It’s finally here! NationalBlogPostingMonth has begun. I’ll be joining San and many other bloggers in the challenge to post 30 blogs posts in the month of November. Check out San’s page for a list of participants!
Recently, my thirteen-year-old daughter said “I feel like everyone else knows how to do everything, and I’m just pretending.” Well, ACTUALLY, I told her, almost everyone feels like that most of the time, and there’s even a name for it- Imposter Syndrome.
According to Wikipedia, “Imposter syndrome is a psychological occurrence in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.” It’s an exaggeration to say I feel that way most of the time, of course- I don’t feel like an imposter when I’m driving, or cooking, or grocery shopping. But I definitely suffer from imposter syndrome at work.
I’m a massage therapist, and usually give four or five massages a day. There are times when I get into a flow state, and am so focused that I don’t have any extraneous thoughts. And there are times where I genuinely feel like I can’t help someone, and recommend a different therapist. I have no problem with that. But a lot of the time I have those irrational thoughts: I’m not doing a good job, this person is unhappy with my massage, they were expecting something different, etc.
The craziest thing is, I have it especially badly when someone actually PRAISES me. If someone says “That was the best massage ever! It was exactly what I wanted! I’m coming back again next week,” I’ll actually dread seeing them again. I’m afraid the next time they come, they’ll be disappointed. I might forget what kind of massage I gave them the first time, and they’ll realize they don’t like me after all.
I know this makes no sense! I’ve gone to school for this, and I’ve been doing it for years. I’m not going to “forget” how to give a massage from one week to the next! I would love to know what causes this irrational fear of being discovered as a fraud- is it some kind of mental malfunction, like a phobia of spiders, or clowns? Or is it simply the result of an overactive mind, and not staying present?
Last year at the end of October, when San mentioned NaBloPoMo, I had only been blogging a little over a year. I thought, “Sure, I’ll join! Why not?” I jumped in, and I guess you could say I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Once I got started it seemed like everyone else was much more experienced, and seemed like actual writers. I thought “What did I get myself into?” But I persevered, and I’m so glad I did. And I’m glad I didn’t overthink it before I started, or I wouldn’t have done it at all.
Now that I’ve been blogging a little longer, I can appreciate that there are no rules for blogging. There are so many different subjects and styles- the blogging police won’t come and tell you you’re doing it wrong. You can post about something “important” or you can blog about your mug collection. It’s totally worth jumping in and seeing what you can do- why not? In a way, we’re all making it up as we go along.
A huge thank you to San for organizing #NaBloPoMo again this year! It’s not too late to join us if you want to jump in as well.
And as always, thanks for reading. I’m glad to be here.
26 Responses
Well, for what it’s worth, your blog is one of my absolute favourite places to read ANYWHERE on the internet!! I get so happy to see a new post in my feed from you <3
I had a similar interaction with my daughter over the summer. She was talking about how some friends had been unkind to her about not being able to do something (can't remember the details now). I was trying to relate and help her work through the complicated threads of emotions when she commented: "You don't understand, Mom, because you know how to do everything so well." And I almost started bawling because just that morning I had written down in a journal: "I feel so…mediocre."
Mediocre. Not terrible, not amazing. Mediocre. Somehow that almost felt worse than saying I'm objectively bad at X,Y,Z. Mediocre means I'm somewhere floundering in the middle.
Anyhoo. It's not necessarily the exact same thing as imposter syndrome (I get that too), but the word mediocre has stuck in my mind ever since and I'm working through it in two ways:
1) It's okay to be mediocre!
2) I need to adjust my definition of mediocrity. If I'm doing my best in any given situation (or, intentionally choosing NOT to do my best because it's not a priority in my life), that's a sign of maturity, right?
I'm so excited to hear your voice each day this month, Jenny!!!
Thank you so much Elisabeth for the kind words! Now I’m mulling over this concept of “mediocrity.” And, you’re lucky your daughter think you do everything well. My daughter has reached the phase where she’s suddenly questioning whether I do anything well. Ever since the car accident (okay, okay, that was my fault!) she’s been hypercritical of my driving. Just to name one example!
This is such a great post. Imposter Syndrome is no fun, but your point about jumping right in and doing it (whatever “it” may be) anyway is so smart. Sometimes you have to fake it til you make it!
Yes, I completely agree. Now that I’ve written that about jumping right in to NaBloPoMo, I’m trying to adopt it in other areas of my life.
Don’t laugh, but the one place that I don’t have impostor syndrome is at work! There are exactly one billion things that I don’t know about accounting and I don’t care to know. I spend my days alternating between hiding in Excel and talking to people and for some reason I get paid for it. I think that if I did anything else I’d feel under much more pressure to be “more”.
Since you’re going to be writing a lot this month, I’d love to hear more about your career. I know that you have a musical background but how did you get from there to here????
I’m excited to see all of the NaBloPo posts coming out! It’s Blogging Christmas!
Ha, great description- Blogging Christmas! You know I like anything Christmas-related.
That’s funny about your work- I’m going to try to adopt that attitidue. I mean- there’s no way anyone can know EVERYTHING- I should just accept that and not worry about it.
Oh, boy, do I feel Imposter Syndrome big time right now. I keep going on interviews for jobs (I get interviews!) and then not getting them. I keep thinking that it has to be something I’m doing wrong, even though it’s possible that it’s really just I’m not a good fit for whatever. Ugh. It’s hard to get negative self-talk down to a low level sometimes!
