During my long run today, I listened to the latest episode of Sally McRae’s podcast where she asked the question, “Do you think your best days are behind you, or ahead of you?”
My gut reaction was, “AHEAD!” That was apparently the direction Sally was going, because she talked about having hope and big goals. But Eddie (her husband and cohost) said something like “Well, when I was younger my back didn’t hurt, so I wouldn’t mind going back there.”
It got me thinking… why do I think my best days are still ahead? When I really delve into it, there were pros and cons to all the phases of my adult life.
In my 20s I was working as a musician. I traveled all over the US and Europe, lived in New York City, and generally had a lot of fun. But there was a lot of angst in those years as well- I had some big breakups, struggled with loneliness, and a general lack of self-confidence.
In my early 30s I set all my running PRs, from the 5K to the marathon. I met my husband when I was 34 and we got married the following year. We also moved to Florida, and I made a career change. My husband likes to joke that I joined the witness protection program- changed my job, location and name all in the course of a year. When I was 36 my son was born, and I became a stay-at-home mom.
In my 40s I was just getting my bearings when, at the age of 42, I had the very happy surprise of finding myself pregnant again. The rest of my 40s were tumultuous. I dealt with a very difficult toddler, lost both my parents, and finally went back to work as a massage therapist.
50s! I can honestly say that, while there are still ups and down, my 50s have been the best decade so far. One of the big reasons is that I care so much less about what other people think of me. There’s actually research to support this- post-menopausal women generally report a lack of concern about other people’s opinions.
There’s also something to be said about being “older and wiser.” I can look back on some very difficult situations in my life with a new perspective. I can better understand what motivated some challenging people in my life, and I’m able to be kinder to “past Jenny” who I can now appreciate was doing the very best she could at the time.
I guess that’s why I have optimism about the future. And, there’s more research that shows people generally do get happier as they age. People in their 50s are happier than people in their 40s, 60s are happier again, 70s happier still, and then 80s and beyond depends on health. I imagine you continue to get happier unless you have debilitating health issues, in which case I suppose life starts to, well…kind of suck.
What do you think? Are you getting happier the older you get?
Do you think your best days are behind you, or ahead of you?
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29 Responses
Here’s to our best days being ahead of us! I feel like my life is easier now that my three kids are adults. Plus financially we are a lot better off (a combination of the business doing well and not having the kid expenses) But the days with the kids, even though they were hard were still good, so such a hard question. I’m still hoping to be able to get some PB’s in running—one of the perks of taking up running when you’re older, and if I can just finish a marathon, I’ll get a PB.
You definitely have plenty ahead of you (like that marathon!) I know what you mean about life being easier as kids get older… but I do miss those young years as well. They were hard, but special.
I think we have to keep thinking that our best days are ahead of us, or else what would we do, just mourn the good ol’ days and not try to seek out new things? No, thanks! I think having potential in the future is a good thing, and I do agree with you that part of that is worrying less about what people think about you. I feel like we are more comfortable in our own skin, and kind of know better what we want and where we belong, which leads us to be less anxious about the future. I also think that our FOMO decreases, and the need to compare ourselves with others does too. I feel like my past was good, but I know I still have a lot of good things ahead!
That’s true- if we DON’T believe our best days are still ahead, then that would be a pretty depressing life. And I agree that most people get more comfortable in their own skins as they get older, which is a huge perk.
I’d like to think ahead. By mostly live each day as if it’s your last. Sounds depressing but who knows how long we have.
I’ve made mistakes in the past and would like a redo. But those mistakes led me to good things. Like my friends near and far and running. My early days were so different. A French teacher married to a musician/teacher.
I hope we both have better days ahead or at least good days and few bad days.
I do think about living each day as if it’s the last one- not too often (because that would be depressing) but every once in a while I remind myself that our days are numbered, and none of us know when our time will be up.
You were married to a musician/teacher? Sounds like my life! I want to talk about that when you’re hear.
he played in a band (guitar, banjo, violin) and taught English. Now married to a retired truck driver who plays tennis.
Love this, Jenny! I feel like I’m happiest right now too, although I’ve had many happy years and decades. I love the line in Anticipation that goes These are the good old days. I love thinking that.
I do know people who desperately wish that they could be transported back to their younger years and that way lies madness, I think. Or at least that way lies unhappiness. I do get it though, remembering more carefree days and happy times. I personally have a tendency to gloss over things in the past so I can think “oh that was fun” and not remember the hard things.
I definitely think I’m happier as I get older. Now hopefully I didn’t just jinx myself!
I honestly have no idea if this comment makes sense, it’s early, I’m on my first coffee, I DON’T KNOW, JENNY! I am just going to post it in all its glory and leave you to unravel it. Tl;dr, I love this post, it was perfect for today.
Ha, thanks Nicole. I’s true that, in addition to having fewer physical ailments, there was something carefree about youth. We didn’t have to worry about things like mortgages and taxes. Also, having your parents around gives a sense of security- I miss that. But- we have to move forward!
Wow, Jenny…. I think about this a lot…
I really do think that the fifties have brought a sense of comfort with myself I never had before. I hope life keeps getting more comfortable.
