Today is Day #8 of NaBloPoMo and I’m also linking up with Kim and Zenaida for their Tuesday Topics!
Last year on the first day of NaBloPoMo, I published a post called “Why Do You Run?” I shared my running story- how I hated my body so much in high school, started running my senior year in a “special” PE class, and how that began my transition to a healthier self-image and acceptance of my body.
That’s why I started running, and grew to love it. But why do I run now? Well…
You always hear about people quitting their tedious 9-5 jobs in order to “pursue their passion” and give life more meaning. But what if you did it the other way around? Pursued your passion, as far as it could possibly go, and then moved on to something you’re less passionate about?
I’ve mentioned that my husband is a trumpet player, my son is a trumpet performance major in college right now, and my daughter is a flute player. But I’ve never said what I did before I became a massage therapist… I was a professional trumpet player.
Like my kids, I played in my high school band. I went to summer music camp and All-State, and then went to college as a trumpet performance major. My dream was to play in a symphony orchestra. After college I moved to Florida (long story, but I was following a boyfriend) and worked as a freelance musician for five years. I played in a brass quintet, played in a ballet orchestra, and subbed in the Philharmonic.
When that boyfriend and I broke up, I moved to New York City to continue pursuing a music career. I started playing shows and then worked for a company that produced Broadway shows like Evita and 42nd St. in Germany. We lived in different cities- Berlin, Hamburg, Munich- for several months at a time while we played the show. Since the producer was German, we were mostly in Germany but also played in Zurich, Vienna, and- once- played Milan and Paris.
It was an amazing job. We would play eight shows a week but were otherwise free to explore the area. Mondays were off so sometimes we would take day trips to nearby cities like Prague or Copenhagen. I did this for years. At first it was fun, but as time went on I got tired of living in hotels and playing the same show over and over again. It wasn’t what I envisioned for my life when I chose a music career.
I wanted an orchestra job, but the truth was, I wasn’t good enough. Most people aren’t- if you look at the number of players coming out of school and the number of positions open in a symphony orchestra, only the very, very best even have a chance of playing at the top level. I had some issues with my playing that were holding me back. I had been trying to correct them for years but reality was setting in. I had gotten as far as it was possible for me to go.
It was at this point that I met my husband- we were playing the same show (West Side Story.) He also was looking to change his life, so at the end of that tour we moved to Florida, got married and hoped to start a family. I knew trumpet playing was done for me- continuing to struggle with a freelance career wasn’t appealing- and I wanted to train for something else. But I was 35 years old and didn’t feel like I had much time to spend on it because I wanted to get pregnant as quickly as possible. So I picked something I had a mild interest in, and that you could get a license for fairly quickly- massage therapy.
I got my massage therapy license and had my kids. I work as a massage therapist to earn money, but the focus of my life for the last twenty years has been my family. I’ve never grumbled (much) at the sacrifices raising kids entails, because I had my adventures when I was younger. I got to travel and have an incredible time, and even though my career wasn’t what I originally dreamed of, it had its shining moments.
Now my kids are older and I’m realizing this phase of my life will also be over. It won’t be that long before they’re both on their own. I like being a massage therapist, but I don’t love it. It’s not my “passion.”
You know that feeling where, at the end of the day, that thought creeps into your head; “Is this all there is? Shouldn’t there be something else?” My husband now teaches band to beginners and middle schoolers, and although there’s a lot of complaining (“I never wanted to be a band director!”) he also still plays the trumpet. Last week he played with a jazz combo and came home glowing- “This is what it’s all about!”
I don’t have that anymore, but I have running. Running is my “something else,” the thing that transcends the ordinariness of everyday life. We all need something… or something else.
Is your job your passion? Or do you have something else in your life to fill that need?
43 Responses
How interesting. I loved hearing your story. Trumpet player to massage therapist.
French was my passion and I did teach it for a long time…. I stopped and got another degree… in technology which lead to my careers after teaching.
Anything French is still my passion NOT technology!! Hence running a race in Paris.
Running is my something else because right now my job is just a job and not my passion. But it’s BIG something else and at my age it is necessary and fulfilling more than a job could be.
