drowned in a pool when I was in middle school. I was at a pool party and had made it clear that I did not swim and stayed in the shallow end. Some guys were goofing around and one of them grabbed my legs (I think he thought I was someone else, in his defense) and pulled me to the deep end and it was really scary. I have been a bit nervous about pools ever since, so even though they are older children, they are STILL CHILDREN.
I love to host. I mean, I don’t look under other people’s beds or check if their baseboards are perfectly dusted when I go visit, so I assume no one does that for me, either. I just like to hang out with people in a cozy place and what’s cozier than my house. On the other hand, I absolutely get freaked out about cleaning when my mother comes to visit, so that’s a whole other ball of wax!
Oooookay…. not exactly what I wanted to hear, but it’s a good reminder to keep a careful watch. Luckily this is NOT a pool party, and the pool is very cold, so if someone does go in, I’ll hear a big dramatic splash. I’ll definitely be closeby just in case.
Ok, put yourself in the mindset of teenager Jenny. Recall a memory of a party from that time – what do you remember? I am going to guess you remember the fun you had with friends, the cake, the laughter. I do not think you remember the state of the house. Now go back to adult Jenny and think of a recent party you’ve been to, and think about what you recall from the party.
I say this because this has been a helpful exercise for me to lower my anxiety around hosting people. It has helped me focus on what matters – which is a fun atmosphere – good snacks, desserts, what have you, fun people, lots of laughter. I used to run around like a chicken with my head cut off when we hosted people – and I learned that from my dear mom who still acts like that, even when she is only hosting her children and grandchildren (and I say “only” because that is a low states gathering – no one is critiquing her, but it can be a massive group of people so I get some of the stress). Anyways, we don’t love being around my mom when she is hosting holidays and I am bound and determined to NOT be like that. So we just make sure the bathroom is clean and that’s kind of it? Is that awful? But with young kids and all the toys and crumbs, it’s hard to get our house in “showing” condition.
So all that said, I do love hosting people now. I love it more than my husband, though. He wishes our house was bigger and had more seating area. So he’d prefer to only host people in the summer. But our boys’ bdays are in December and March and those are not months when we can be outdoors! The only thing I don’t love about having people over is that sometimes I want the night to end earlier than it does. Ha. I like that when I go to someone’s house, I can decide when to leave. Although when we have big groups of people over for the boys bday, they tend to leave when we start Will’s bedtime so those parties never go too long!
I hope the party is super fun and no one gets injured on the trampoline! I hope you hear lots of laughter and giggling – that’s the sign of a good party! And I am sure you will have a good turnout. January can be such a boring month with nothing going on! I know we are on the tales of Christmas, but Christmas was 2 weeks ago now so I bet people will be excited to see their friends on the weekend!
this is so smart and the exact kind of self-talk I need to do before people come over.
THANK YOU! This was great to read. I’ll make myself scarce after putting out all the snacks etc (except that I’ll be secretly lurking nearby to make sure no one is injured or drowns.) We purposely picked this weekend and not her birthday weekend- her actual birthday is way too close to Christmas.
This was a good pep talk. I feel like I’m ready!
I am glad my pep talk worked! Enjoy the lurking! I kind of love lurking and hearing the discussion kids are having. It’s kind of nice to be a fly on the wall.
Hope it all goes well!
Middle schoolers do so many stupid things, especially in packs, and I think they’re very worst house guests of any age of kids. We hosted a middle school cast party and it was freaking horrendous. For us– I am sure the kids had fun. Don’t worry– they care not about the state of your house, will trash your bathrooms, and will be so happy with whatever junk food you provide.
Ha ha ha… I’ll put up with a trashed bathroom if they all just have fun. And don’t end up in the ER!
OMG my house hasn’t seen company in like 3 years. It is so not ready. And I don’t even have kids to clean up after! I feel you (a little). I hope that everything goes smoothly and there are no trips to the ER. I’m sure that will be the case. Just remember it’s about the kids, not you!
I was just having a discussion with my husband today, about how I don’t know how so many women get so much done, while I have much less on my plate and am still struggling. I dunno, I’ve just been out of sorts this week. The endless (but warmer than usual) gray weather I guess.
