A couple days ago, Elisabeth published a post called I Won’t Play On The Men’s Olympic Hockey Team (On Limitations). I loved it so much and started to leave a comment… but then realized I had a LOT to say, so I’ve stolen the topic for my own post. (Thanks, Elisabeth!)
I remember years ago, having a very passionate argument with my (now ex) boyfriend on the subject of limitations. He truly believed that you can do anything if you truly want it and work hard enough. I disagreed, citing the example that I couldn’t be an Olympic gymnast or a professional basketball player, no matter how hard I tried. But he refused to back down from his position.
I’m surprised we didn’t break up then and there, because that way of thinking drives me nuts. Sure, I agree that most people limit themselves too much, and there’s a lot to be said for pushing yourself beyond perceived barriers.
HOWEVER. I still stand by the belief that even if I had decided at the age of three or four, worked harder than anyone else and believed with all my heart, there was still no way I was going to become a professional ballet dancer. There are just some things that require an amount of innate talent to be successful.
There’s a saying, “Hard work beats talent that doesn’t work hard.” We’ve always said it to our kids about their musical endeavors. Probably the most common words out of my mouth are “just keep practicing.”
But the truth is, both my kids were born with musical talent. Without it, you can only go so far. Likewise, without hard work, you’ll only go so far. It’s the combination of the two things that make a successful musician.
Okay, so most of us aren’t trying to be a ballerina, gymnast, or professional musician. Most of the things we want can be obtained with persistence and the belief that we can do it. Getting a degree, running a marathon, having a successful and challenging career, putting our kids through college- these are all areas where we should aim high and not let limiting beliefs stop us. But…
What about a different kind of limitation?
When I was visiting my sister recently, she warned me that their front porch got very slippery when it rained. I said something like “Oh, I’m always very careful when I see a wet surface like that” and we had a little conversation about how in our youth, we would never think twice about slipping on the porch, but now that we’re older, one of our goals in life is “don’t fall.” A little caution never hurt anyone.
On the last day of that visit, I went for a hilly run (very hilly for a this flat Florida runner) and hurt my hamstring. I made some sort of snarky comment to my sister about hurting my leg on “her” hills, and she said “Didn’t we have a conversation about being careful? You didn’t really follow your own advice.”
Hrumph.
In a week I’ll be in Waco, Texas helping my son move into his apartment. I’m hoping to do some running while I’m there, and have been researching parks with running trails. One recommended hike is “Jacob’s Ladder,” 100 steps built into a hillside, with incredible views at the top. Ooh, I can’t wait!
And then I had the unwelcome thought, “I hope it doesn’t hurt my hamstring.”
Wait! I don’t want to think like that! I don’t want to be that person, who has to avoid fun adventures for fear of hurting myself. I had an older man come in for a massage the other day- he has back issues, which are exacerbated when he plays golf. He still plays, but explained that he just doesn’t take a full swing anymore. Granted, he’s probably in his 80s, so it’s great that he’s still playing golf at all.
But I’m only 56, and I guess what I’m saying is, I still want to take a full swing. I’m trying to figure out how to balance that desire with the desire to avoid injuring myself. I’ll admit it’s a mindset shift that I’m having trouble with.
It’s funny that in my youth I argued that limitations exist, and now I’m chafing against them. I’ll probably walk up Jacob’s Ladder in Waco, but there’s a part of me that wants to believe that no, I’m going to run up those 100 steps. I’m not ruling it out.
Thanks as always to Kim and Zenaida’s Tuesday Topic linkup!
Do you believe that limitations exist, or that we can do literally anything?
Do you accept that you’ll have more limitations as you get older? Or are you fighting against that like me?
28 Responses
I agree with you when it comes to limitations. While I do 100% believe that we can limit ourselves with our thoughts (especially negative thinking), it’s a little farfetched to believe that we “can be anything we want if we put our minds to it”. I for sure couldn’t be an Olympic or professional athlete. I think those professions also require natural talent, along with skill and hard work.
I wish you had been there to chime in when I had the argument with that boyfriend, Kim!
I love your thoughts.
genetics plays a part in many things.
But I do think we can do more that we think we do… if we only tried.
Like running a marathon. I think anyone can… BQ.. well, no!
So many people slow down because they think they should as they are getting older… and IMO missing out.
I know rest days are important but geez!!
We don’t know how long we have so CARPE DIEM!
Don’t worry about your hamstring… climb those steps. (don’t hate me if you get injured now LOL)
Ha ha ha… I plan to climb those steps and if I get injured, you’ll be hearing about it!!!
Excellent topic! Fully agree with you.
The one limitation that I refuse to accept is age.
I remember what middle-aged people were like when I was in my 20s. They all behaved like old people. I don’t want to be like that, not even when I’m 80.
Being active, surrounding yourself with younger people (other than family members) and embracing new adventures help to fight that mindset.
Go for that full swing, Jenny!