Yes, I had a feeling running was your something else! You really make the most of it too.
I knew you studied French- it’s so interesting to me hearing what people originally studied, and what they do now.
How interesting and thank you so much for sharing this story from your past! I love my job as a personal trainer and it’s extremely satisfying when someone reaches goals they’ve set for themselves or tells me about improved bloodwork, lowered blood pressure, cholesterol, etc. after a visit with their doctor.
I can see how that would be VERY satisfying! I have moments like that as a massage therapist, but a lot of my clients are pretty passive about their health. As a personal trainer you’re probably working with highly motivated people.
Yay for the backstory!!! I’ve changed fields a few times, and my rationalization has always been “a job is not a life sentence”. It’s OK to evolve.
Do you think you would be interested in run coaching or physical training for a next career? Or working for a racing company in some capacity? Just some ideas on where jobs and running intersect.
My job is…the most interesting thing that I’ve found to do for the money that it brings in. I get to hide out in Excel some of the time and I get to talk to people about money the rest of the time. I don’t have a big passion, and sometimes I feel that lack. The goal right now is to get two kids into the adult world with paid for college degrees, and then all options are on the table. Maybe by then I’ll know what I want to be when I grow up.
Ha ha, yes- right now we’re really focused on getting my daughter to, and then through, college. After that there will be more options.
For a next career… I don’t know. I was thinking maybe learning a therapy that I could do under my massage license (like ART or something like that) and I could specialize in helping people heal injuries… because God knows I have enough experience with that. We’ll see. All these thing take time and money, of course.
This was so interesting to read! Sounds like you had quite a few adventures.
I do love my job (I am an academic researcher/lab manager in a research lab) but I would not call it my passion necessarily. I find it very fulfilling and interesting but I also love the freedom it gives me to take care of our family. There are lots of things I enjoy doing (gardening, knitting, sewing, painting, reading) but I never had this moment where I thought “this is it” and I that’s okay, too.
If you love your job, are able to spend the time you want with your family, and also have other hobbies that you love… I don’t think it gets much better than that.
This is SO interesting. I loved hearing more about your backstory. Fascinating! And I understand why you’re interested in my daughter playing trumpet in middle-school band.
My paid work is definitely not my passion. For about a decade this really made me sad, but over the last year or so, I’m coming to realize it’s okay. I have lots of things I love doing (adventuring with my family, writing) and I’m content to have a job that is flexible and allows me to be a work-from-home parent. Because my husband travels a lot, I’ve become the default parent for childcare. Again, that used to make me feel sad, especially when I saw so many women with “huge” careers…but really, it’s a privilege, this is what I chose, and I’m grateful for what I have. And as the kids get older and more independent, I’ve tried to fill some of the excess time with things I really love and are fun. I have an opportunity to take on a new work responsibility…but I don’t think I want to. I’d rather make less money and have a lot more flexibility in my schedule.
Loved this post. It’s so fun to pull back the curtain further and I love that you maximized all that adventuring when you were young and travelling the world.
I think it would be really, really hard to have paid work that’s your passion, AND raise your kids the way you want. I think being a mom is a passion- in that it’s something that we throw everything into because we care so much- but then, it ends. I guess we just have to evolve as time goes on.
Thanks for filling us in on your “previous life.” Lots of great memories, and sounds like a lot of fun and adventure were had! My passion has always been artsy stuff…drawing/painting and writing. I majored in Communications in college, and that has enabled me to do my “passions” on the side as well as some of my writing. The blog, though, has really turned into a fun gig! I get to write about my other passion (in recent years), running and fitness 😉 I still do a lot of artwork on my own (always have), and spent nine years on the Prom Committee at our high school, designing the stage sets and decorations for the Promenade of Couples.
I didn’t know this about you- isn’t your job more math/numbers related? For some reason that’s what I thought. It’s funny the hidden talents and passions people have!
I guess I don’ talk about my “pays the bills” job much, LOL. The owners (an architectural signage company) approached me 16 years ago, and offered me a position helping at the reception desk. That morphed into administration for the Estimating department, and now things have come full circle with me pretty much being the office manager (with continued support for the Estimating and pre-Production). Needless to say, I utilize my communication background all day long in dealing with call-ins and trouble-shooting with the sales reps.
