walkers walk… but runners fly

Real Talk Runfessions

Am I speaking for everyone when I say January just flew by?  HOW is it the last Friday of the month???  But here we are, and of course I’m joining Marcia in the Runfessional.

Last week, Renee published her post “All Aboard the Struggle Bus.”  Her honestly really touched me.  She said  “I really wonder how some people are able to run, work out, go to their job, take care of family/home, blog and have a lot of engagement on social media… I often wonder what is wrong with me? why can’t I just manage it?”

Well, Renee, let me tell you what’s really going on over here. I know it’s tempting to always put our best foot forward.  Even in a post where I’m being “honest” about my struggles, I’ll still choose the most flattering photo to include, and leave out certain details.  So here’s real talk about how I “manage it.”

I’ve been doing a pretty good job of finding time to run, work out, take care of my daughter, and go to work.  Wait!  What was that other thing Renee mentioned?  Oh… the house.  Well, I can runfess that  my house has gone to wrack and ruin.  I bragged about getting my Christmas tree down on December 31st, but NEVER FINISHED PUTTING EVERYTHING AWAY.   Because I haven’t finished packing them up properly, the Christmas bins are all sitting in front of my closet, so I can’t even get to my clothes and have taken to draping my clean clothes on top on my dresser, where I can at least reach them.

Wait! Why is this still on the wall???

I cleaned up the biggest messes from my daughter’s birthday party but never finished because we had our trip to Tampa.  There’s still remnants from that event out on the patio- a trampled “Happy Birthday” sign, an extra table with a vinyl tablecloth, and even some empty water bottles.

Every time I think I’ll have a big chunk of time to clean everything up, I get bogged down with all the new messes.  I feel like I’ve been doing laundry continually since our trip, and of course I never get a break from the meal prep and cleanup.  So… I’m definitely not managing that part of my life very well.  Some people would refuse to live like this, but I’ve been prioritizing going to the gym and long trail runs over cleaning the house.

Let’s move on!  Renee also talks about starting over.  “How do we remove the memories from our brain? How do we just forget about the times when running wasn’t a struggle? When 5K was the minimum you would run 3 – 6 times a week and then 10K became the new 5K? How do you go from running “fast enough” to belong in a running club to what some people do as a fast walk? It’s hard. I’m sad. ”

It IS hard.  Over the summer I ran a 5K at the same pace I ran a half marathon three years ago.  And when I was 30 I ran a full marathon at that pace.  I know… that was a long time ago.  But still- my old marathon pace is now my 5K pace?  That’s a big slowdown.

Next month I’m running a half marathon, the same one I ran three years ago.  I’ll be running much slower this time, and I’m trying to accept that.  Or maybe I shouldn’t just accept it- maybe I should be doing speedwork.  But every time I do speedwork I get injured and end up even slower than before.  I’m trying to figure out if there’s a solution, or if I just need to embrace being a slower runner.  Even writing that sentence doesn’t feel good though.

Let’s talk about walking.  I’m still doing Galloway’s Run-Walk-Run method of 4 minute running/30 second walking intervals.  I thought I would just do it in the summer when it was so hot, but I’ve continued it because it seems like it’s helping me avoid injuries.  And, I’m planning to do a trail 50K in April where walking will be a necessity.  So it’s all good!  Except…

The other day I was out for a 4 mile run.  My watch beeped for my 30 second walk interval, so I obediently slowed to a walk.  Just then a man (walking) passed me going the other direction and he smiled sympathetically and said “It’s hard to run the whole time, isn’t it?”

What???  NO!  I COULD run the whole time, I just choose not to!  I mean… I’m training for an ultra!  I used to never walk!  I’ve run marathons without walking!  I…

Of course I said none of this, because that guy doesn’t really care.  It doesn’t matter.  But I’ll runfess… his comment hurt.

So that’s what’s going on, for real, around here.

Anyone else have struggles to share?  Are you happy with where your fitness is at?  Is your house clean???

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49 Responses

  1. love this post! nobody has it all figured out!!! we need to get real for real!!! that man, tell him you are a real runner that is confident enough to slowdown!!!

    1. I’m starting to feel sorry for this guy- if only he knew how indignant he made us! I’m sure he thought he was being nice, ha ha.

  2. My strategy … start running in my mid-forties, then I don’t have any young person’s times to compare with. LOL. Although I suppose I will hit this problem as I go into my late 50s and older. I am currently in the post-run rebuilding phase so I can’t say I’m happy with my current pace/distance but I’m trying to be sensible.

    I think it’s smart to do what you need to do to stay healthy and be able to keep running long-term, rather than trying to live up to your prior self.

    1. Well, at least I wasn’t a high school track star or anything like that- those people must REALLY have trouble getting older and slower. And you’re right- running long-term is the important thing.