Thank you Catrina! I agree- I don’t see age as a limiting factor. I think people have issues as they get older and sometimes they just give up and say “oh well, I’m old!” But we have to find ways to fight against it.
I definitely agree with you all of this. Hard work can only get you so far in most cases. You need genetics/natural ability to be on your side to enter the elite arena of any endeavor. Maybe there are exceptions to this, but overall that is what I think. There are things I am naturally good at and that I also happen to enjoy – like math. It comes far easier to me than it did to some of siblings so they focused on career paths that had less math and I am in a very numbers/math-based field. If you are passionate about something and not naturally good at it, you can still be really successful but it will take a lot more work.
I do think about limitations more now that I am older. I don’t love that but it’s kind of the reality of life. But there can be consequences to ignoring limitations – like running when injured. I ran through pain a lot in my 20s/early 30s but now I know it’s better to figure out what is going on versus powering through it. And my RA limits me to some extent. I still have a full, healthy life, but I think I need more sleep than the average person possibly because of my chronic illness. I’m so glad I can work from home a few days a week because it’s far easier to fit workouts in on those days. Otherwise I would have to get up at 5am to workout and I know there are people who would do that without batting an eye – and I used to get up around 5 to workout pre-kids/pre-RA diagnosis. But it takes it toll these days so I have had to prioritize sleep over exercising more so that I did in my 20s/30s. But I really prioritize staying active and keeping my body healthy. My mom is approaching her mid-70s and while she never really “exercised” like I do, she is very healthy and active. She mows their lawn, goes for walks, can crouch down on the ground to play with her grandkids and I don’t know that she’ll ever need a joint replacement. My MIL is different. She is 4 years older, I think, but she’s had a knee replacement and isn’t as agile. She wouldn’t be able to watch our kids for an afternoon because it would be too physically taxing (which I get – young kids are tiring!). But my parents are happily watching them for 5 days in December so Phil and I can go on a vacation (fingers crossed this all works out!). I hope to be like that, but I do think kids keep you young. My parents had 5 kids and my mom had her last kid when she was 40. So they had kids in their house until their late 50s and it does keep you young I think/hope!
I’ll agree with that! At least, that’s what I’m hoping too (I had my daughter when I was 40.)
You bring up an interesting point- we all have something. Your “limiting factor” may be RA, while mine is a difficult foot (or whatever.). Everyone faces challenges and has to work around them. Thanks for reminding me of that!
I agree that not everyone has the natural ability to be an olympic athlete or basketball player. Height is something you can’t change obviously! As I have gotten older, I also work to find way to get around my perceived limitations and work around them to achieve my goals. Nice topic
Yes, I think we definitely have to work harder as we get older. Getting around perceived limitations is a good way of putting it.
Oh, I totally agree about natural limitations (and/or abilities). I am horribly uncoordinated, and struggled so much (during my youth) with how difficult some sports were for me. I was determined for things to be better for our kids…so both daughters took dance from preschool and on (the oldest bailed when she was a sophomore in HS, the younger stayed in through graduation). What I observed is that while both grew up to be very well-spoken and poised, with no fear of public speaking or being “on stage,” both had very different abilities with dance. The older one, tall and lanky like her mom, loved dance until she was in middle school. All of her friends had stopped growing, but she continued to keep getting taller, making her feel like she was constantly having to re-learn how to move her body. The younger daughter, had a more natural ability to mimic the dance moves without a lot of trouble. She was often featured in some of her studio’s performances and stayed in dance (even when that entailed putting up with the other girls becoming drama queens in the later years). The trick is finding out what each of us excel at, and embracing our own unique abilities. I am SO thankful I figured out the running thing!
Yes, thank god for running! Pretty much anyone can do it- you don’t need to be especially talented or coordinated. And how good we get at it depends largely on how much we’re willing to put into it.
Neither of my kids has any interest in sports, and my daughter would laugh in my face if I suggested dance (sigh.) But I haven’t given up on running for them- they can still come to it when they’re older.
Great thoughts on a topic that has clearly been on my mind.
Ironic – en route home from her grandparents, my daughter climbed up a 100+ step set of steps built into a large hill called Jacob’s Ladder. The last time we visited the park with this climb, my husband carried a (folded) jogging stroller up every step to the top because our son was still too little to hike. Time flies!
That is funny- I think Jacob’s Ladder turns out to be a popular name for that type of staircase. I came across a bunch of them while I was googling it. Well, I’ll be taking pictures of my Jacob’s Ladder so we can compare!
This is a great topic! In my early adulthood I became interested in music and started taking voice and piano lessons. At first everyone said “we can tell that you work so hard! You have so much potential”. I worked incredibly hard and after a few years the feedback that I got was “we can tell that you work so hard”. The amount of effort that I was putting in simply wasn’t justifying the results and it was crowding other things out of my life. I’m at a similar position with running now where it’s out of balance with the rest of my life and not getting me anything. Yes I COULD keep trying to be a fast runner and I COULD take up music again, but why?