I loved learning more about your life, Jenny! So fascinating. I played the flute. So backstory — my sister played the violin, and was good, but not really interested in music. My brother, LOL, did play the trumpet for a short period. Also not his calling. So when I came along, as often happened as the baby, and also wanted to play the violin — my parents said no, play flute. It’s easier. Of course — I was the musical one. Well, not at first. I was awful in grade school. In Junior High we had better conductors and a really good flute teacher.
I think by know you know that I’m a really determined person. I got better. Much, much better. I also went to music camp and Allstate and played in the Allstate band a few times. I am also very well aware of my strengths and weaknesses. I knew I wasn’t good enough. Even though my teacher (I took private lessons through HS) thought I was good enough to be professional — it wasn’t my path and I knew that. I continued to play through college, but I haven’t touched my flute in decades.
Ok this is super long winded but your post really spoke to me! I don’t have kids, as you know — actually didn’t want them — so I’ve been free to pursue other passions. I have had quite a few. Obviously right now I’m pursuing my passion for Yoga. I actually do want to — eventually — create a course to help people get unstuck, to find that passion as they go into middle age. Because I’ve observed that people either pour themselves into their kids or their careers and somewhere along the way they just get lost. So that’s a long term goal for me!
You are NEVER to late to learn something new or start something new, and you never know what is waiting for you around the bend.
Thanks so much for sharing your story — and sorry for taking over your blog, LOL!
I’m glad you took over, Judy- this is really interesting. So you were a flute player like my daughter! And now you’re actually interested in the exact subject I was talking about- seeking “passion” later in life. You’re right- it’s never too late.
This is so interesting, Jenny! I had no idea you were a professional musician! And a trumpet player, too – that is so incredible!!! By the way, Evita is one of my favourite musicals. I love that you had such a life before kids, with travelling and pursuing a music career. Very very cool!!!
I play the piano. When I was a teen I thought I might pursue a career of it, but you know what, I just wasn’t talented enough. I love playing though, and I still play every day, but it is just for pleasure.
When my youngest was in grade six I decided to get my yoga teacher certification, and it was a great decision for me. It’s been fun and very rewarding, at least mentally, if not financially! But I have my master’s in economics and I worked on a natural gas trading floor back in the day. I loved it and it WAS well-paying, but the hours were not conducive to parenting. Life is a journey, and it takes many paths!
Yes, I’ve noticed that you play piano. Trying to pursue it professionally might have given you so much stress, you wouldn’t enjoy it anymore. It’s Interesting to me to hear how people started out and what they’re doing now- I wasn’t the only one with a career change!
What a wonderful story. I didn’t know any of it. I didn’t know that you have spend so much time in Germany and also in Berlin. I think it is brave to admit that your job is not your passion. Nowadays it seems like if it is not you are doing it wrong. But it seems like it was a conscious decision and it is all fine. And that probably gives peace of mind. So good you found running as a substitute.
Yes, I agree. Sometimes a job is just a job, and that’s fine. Plenty of time to pursue passions on the side.
You mentioned before that you lived in Germany for a while, but WOW DID YOU LIVE IN GERMANY FOR A WHILE. I had no idea you were a professional trumpet player. That is pretty amazing…even up to the level where you were able to make an income from it for a few years. How wonderful.
I honestly think that most people can’t make their passion a full time career and that is totally ok. There is this “pressure” nowadays that your should turn your passion/hobby into your career but that is not always possible or even desirable because once it becomes a job, it can also turn into a chore … and you never want your passion to become chore!
Yes! Your “passion” definitely changes when you’re trying to make a living with it. There’s something to be said for keeping the two things separate.
And yes… at that time I knew Germany pretty well. I’m sure it’s changed a lot in the past 20 years though.
What an interesting life you’ve led! It’s so great that you (and your husband) have such great stories to tell your children and model what life will be like for a professional musician. The world needs art!