  3. Even when I feel like I’ve got all the pieces of my life going well I realize they probably look better from the outside – I’ve been feeling quite good about fitting in exercise recently but that’s because I’ve been doing one yoga class a week and a walk every day. Old me would scoff that walking isn’t exercise and once a week isn’t a habit. I think we tend to assume that just because someone does “something” on the internet means they all do that thing – or we amalgamate everyone we read into some super-human who does it all.

    That guys comment would annoy me to. Tell him to go for a run….?

    1. Ha ha… in retrospect there are all sorts of things I could have said to that guy! He thought he was being nice though.
      Yes, I know for sure my life probably looks better from the outside. When I read Renee’s post I felt like I had to share.

  4. I would have told that guy to MYOB–nicely of course, because we don’t want to offend HIM, lol. I feel all of what you wrote–in fact, I have written many of these same sentiments over the past couple of years. Then the pandemic came and I discovered trail running, which was a whole new world for me. Walking? Acceptable. Slower pace? Of course. I started to slowly rebuild my confidence as a runner and just this year, have finally decided to leave long distance road running behind. Obviously, nothing is set in stone, but I have turned my focus to the dirt. I’m not saying that trail running is the solution–but you will find peace with your running, no matter what you decide to do. If you need to talk, let me know!

    1. Yes, I think trail running will be my solution as well. Your blog is a huge source of inspiration to me, with your trail running and strength training. AND you have a chronic illness but that doesn’t slow you down. Thanks for being a great role model!

  5. Well you already know I embraced run/walk long ago. It grates at the end of races when spectators are trying to cheer you on to running. I know they mean well, but hey, this is my choice.

    The house? I’m sure I could go dust bunny to dust bunny (even though you didn’t mention any dust bunnies). Because I don’t remember the last time I vacuumed. All I know is that for whatever reason in Winter, I need #alltherest — and that means a dirty house (let alone somewhat cluttered). Yes, it bothers me, but I know that’s what I need to do. Caretaking, even from a distance, is no joke!

    I personally try to keep it pretty real on my blog, but there’s still a lot a don’t share. Although I do have some thoughts on rewiring your brain, maybe if I ever have some time & energy I’ll write a blog about it.

    1. Ooh! I would love a post like that. And yes… we have dust bunnies, plenty of them. I don’t even see the dust anymore.

  6. Um…have you read my post from today?

    I feel you Jenny. So much! This week I feel like I’m failing at everything (it looks like I blogged every day, but I had those all waiting in the wings…mostly I was just living in survival mode). I was not able to prioritize exercise and my body feels crummy. And it really, really helps to hear stories about other people struggling to juggle it all and admitting – some balls we end up having to drop. We CANNOT do it all.

    But onward and upward! Today is a new day, the sun is supposed to start shining and my husband gets home from an overseas trip and SHOULD be able to take over tending to our sick child so I can actually get outside and move my body.

    You’ll get there with the Christmas decorations. And kudos for sticking with your walk-run intervals. After you mentioned these last fall, I did it for a while with my own runs and found them shockingly effective (faster overall kilometer splits even though I was walking for a portion). But lately I haven’t been running at all…so…Sigh! But I need to stop sighing about this. I am just not a winter runner. Time to stop sighing and accept that I hate the treadmill and that’s okay. I can run spring through fall and take winters off. I am not a lesser person for stopping cold turkey for several months, right?!

    1. Oh yes I did read your post! That is HARD. I’m very glad your husband is back- just having someone to commiserate with should help. And yes- it’s good to know yourself. If you’re not a winter runner, then you’re not! Why beat yourself up about it. There’s enough other things going on in your life to focus on right now.

  7. No one has it all figured out all the time. I feel like I put my energies towards one focus and then something else goes off the rails. I just put some decor away that I used for Thanksgiving. So there’s that. At this point, I will do whatever it takes to keep running and doing the things I love. Yes, it’s annoying when random people make comments like that. I just chalk it up to they have no idea what they are talking about and they don’t run.

    1. Oh, that makes me feel better! For some reason I picture you with a spotless house (I don’t know why?) Yes, comments from non-runners should never be taken seriously.

  8. Thanks for this very honest post, Jenny! I think that it is so important to note that we all have struggles, and things look different for all of us. What we present on the outside doesn’t show the whole picture. I know this is why some people have a problem with social media, because they can forget that it’s another person’s highlight reel, not their whole life.

    In terms of accepting where you are: it’s hard to let go of ego. It just is. But I think that it’s important to try to do so, because – as you say – it can help with injuries, etc. And I totally understand, because I would have been offended by that guy’s comment too! I really would have! But also…who cares? It’s just some random guy, he doesn’t know you, and you do not have to prove anything to anyone, least of all a complete stranger. But all the same…I totally understand. Sometimes the brain and the heart are not aligned, am I right?