OTOH, will my body ever get “better” than it is today? I don’t know.
I have the (possibly insane) notion that my body will get better- but all evidence points to the contrary.
Haven’t you managed to reverse or halt bone density loss with your workouts? That does seem like your body getting better.
I am hopeful that my best days are ahead of me! I’m in a job now that I much prefer to my TV news gigs in my 20s and feel a little more stable. I was a faster runner a few years ago but there have been some factors that have slowed me down that I’m hopeful to be able to solve someday, but if not, I now know my body is capable of going further than I ever thought!
I was definitely faster… but I haven’t given up hope that I can run “fast” again. It’s true that we’re still setting distance PRs though!
My heart hurts thinking that you lost both your parents in your 40s. I’m sorry. That sounds really difficult.
I love your husband’s witness protection program remark. Well said.
Gee, I don’t know. This is hard. I think for so many reasons, I’m happiest right now. Like you, I don’t care much about what other people think of me. I spent many, many years upset about relationships in my family of origin. Wanting to feel included vs excluded. Bah, ick. I’ve moved on from there and feel like my vision is so much cleared. Plus, I have the support of my offspring and Coach (Coach didn’t always ‘get it’), and my kids see the whole hierarchy and the weird stuff, and I feel so very seen.
I spent my early 20s wondering/ focusing on who I would marry. So young! I honestly really LOVED the years when my kids were tiny. Babies, toddlers, school age. We had a blast. They were so fun, and we did all the things. I was a stay at home mom and I loved every minute of it. If I could go back and tell myself that the problems only got bigger and more challenging, I think I’d enjoy it even more. If that makes sense.
Present day is better because I enjoy spending time with my kids as adults, or almost adults. They are fun and engaging and hilarious. They have things to say and they are a blast. The problems are bigger and more daunting, true. Financially we are also not as Panicked. Which is not to say that we have a money tree in our yard, but we are not fretting over every expense. That’s a true blessing.
That said, Coach and I have chosen to adopt the two teen/preteen girls and that has complicated present day life. But, it is something that we are doing together and striving for this goal has united us in a unique way. Our patience is being tested daily and we are stronger for it. In the long run, this will be a good thing and there are many benefits. Our biological kids are learning so much. We all appreciate things in a new light.
So maybe a few years from now, when we are a bit more ‘settled’ with our new family, that will be my happiest. And, heck – there might be grandkids by then, and perhaps retirement, and more travel. It is good to grow older, aside from the aches and pains.
Very thought provoking post, Jenny. I appreciate this.
this is such a great post! I think i have gotten happier each decade (!), with few periods of exception (infertility around age 29-31 was a very depressing time, and PMDD/migraine issues were problematic in my late 30s).
Interestingly I set all of my running PRs in my 40s but I attribute that to a) taking my 30s basically off of running b) a lot of injuries in my 20s and c) SUPERSHOES.
Love this post and completely agree that I feel like life gets better with age. I’m so much more sure of myself, my decisions…and I DO feel like the best is yet to come. I really struggled with early motherhood and the exhaustion that comes with that stage. I feel MUCH more settled now.
I also did things in a different order than the norm these days; I got married young, had kids quite young which means…I will have an empty nest (theoretically) IN MY 40s.
It’s all about perspective, isn’t it? And what does “best” mean? Physically, mentally, socially, financially? Certainly I’m never going to look as good as I did in my 20s, but I took that for granted then. And raising kids is such. A. Slog. A joyful slog, but still… I recognize that I have energy and social support and job satisfaction now that I’ve never had before. But is that what makes things feel “the best”? Surely these can’t be the “best” years? Because there are some really soul draining moments. There must be something better coming up. Or maybe it’s just a sense of optimism, that the natural progression of humanity is towards better things?
So much to think about!
As a late bloomer, I’ve always thought my life gets better as it goes. Wow, maybe I’m an optimist? I must think on that! Seriously, though, having had such a heavy first 47 years of my life, I see so much possibility in what comes next for me and what perspective I have because of what I’ve been through. Obviously, physically and health-wise is a different case, but I also feel like I have better times in those spheres ahead, too!
I’m definitely in the things will get better camp as well. I think my 40s has for the most part been the happiest decade of my life. I wouldn’t wanna travel back to my earlier decades, although I would like my younger less tired body back! I think I’m going to be best suited to parent, older kids, too! There are aspects I enjoy of each stage, of course, but overall I’m really loving this elementary school stage of life and I feel like it just gets better from here!
My heart also breaks for 40 something Jenni who lost both of her parents. That is so heartbreaking. And I can totally relate to the feelings of loneliness and dealing with difficult break ups in your 20s. Our paths were pretty similar as I got married at age 36, had Paul at 37 and then had taco just shy of age 40!
I wonder, when we look back on our entire lives, what we will look back and think were our best days? Just a different way of looking at it I think. If we say we think our best times are behind us, does that mean that we don’t have anything left to look forward to, or that we’re unhappy? No, I don’t think so. I think it means that we have fond memories, and know we were more fit, or maybe loved when our parents were alive, or whatever.