I am in a bit of a professional pickle right now and really only feel passionate that I NEED a job. LOL. My real passion is reading, but I have no idea how to make a career from that without ruining that passion. So I’ll continue on. (My actual real passion is my dog, but there’s really no way to make money off that giant money suck!!)
I’m glad you said that- a lot of people can’t believe I “let” my son go to college for music. But what would the world be like without art and music? Someone has to do it!
You remind me of my sister- she has all these unusual talents and interests but can’t figure out a way to make it into a career. In the meantime, we all need money (sigh.)
This is all so interesting! Thank you so much for sharing this with your readers. I have zero musical talent so I am so impressed that you were a professional trumpet player – that’s so awesome!
Thank you Kim- but don’t be TOO impressed. I have plenty of musical talent but can’t paint or draw. Kind of like I love words but am terrible at math. We all have our things!
I love that you were a professional musician!!! I was a wannabe musician–I played the oboe and bassoon in high school as well as the piano, accompanying the choruses. I wanted to be a music major in college but my mom said they wouldn’t pay it if I did that. So…here I am, a nurse. I would say that nursing is not my passion but I do love my job as a nurse practitioner. I don’t love working for a big medical corporation. My passion now is fitness but I do not want to make that my job. It’s my therapy.
What a great post and thank you for sharing!
Thank you Wendy! I didn’t know you were a musician!!! That’s funny your parents said they wouldn’t pay for college if you went for music- because oboe and bassoon are definitely scholarship instruments. My sister went to college for free because she played bassoon. Of course, then she graduated with a music degree that didn’t help her at all- so there’s that. I do know what you mean about not making your passion your job- it can be hard to combine the two.
This is so interesting to learn more about your backstory. I had my dream job/career before I had my kids. I am happy that I had that experience but not longing to go back either. Raising my kids was also my passion and they still are. Running and “running my run group” have become my passions now as well. Thanks for giving something to think about!
Yes, I’ve been thinking about that- raising kids definitely counts as a passion.
Thanks for this story, Jenny! Very cool.
I didn’t know that you spent such a long time in Europe – and even Zurich!! That must have been in the late 90s… so we lived in the same city at the same time. And here we are, 25 years later.
Running and travelling are my two passions. Luckily, my life is very simple (no kids, self-employed with remote work) so I manage to “live the dream”. Except when I’m not running due to the Achilles, argh!
I think Zurich was my favorite city! I loved the combination of the old part of the city plus the modern feel. And the lake… and the mountains! I had some incredible runs in Zurich. Of course once again this was 25 years ago, but I bet it hasn’t changed THAT much.
Great story and thank you for sharing it! I had no idea you were a professional trumpet player. And wow you lived in some cool places! I like teaching but I do not know if that is my passion. The teaching aspect is great but it is just the other extra stuff that needs to be done.
That’s exactly what my husband says- he likes the actual TEACHING but everything else that goes along with it makes him crazy.
Hi! I tend to be a blog lurker, but I wanted to say how much I liked reading about your trumpet playing years. I work as a freelance opera stage manager, and so much of what you say about the gigging life really had me nodding my head. I love what I do, but at the same time, I don’t get to do it 365 days of the year, the industry being what it is. Especially these days – post-COVID, I think I’m looking at 20-35 weeks of work this year. I think of this lack of work as a blessing and a curse – not having to be in rehearsal/performance all the time helps me not get burnt out – having a month or two off between shows lets me re-charge and spend time with my family. It lets me be home for bedtime and have weekend adventures with the kids. It lets me do the laundry once in a while so that my Husband gets a break. But there is also a financial impact of not having a full calendar, and as the kids get older, I think we feel that more. I’ve been thinking lately of maybe also getting out of the business – the job stability and working conditions aren’t getting better. It will be hard, though.
I’m wondering – when you made the decision to switch careers – was it a slow decision or a fast decision? Was there one moment when you realized that you weren’t going to be a freelance musician anymore or did it happen gradually?
Hi Diane! It happened very gradually. It took several years for me to be able to accept the situation. Although it probably looked sudden from the outside, because one day I was playing shows and then a couple months later I was in massage school.
Covid really hurt the music business, I know. Now I’m curious- how did you end up being an opera stage manager? Were you a singer? That sounds like an interesting career!