    Getting back to my point, I think it is important to say that you are in a different stage now in your life, and so your running is going to look different, your pace is going to look different, and the important thing is that you are still able to do it. I tell this to my students all the time – we keep moving because if you stop, it’s harder to get back on it. And Jenny, I am worried that you are going to injure yourself again, and it just gets harder to recover and get back to things the older we get. That’s just a fact.

    In the yoga world, there are lots of very crazy poses out there. I used to be able to drop into a backbend from standing and then stand up again and then GRAB MY OWN ANKLES IN A BACKBEND. At some point in my 40s I realized that this wasn’t an optimal thing for me to do anymore. There are just some things that we have to let go of and believe me, it’s not easy!

    I hope you don’t think I’m lecturing you, because I really understand where you’re coming from. I just think it’s important to accept a changing life, changing joints, etc., as part of the aging process. It’s really a miracle that we can all move and sweat and do all the things we love and I want you to continue that – WITH NO INJURIES!!

    1. Nicole, I wish you were my yoga teacher! Your students are lucky to have such a wise and compassionate person in their lives. You’re right- the important thing is to keep moving and stay healthy, whatever I have to do to achieve that. Thank you for this comment!

  9. Preach! There’s a lot that goes undone on everyone’s lists. A few months from now would you rather look back and say “I ran a half marathon and a 50k” or would you prefer “dang, my house has been spotless every single day for the past six months”.

    I am sure that the man was talking about himself – he finds it hard to run so it made him feel good to see someone else walk but also dude just ‘cuz you think it doesn’t mean that you have to say it.

    1. Ha, yes. Keep those thoughts to yourself, random walking man!
      And, you’re right. I remember when the kids were little- if for some reason the day ended with a clean house, that was a REALLY boring day, where we stayed home and did nothing. Better to have a big mess and big memories.

  10. Ah, a peek behind the social media filters.

    My secret is that I really don’t do much besides working out and going to work. We don’t have much of a social life except our weekly date night, which is just dinner out. It takes a lot of internal drive to get me to do anything else. Also, I have a high tolerance for dust — but one downside of working at home is I’m there to see the sunlight streaming in and revealing how dusty things really are.

    1. Oh, dust. I have a VERY high tolerance for dust! It sounds like you’ve really streamlined your life, and it works for you. At least you have a weekly date night- so it’s not all work/workouts.

  11. I think making peace with getting slower is one of the greatest challenges for an aging runner, and all of us are aging unless we are dead. I had a guy make a similar comment years ago. I actually had an injury flare up and chose to walk home. Those comments are tough on the ego though. Yeah I think we all have our own special kind of shit show, whether we choose to share it or not. That’s what makes us relatable.

    1. Yes, it’s all ego. And you’re right- we’re all aging (great point.) And everyone slows down. Making peace with it is the challenge.

  12. My cleaning lady quit and I’ve been lazy about finding a new one. That being said, it looks clean but really isn’t. I just stuff things in drawers.

    Pace? My friends and I run 2:1 intervals at a 12 min pace. My FLL half was very slow due to the heat. I may be faster but I don’t care. It’s for fun… I’m focusing more on my March, Apr and May races. So I hope you wait for me at the finish line.

    1. Ha ha… I’m envisioning a funny scenario for our upcoming half where we each are convinced the other is running faster, and we end up at the finish at the same time. Well, it should be interesting!

  13. Team Strugglebus here! I’m in one of those annoying injury patterns where every time I string together a week or 2 of consistency, SOMETHING happens and I start back at square 1. I keep reminding myself that forward is a pace and it won’t always be like this, but oof – it’s hard to keep your head in the game when you’re always a few steps behind where you were. (Note, I am not mentioning the state of my house in this as it’s a disaster while we ramp back up into all of my daughter’s afterschool activities haha!)

  14. I used to have a roommate who always talked about her life as a circle made up of parts. To keep it simple for this example, let’s say it’s made up of home, work, family, and health. In her world, they all add up to 100% of the circle, so if you’re prioritizing one wedge of the circle, the others suffer. So if your home is clean and you’re getting laundry folded and put away and the litter box isn’t gross, that means there’s less time to spend with your family. It’s all a balancing act. Once I started thinking about this and thinking about what I prioritize, it was a lot easier for me to give myself grace when things weren’t going well in one area. Those Christmas and birthday party decorations will eventually be put away (or not!), but you’ll always have the memories of going to Tampa and the amazing runs you’ve been doing recently!

    1. Aw… this was a really nice comment. You’re right- those things WILL eventually get done (although why did I suddenly have a “flash forward” to next Christmas where I say “well at least all the bins are already out!”)