Yes, I wonder that too. I mean, I work (but it’s not a full 40 hours a week) and my kids are teenagers (and only one kid home, usually.) How do other people have time to keep up with the housecleaning? It’s a mystery to me.
You need to flip the script and recall how much you may or may not remember about the homes of other party hosts you’ve visited. If you’re like me, you don’t notice very much, only how cute the decorations were, how great the food was and how much fun you had. My point is don’t let anxiety get the better of you. You’ll be fine and the party will be great. That podcast sounds fascinating! It definitely helps put things into perspective.
I never notice anything- but that’s just me. But you’re right- these are kids, they won’t be scrutinizing the house (I hope.) I’m feeling more optimistic.
Your daughter is 13 (14?) and believe me, not one of her friends is going to notice the weeds or the pressure-washing or really anything about the house. They just won’t. And as for the trampoline, I have had fourteen teen boys in my backyard for a party, and we have a trampoline, and no one has died or been seriously injured yet. Or, to be honest, injured at all. And I have had many parties! And these are boys and they are all a little crazy! I just say “only x number of people on the tramp at one time, guys” and they largely adhere to that and self-regulate. I hope this is helpful! In my experience, as long as there’s food and good vibes, the kids will have a lot of fun.
Okay, well that REALLY helps! At least this won’t be 14 boys- it will be a mix, with mostly girls. Girls are calmer, right?
I LOVE hosting our family parties, but that’s because the guests are family and friends, so all people that I’m comfortable with and no extra pressure to impress anyone. The boys have a small crew, so it’s never more than 2-3 extra kids, and the nature of teenage boys is that we could have the party in a swamp and they wouldn’t notice or care. 10-15 middle schoolers sounds a bit less fun for sure. Yes it’s easier than running 1,000 miles blind but still quite the endurance challenge. Good luck!
Thank you! Well, that makes me feel a little better- our backyard could be nicer, but it’s not a swamp. So maybe I’m worrying too much about it.
Oh no – please don’t let the stress of hosting get to you! They’re middle schoolers and I’m sure they won’t be scrutinizing your house. I hope your daughter enjoys her party 🙂
Thank you Michelle! Now that it’s getting closer I’m a little less stressed- because there’s not much more I can do to prepare. Whatever happens, happens.
I have ALL of the same frets and concerns before I have people over. All. Of. Them. So I empathize with you, so much! It will be fine, and you CAN do it, and then it will be OVER. (I hate hosting. I mean, I wish I loved hosting because I like the IDEA of hosting. But I hate it because it is So Very Stressful.)
Okay, that makes me feel better! I’m soooo looking forward to it being over. I’m glad I’m not the only one!
First off, happy birthday to your daughter and as previous people have mentioned, her friends won’t care about the state of the house. Just feed them pizza on paper plates and they’d be happy! We used to host so many parties, and then Covid hit. I really need to get back to hosting occasionally again!
Well, that’s funny because pizza on paper plates is exactly what we’re having!
I’m so not a good entertainer, so I get your anxiety!!! But as always, the details don’t matter. People are going to have a great time no matter what!
Okay, I’m going to use that as my mantra for tomorrow- “details don’t matter.”
Yes, middle schoolers do stupid things, but probably not usually at birthdays hosted by someone’s parents. I am sure the kids won’t notice any dust bunnies you missed and will have a good time.
I don’t entertain much, but when I do it takes me all day to prepare — even if we’re just having a few people over for a simple meal. But, it’s always fun when it’s happening.
The blind and deaf runner sounds amazing. It really underscores the determination runners can have.
Okay, that makes me feel a little better. At least our weather will be nice- that’s half the battle with an outdoor party.
That’s amazing! I’m gonna have to listen to that episode — people can be so inspiring.
Best of luck with you on the hosting! I’m…working on getting better at that, hahaha.
I want everyone to listen to that episode! It really is amazing.
I haven’t hosted a party in forever (and the last time I hosted anyone was my family last summer and we had to make room in the backyard). My home is small and we can’t really host company (more than one, or max two people) and so we hardly ever do. I think I would feel different if I had the space.
Also, I am super-impressed by the blind and deaf trail runner. I watched part of the CIM (California International Marathon) in December, because it goes through my neighborhood, and I saw a blind runner being led by a guide. I thought it was so cool!