I was a singer in high school, but in college I realized that a) I wasn’t actually that good, and b) I didn’t like being onstage. I thought I’d go more into arts admin, but I had a professor who needed a stage manager for the student production he was doing and I didn’t really know what I was getting into, but I said yes. I ended up liking the work a lot and then decided that being behind the scenes was what I really wanted to do.
I think about changing careers, but it seems so daunting! It must have been such a tough decision for you!
Wow this was incredibly fascinating! Since I’m new to your blog I don’t know much about your backstory so I loved learning all of this! My husband and I both played trumpet and piano but he was not super into music like I was. He was very athletic, though, whereas I have no athletic ability!! So I was very into band, choir, speech, drama. I was pretty good at trumpet for my area but I didn’t really have a great mentor/teacher. But I got as far as I could on my own and enjoyed doing state and other honor bands, etc.
Someone asked stephany what her dream job was and I struggled to answer that. I really do love what I do most days. I am feeling really challenged right now because of my sh*tty health, though. So life feels like a bit of a slog. But most days I am really happy in my role and I love the people I work with. I have a degree in math so working in finance really suits me. It is a tough industry as there can be really tough personalities and it is a juggling act to care for our kids while having a pretty challenging job. But I think I will be able to retire earlier than the avg person and take a bit of a step back when they are in middle/high school. I don’t feel like I want/need more time with them right now – as awful as that sounds. I do really love my kids but the toddler years are hella hard for me. But I think/hope I will get to take a step back when I am in my 50s maybe? We will see!
But I would not say my job is my passion. I love it but my passion is my family and reading!
Also, next time you are in a bookstore, check out the childrens picture book ‘Jazz Baby’ by Lisa Wheeler. It was gifted to us by a dear friend and it is so wonderful. I think as someone who loves music it will make you smile. It is one of Paul’s favorites, too.
I love hearing how many people played instruments in high school! And it’s funny you and your husband both played trumpet.
I think your perspective on work is interesting. Your honesty about not wanting to spend more time with the kids as toddlers, and the thought that you can retire on the early side and enjoy them when they’re older. Because I was “living my dream” when I was in my 20s and early 30s, now in my 50s I’m working hard and looking forward to possible working even harder for a while when my daughter goes to college. So… who’s to say what the right path is. And… I’m sorry you have so many health challenges right now. it’s not fun if life feels like a slog.
Well I do feel like a bit of a monster to say I wouldn’t want more time with my kids right now. But it’s been good/helpful to hear that sentiment from others. I love Paul’s age, but Will’s stage is such a challenge for me! By the end of the weekend, my husband and I are both happy to go back to work on Monday because we are just so exhausted! But I can see that I am really going to love the elementary and older stage. Paul is a delight most of the time so I’d happily spend days on end with him and I think it will only get better/more fun.
Jenny, what a fascinating life you have lived! I didn’t know any of this about you and it was so fun to learn about this whole crazy life you had before you got married. I also didn’t know you got married “late” (at least by societal standards, ha) and that gives me hope for myself and my future. It’s really so interested how you have these long phases of your life: being a professional trumpet player and touring around the world, being a mom/massage therapist and living in Florida… and how exciting that you get to choose what the next phase of your life will look like. (But also a little overwhelming, I’m sure.)
Thanks for sharing all of this!
Oh yes, there’s hope for you! You’ve got plenty of time- and you should enjoy this phase of your life. I’m envious that you can do what you want without having to accommodate anyone else’s schedule. I feel like I have a houseful of people (and animals) who are always tugging at me. Again, it’s just this phase of life.
Wow, wow, wow, Jenny. What a remarkable story – thank you for sharing this and showing true vulnerability and strength in doing so. I’m glad you pursued your dream – yes, it didn’t quite work out how you had envisaged – but you went for it and had several great moments and adventures. And in the process, met your husband and built this beautiful family. I enjoy many aspects of my job — still feels like something is missing though and need to figure it out. But in the meantime, running, blogging and family seem to fill that gap.
I think that’s a very, very common place to be- having hobbies to fill in the gaps. I doubt most people have a job that fulfills all their needs.