Having said all of that, I do really enjoy not caring what people think about me anymore. I like having energy and being able to afford a vacation once in a while. My great aunt died recently at age 100, and while she had a really good long life, I don’t think I want to live that long. Being in a nursing home bedridden, I don’t think those are the days you’re talking about.
Wow, my comment got weird, sorry. So I guess my honest answer to your honest question is, I don’t know. I think I’m going to need hindsight in order to say what the best days are. I’m mostly pretty happy right now, though. I’d like a dog and a different president.
I had a very, very happy childhood from about 4th grade – 12th grade. In 4th grade was when I found “my people” and I ended up having a super close knit friend group for all those years. I also just had a super happy home life, and when I think about my life, those carefree days just seem so blissful, looking back. I am sure I romanticize certain things about it, now! You know how it goes. Sometimes I feel bad that my mind doesn’t immediately pick a decade when I was married or had my kids as my “happiest”! It’s not that I’m not happy now! I am, very much so. But I think when I think back on my 20s, it’s when I was graduating college, starting a new job, getting married and having my boys. It was just a LOT. Babies, toddlers, a demanding inpatient nursing job that left me exhausted…. My 30s I think were a little calmer, but definitely still very in the thick of the intense parenting years. I definitely loved this time, though. The boys were a little bigger and during my 30s was when they started getting into all their sports, activities, we started traveling more as a family, etc. Sort of the golden parenting years, I’d say! Now I’m 41 and so far also really enjoying my 40s! I feel a sense of relief to have a little weight off from all the hands-on parenting- not needing to bathe people or even necessarily cook for anyone or dress people… I think this decade is more about myself, in some ways, as I have a little more space to focus on some things that I want to do. But also, still very much focused on kids/family, as we’re helping the boys navigate high school and lots of big decisions and things coming up in the next few years with college choices, careers, etc! I’m a little nervous but also excited to see what’s in store. I did love probably ages 7-12 so much with the boys! They were so sweet. I feel like now they are DEFINITELY both in the teenage stage, obviously, which is just not as cute and cuddly, lol. And I sometimes miss all the special time we used to spend together. It’s a lot harder now…they do so much of their own things and just aren’t interested in hanging out w/ mom and dad all the time! ha.
Life is definitely better the older I get.
20s – didn’t have a clue what was up, evaded the problem by working too much
30s – still working too much!
40s – got a family, had some happy work years, then everything got very bumpy and messy for a while. But I’ve found new interests to pursue and have the freedom to leave work.
50s – when I am allowed to say that I’m in my 50s? Technically it’s not for a few more months but I am so ready!
I didn’t know that you were musician turned into massage therapist! what a change of career.
i’m not sure whether my best days are ahead or behind, I just know I love my life now, and I’ve been feeling that way for a while, so I would say my best life is now ( a moving target now) 🙂 It doesn’t mean a life without challenges, but despite challenges I love it.
OH WOW. I love this post and DEVOURED the comments. Julie made me cry with the parents being alive– I sooooo soooo get this and then I think about my own kids reflecting on this question, and gah! Crying again.
I really really loved having 4 little kids all in a row all at home all together. 34-40 was pretty perfect. But also! COLLEGE was a BLAST. But again! My best friend in the world is from FIRST GRADE, and I loved my ideal little childhood. And everything now is lovely, too. Still young motherhood was pretty amazing.
I am usually someone who tends to feel nostalgic in the past, but at the same time, I always look forward to the future and I am someone who likes to think about experience that I haven’t had… so I think every decade is a good one and we should cherish both the past and the future! 😉 (Diplomatic answer, I know).
I loved these insights into your history, Jenny. I had no idea you were a professional musician and traveled so much in your twenties- how cool. Makes sense given the rest of your family are musicians too 🙂 what instruments do you play? Or was it voice? I feel like every decade has been better than the one before (but maybe we are wired to think that so life is not too depressing!?). Now I’m in my 40s Im definitely happy and confident in who I am, with a lot of autonomy in my life. But I did have SO much fun travelling in my 20s- so maybe every decade is just great in different ways. Glad to hear you’re loving your 50s so much- something to look forward too (fingers crossed)!
Oh gosh, how depressing would it be to think our best days are behind us? I need the anticipation that comes with believing I still have my best days ahead of me. My twenties were a tumultuous time and I have enjoyed my 30s so much more, and I think I will enjoy my 40s and 50s even MORE. I do think we care less about how we’re perceived the older we get and just settle into ourselves. I’m excited to keep doing that as I age!
What a great question to ponder…
I am a pessimist so I wanted to say behind but…I need to look on the bright side and say- they are ahead. I will be teaching, kids will be growing, we will be traveling, my bond with my husband will be stronger through happiness and tribulations, stock portfolio will go up (right? Right?? ;).
What I like about my 40s (I am 43) is that I don’t feel I need anyone or anything to tall me my worth. Not anymore 😉 In my 20s I needed the admiration of men to make me feel complete, in my 30s it was the society (wedding, car, house) and my work (tenure, degrees, evaluations), now it my 40s everyone can go f**k themselves. So, yeah, best days are ahead!