And of course there’s the other very important end of the spectrum – no one wants to get hurt on a hill but yet there are hills that we need to climb!
That’s a funny story (“we can tell that you work so hard!”) Yes, sometimes it helps to know your limitations. But I like your last sentence there- well put!
I think that whole argument that there are no limits always comes from people who are very privileged. My niece has cerebral palsy and not only will she never been on the men’s Olympic hockey team, she’ll never jump or run. It’s clear from the research that most people move up in economic brackets because they come from a stable background already (or they marry well). There are no limits is frequently a statement made by someone who has never faced any real challenges in their life. For those of us with privilege, I think it behooves us to take advantage of those privileges (climb the steps!) when we can, but never to take them for granted.
Yes, it’s a good thing to keep in mind. We’re incredibly privileged in so many ways. Yes, I must take advantage of that privilege and climb Jacob’s Ladder! You’ll be hearing all about it.
Wow, great topic and lots of deep thinking. I am at a point in my life where as long as I try then that is good enough for me. I do the best I can and enjoy what I do. I do not want to get hurt or injured and I want to be healthy so that I can take care of myself when I older. Taking care of my mom has got me thinking because I do not have kids so who will take care of me? That person is ME. Did I go off topic here? 😀
Ha ha, you can always go off topic with me. I guess there’s a point we all get to where we realize we need to take better care of ourselves- something you don’t think so much about when you’re younger.
I used the professional basketball player example too! No matter how hard I work, it’s not happening.
I read this yesterday and have been turning it over in my mind. On the one hand, I know what you’re saying: you want to take that full swing. I hear you! I do! I have a student (all my anecdotes come from my seniors I guess) who is a tennis player, and another who was a tennis player but had a knee replacement and now plays pickleball. The first student privately told me that she is not going to play pickleball UNTIL SHE HAS TO. She views it as a step down. These ladies are in their 70s, so it’s great they are so active, and I can see both sides. She wants to play tennis, she can, she should. But is pickleball a “step down?” I mean, it’s still a fun activity (or so I hear, I have never played it).
But on the other hand, I have really changed my yoga practice over the past five years or so. In my 30s and early 40s I was able to hold some crazy asana (Ashtanga second series), and I don’t do those anymore. They just don’t feel good! So I guess I have accepted that as a limitation, and have adapted to it. I plan on practicing daily yoga in some form until I drop dead, so I want it to be a practice that nourishes me, and doesn’t hurt.
When it comes to running, that’s a tricky wicket. I was talking to a lady – again, she’s 70 – who ran until she was 65, now she walks briskly (what is with my seniors and their brisk walking? They are all in good shape!). I mean, at some point I know running isn’t going to be a great option for me. But at what point? There is a lady in my neighbourhood who runs a lot, and she’s NOT a young woman. Her pace is fantastic, her form is fantastic, and I don’t see her walking briskly.
I guess I have no point here. I can see *CUE MUSIC* from BOTH SIDES NOW from WIN AND LOSE AND STILL SOMEHOW…
I understand what you’re saying, limitations exist! But at what point do we need to capitulate? I guess that’s the question. It’s a matter of adapting our activities so we can enjoy them throughout our life and maybe, just maybe, at some point not taking the full swing.
It’s an interesting subject for sure! I’m glad it made you think- and we can both thank Elisabeth for the original post. I kept turning her post over in my mind until it became one of my own.
I am starting to accept my limitations “within reason”; however, I still probably push the envelope a little more than I should.
Jacob’s Ladder looks and sounds like a fun hike/run up. There’s nothing wrong with doing whatever combination of running/walking that feels best on your hammie.
Deb. you’re actually a great example of someone who made a brilliant pivot. You ran all those races and then had to stop because of a back problem- but then really embraced cycling and have all sorts of adventures still. And yes… I’ll be run/walking that hike!
Great food for thought. I agree with you that not everyone can excel at everything no matter how hard they try — and I think that’s OK! I does seem that part of getting older (ahem!) is figuring out how much we can/should push ourselves and when we should pull back.
I’d walk up those stairs, because even injury-free I know running up them would make my calves angry — that’s called learning from my mistakes. 😉
Yes, I’ll probably be walking up those stairs! Now that you mention it, I don’t think my calves would like them either.
Oh, I absolutely agree. There are definitely natural limitations both in ability and often opportunity as well.
One thing that nobody has mentioned (I think) is that besides natural talent AND hard work, most professional *whatevers* have to have had little bit of luck to be able to do what they do. Just because you’re good and you work hard, means you’ll make it to the top. There are so many other factors, outside of one’s control, that often play a role in that.
I think I shared an article before “in defense of being average”, and I think that really nailed it: we should always strive to be the best, do our best, but be okay with being average (in probably most things in life).