Yes, without knowing the situation hardly at all, I think it’s very likely that it’s just not the right fit. But I know what you mean- there are those lingering doubts…
I am glad to read about you NaBloPoMo experience from last year. I almost did not dare to jump but here I am. When it comes to imposter syndrome I feel like we are our hardest critiques. My 11 year old told me he is not good at writing but his teacher telling me he is doing just fine 😉
Oh, my daughter is insisting that she’s “stupid” and it drives me crazy! But once again- she’s her hardest critic, like you said.
Jenny, I love your spin on this …. I definitely know a thing or two about imposter syndrome! While I quite often feel like a capable and functioning adult, I also always have these thoughts that everyone around me know more than me and does things better than me, even if someone praises my work (then I am wondering, what are they not saying??) … LOL It’s quite stupid, to be frank, but yeah, I definitely want to work on getting rid off these negative feelings.
I am so glad you jumped in and gave NaBloPoMo a try last year…. and as others have said already, you’re keeping a great blog with lots of interesting thoughts and topics and you should just keep doing what you’re doing! The many readers are proof that this is working 😉
Aw, thanks San! I’m glad to hear other people feel this way, and everyone’s not thinking “She must be crazy!”
Doing NaBloPoMo really helped my blogging- it gave me a chance to explore different topics other than just running and working out, and I realized I like being a little more diverse. Who knows what will happen this year!
I’m looking forward to reading your posts this month – like always! I am new to your blog so I am sure I will learn more about you! It’s nice to know of another runner who had kids a little later than most of the people I know. You’re kind of like a surrogate big sister in a way! Ha!
I have imposter syndrome at work, too. I work with really really intelligent people so that kind of contributes. And I feel sooo young. I am younger than the average person on the portfolio management side, but I’m not always younger than the clients we work with. But when they ask me for advice on what they should do with their clients money I think – gosh these people are asking me? But I did get my MBA and I have my CFA certification which took a crazy amount of studying over the course of 3 years. So I am qualified. But I have to remind myself of that!
Ha ha… I’m glad you didn’t call me you”surrogate mother.” I’ll be your big sister! Seriously when I read your blog it takes me back to those years- usually in a happy way.
Yes, it’s funny that we feel unqualified for these things that we’re actually VERY qualified for! With you, it could be your age, and with me, maybe it’s because this is my second career. Or maybe I’m just an insecure person, ha.
When I first started working as a nurse practitioner, I used to joke that I wasn’t a doctor, but I play one on TV. Haha. Bad joke, but I had huge Imposter syndrome. Not anymore. It’s pretty cool to see the transition. I had the same issue when I started running and for years until I ran my 2d marathon. I couldn’t call myself a runner. So now my issue is that I’m running trails but not ultras. Can I call myself a trail runner?
The insecurity runs deep with this one…
Well, it’s funny because you seem like a badass trail runner to me- someone else’s perspective is always different than your own. And good to now the work Imposter Syndrome goes away, eventually- maybe I just need to keep doing it.
Go Jenny go! I think we all get imposter syndrome at times. I sure do! I feel like it’s a bit of a society thing, that tells us we aren’t enough as we are and WE ARE ENOUGH!!! So yay for you for doing this!
Thank you Nicole! I’m really trying to embrace the “jump right in” mentality. If I can do it for NaBloPoMo, why can’t I do it for most other things? Life is too short to hang back.
Yours is one of my favorite blogs too, like one poster said above. I like the mix of topics, and when Imposter Syndrome manifests as funny self-deprecation, it makes for good blog reading!
I’m a software developer so my career is always going to be full of Imposter Syndrome. Because even a seasoned software developer is always going to be three steps behind, with how fast technology moves. Unless I stopped sleeping, I could never learn fast enough to keep up (but neither can anyone else). I can’t say I have a great answer besides the tactic I also use in running… just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Thank you for those kind words, Katie! I think your attitude of “I’m three steps behind but so is everyone else” is probably the best. We should be reminding ourselves that NO ONE has everything figured out. I’m actually really glad I wrote about that topic because everyone’s ideas are really helping me!
I didn’t realize last your that you haven’t been blogging long. So on my end you fit right in here into the blogging community.
However I hear you about the imposter syndrome. I have that feeling too when it comes to my job. Isn’t it weird. We are doing it for years we keep training and educating ourselves and still we think we are not good enough. I sometimes think it is because I am humble and I know that there is always more to learn and then I am angry that I can’t admit that I am actually good at something. And while I am glad I am not alone I rather read you are not suffering from imposter syndrome. Arghhhh life…
When I first started blogging I was so insecure about it, I didn’t really admit that I was a newbie. Now that I’ve been doing it longer I feel like I can admit it! I’m a little reassured by how many people have said they have imposter syndrome with their jobs- although like you, I feel bad that we’re all suffering from this.
Yay! I’m glad you’re doing NaBloPoMo this year again, Jenny. That’s how I found your blog last year. It’s fun to have another Florida blogger to follow. 🙂
Imposter syndrome is STRONG with me. I feel it all the time. I always figured it was something that would go away when I was older and had “figured things out” (you know, like the way we think our parents always had all the answers) but I’ve learned that nobody really has all the answers. We’re all just doing the best we can.
It definitely helps to hear other people say they struggle with it too! I’m trying to tell myself “Other people feel like this- we’re all just trying to figure it out and do the best we can.”
Yes, NaBloPoMo is how I found your blog as well! It is fun to hear about life over in your area of our state.
I like that I can write about anything so there is less pressure to write about a specific thing. Today I posted a picture of the beer flight I had yesterday. It made me happy so there’s that. 🙂
Yes, I agree- there’s less pressure. More fun.