  15. It sounds like I need to read Renee’s post and follow her! My answer is that I barely run compared to pre-kid Lisa and have just had to accept that, although I’m still on my “acceptance journey.” You’ve tried to encourage me to be more gentle with the expectations I put on myself and I would tell you to do the same! If running slower means less injuries, I would try not to expect yourself to run at Young(er) Jenny’s pace! I have just basically removed my previous PRs from my memory. I think of them as being different achieved by a different person who had different demands on her life.

    I do sometimes wonder if I am not working hard enough because I know of people who will get up at 4:45 and run/workout/etc. But I know myself well enough to know that I would be so very exhausted and I would run myself into the ground totally and completely. Sleep is just way too important to me at this point!

    I think we need Nicole to do a seminar in accepting where we are! Her comment was so lovely and thoughtful!

    1. Yes, Nicole’s comment was amazing. She reminded me that what’s really important is that I’m still able to do the things I love- no one else cares if i’m slower. i wish I could have a daily does of inspiration and yoga from Nicole.

  16. I hear ya & I’d high-5 you for writing what most of us experience at one time or another (or daily, LOL). I don’t have cleaning people coming in, so that’s a luxury I get to do on my own. My house seems to have a constant layer of dust & there’s always laundry to do (AND put away). Oh, there’s the blog to maintain and daily workouts AND a job to get to. And a dog (how could I forget Max???). I wish I had a Harry Potter wand and a special “fix it” spell. Thankfully, there’s comfort in knowing we all are going through the same stuff. Hugs xoxo

    1. Thank you Kim! Yes, a spell is what I need right now. Just one wave of the wand to get all the holiday detritus cleaned up, and I would be good.

  17. Hugs. January was a whole mess for me.

    My Christmas tree is still out (in its bag). We had carpet installed last week and all our stuff is still all over the place. I’m drowning and what can you do?

  18. It is all about priorities when we are really honest.
    Good you are ok for taking running serious right now. Something gotta fall to the wayside.
    I sometimes wish I could shift my priorities a bit more towards my health – well physical health. Instead I care about my mental health and read books.

  19. Great honest post Jenny. Most of us aren’t balancing it all. Only the celebs who get to hire it all out 🙂

    I cannot keep our dusty flat clean….I probably should hire a cleaning person….they are pretty affordable in London.

    But priorities are alway shifting aren’t they? I need to go check out Renee’s post, I didn’t realize she was back to blogging as I hadn’t seen her on the weekly linkup. Thanks for pointing me that direction!

    1. Yes, no one is truly “doing it all.” I really should hire a cleaning person as well! It would help tremendously. I keep thinking I “should’ be able to do it though.

  20. Jenny, I so feel you – I just got the last of my Christmas decorations packed away this week. Between the job, kids, trying to find time for a run or workout, and all of the recent health issues with my mom there are many days where I’m barely holding it together. And those slower paces…yeah definitely hard to accept. I don’t believe anyone has it all together – you’re definitely not alone on this!

  21. I’m not a runner, but the runners I know all have the same issues you discuss. As you get older, push too hard, get injured. Which is frustrating because there is so much joy and feeling of accomplishment after a good run, so it’s hard to give that up, even if you’re still out there and only giving it up a little bit.

    Regarding the rest of it, thank you for telling your truth. None of us can do it all. Either someone else has to pick up the slack, or something isn’t going to get done, at least not to the level one might hope. So we have to pick and choose. Which is more important to physical and mental health? Putting the laundry away and blogging? Running and push ups? Reading a book? Watching a movie? Time with family or friends? What is best can change from day to day. It sounds to me like you are crushing it, and doing what is best right now. Keep it up!

    1. Thank you! When you put it like that, you can see there’s no clear answer. Because all those things you mentioned are important, and obviously no one can do them all, at the same time.

  22. Oh man, Jenny, I can relate to all of this, ALL OF IT. It’s that constant struggle to accept certain things and to push harder.
    While the comment from the man that passed you on your run was probably meant to be nice/encouraging, it would have vexed me too LOL I try to remind myself that I don’t have to compare myself to others and that I am only ever competing with myself. (Easier said than done.)

    1. It’s funny how I do know that… and yet I still somehow can’t help but compare myself with others, and also my younger self. I think part of it is I’m too optimistic- I keep thinking I still have PRs in me and I don’t want to give up on that belief.

  23. What beautiful and honest words you write! I don’t think of myself as a serious runner so I’m always so impressed when I read about how much you devote to running. This is what stood out for me, though:
    “I thought I would just do it in the summer when it was so hot, but I’ve continued it because it seems like it’s helping me avoid injuries. ”
    I really admire that self awareness to prioritize staying injury free. For sure that random man doesn’t know you and your story, and his comment doesn’t deserve to live rent free in your head!

    1. Thank you Diane! I know- I really do devote a lot of my life to running, considering that I’m nowhere close to being an elite athlete. It’s taken me a long time, but I’ve had so many injuries (ever since my daughter was born) that I’ve finally learned to prioritize staying injury-free.

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