I love that mug.
Our house is usually about 30 minutes away from “ready for guests.” I worry about the pugs. They are really sweet, but also really fierce, and it can be a lot. But I always hosted huge parties for A when he was younger. Now, he wants to go out for a meal and fishing or golfing or camping. Easy peasy.
Hmmm… I’m not sure I would consider “camping” to be easy!
I *want* to be someone who enjoys planning/throwing parties, but I am not. For me, it’s all about surviving and hoping the kids have fun (which they always do).
Kids DEFINITELY don’t notice anything amiss with a messy house or if things don’t go to plan, so I don’t really worry about that too much. I just…find it stressful to have a lot of people in my house.
Yes- it’s stressful to have a lot of people in the house, even if everything is going well. Two of the kids stayed till almost 10:00 and I couldn’t wait for them to go!
My daughter’s birthday is later this week and we’ve invited some of her friends over for a sleepover, and I’m spinning in circles thinking, “But what are they going to *do*???” I’m trying to resist panic ordering stuff off Amazon to entertain them.
and in truth when i asked her what she wanted to do, she said, “Eat pizza and watch movies.” So I guess it is easier than I think. Plus, I think it might only end up being one or two friends that actually sleepover since the other friends live just down the street and want to go home at night. But it’s her first birthday party since 2019, so I do want it be special. So. Much. Pressure!
Oh yes I know!!! I probably wouldn’t have worried so much if it were just a few friends for a sleepover. I think they’ll be fine watching movies. With a larger group, I just felt like we should offer some sort of activity- and they did paint rocks. But they probably also would have been fine without them
Good luck!
I enjoy having friends or family over, small parties. Our house needs paint, new cabinets in the kitchen, and new flooring. It needs a lot. So when people are coming over, it bothers me a lot. I doubt it bothers anyone else.
Good luck, I hope the party is perfect!
Hmm, that’s funny because our house needs all those things as well (especially new kitchen cabinets.) But… no one noticed as far as I know. Of course these were 14-year-old kids, so they’re probably not looking too closely at cabinets.
I am also always a little anxious hosting a party, so much so that if I don’t invite people over it will just not happen. My kids seem to prefer small birthdays with just a handful of friends what is completely fine with me. I usually like having people over best if it is unplanned, like just running into someone at the park and ending with having dinner together at our or their place. It happened more often when the kids were younger – now there always seems to be something, sigh.
An impromptu dinner like that would stress me out- I would be rushing home to clean the bathrooms and tidy up. I guess I just need to start keeping my house cleaner!
Ha, now this is the post where you mention the birthday party! I read Sunday’s post before this one. Now it makes sense. 🙂 I rarely host because my apartment is too small. Sometimes I will have my sisters and brother over but that’s it. We don’t even have enough chairs for everyone and need to use the computer desks. Plus, the apartment is so old and not really nice looking, that the owner is waiting for me to move so he can remodel it.
Yes, chairs! That’s another thing. I didn’t even try to pretend that everyone would have a place to sit at my daughter’s party- I figured 14 year olds could either sit on the ground or stand.
Oh goodness, I can relate to this anxiety so well! I do not love hosting because I just get very anxious about the logistics of everything and making sure everyone is having a good time and is happy. It feels very stressful! I hope everything went off wonderfully and there were no ER visits to worry about!
Well, there were no visits to the ER and the kids all had a good time. I was still cringing over certain aspects of the house, but no one else cared.
Before Covid – I used to host a party every year for both kids (and did in fact get so much better at it – especially controlling that gut-worry-feel leading up to it). And by the time I got to the last one in 2019, I had gotten so much better at it – so it seems doing it over and over again was a good thing. Then Covid came and I haven’t had a party since then. Both kids have demanded big parties (Kaia turns 11 on 11 April so says this is extremely significant and warrants a HUGE party); Thiwa turns 9 in May and says this is his last single digit year so he needs a huge one. This has all left me shaking!!! But I too shall channel this incredible blind and deaf 100-miler. What inspiration to draw on for any aspect of life.
You can do it! I like your kids’ logic on this one. Good luck with it!