Eighteen years ago, I knew a woman who didn’t vaccinate her kids. She was uncomfortable with the number of shots given to very young children whose immune systems weren’t fully developed. There was a theory at that point that although communicable disease infections had dropped as a result of vaccines, cancers and autoimmune disorders were rising alarmingly, and that vaccines could be damaging children’s immune systems in ways they didn’t yet know.
This woman had her babies delivered by a midwife who supported her choice not to vaccinate, and her pediatrician advised her to get a religious exemption so that her kids could attend school. She belonged to a co-op preschool alternative with other like-minded moms. She felt confident that she was doing the right thing.
The reason I know so much about her is because the woman was… me.
Looking back, my friends and I were so arrogant. When my parents tried to convince me to at least get some of the vaccines, I rolled my eyes- they clearly didn’t know what they were talking about.
Life went along smoothly for many years. There were no outbreaks of mumps or polio to threaten anyone’s health. Then came 2020 and Covid.
When people started talking about the Covid vaccine I got nervous. I knew that the vaccine issue was going to be opened up in a way that could become uncomfortable for me and my family. My first reaction was resistance- I didn’t believe in vaccines. Since I had been opposed to vaccines all along, the fact that this one was a “new” type or the idea that it was “rushed” didn’t actually bother me. It’s just that it was a vaccine, and we didn’t do that. Luckily I didn’t fall into a group that was eligible for the vaccine right away, so I had plenty of time to mull it over.
Compared to a lot of people, my own life wasn’t disrupted by Covid too much. I still went to work as usual, and no one I knew became seriously ill or died. But I was so, so sad about how my kids lives were affected. My daughter left her elementary school at spring break of fifth grade and never went back- then had to start middle school in the middle of a pandemic. Even worse, my son had his senior year of high school ruined. Not only did he miss all the normal things a senior would do, but he was supposed to travel for a trumpet competition, a summer music festival, and all-state orchestra. Everything was canceled and he spent the year doing school in his room at home.
By the time I was eligible for the vaccine, my attitude had become “Just give me the stupid shot so we can get back to normal.”
When they approved Pfizer for eighteen and older, my son wanted it immediately, and although I was a little worried about it, I let him get it. But when they approved it for twelve and up, my old fears really returned.
My son insisted that my twelve-year-old daughter get it right away. When he asked why I was hesitating, I told him I just wasn’t sure what the vaccine might do to her. His response: “You don’t know what Covid might do to her.” I brought up the fear about damage to her reproductive system and he said “These are scientists. They’re not going to make a mistake that would wipe out the human race. She’ll be fine.” When did my son get smarter than me, anyway?
It was when I brought my daughter for her first shot that my perspective truly shifted. I thought about the scientists who worked so hard to develop the vaccine to get us out of this pandemic. I thought about the lives that would be saved. I thought about how relieved people must have been when the polio vaccine came out. No wonder my parents were so upset that my kids weren’t vaccinated! They lived through a time where they actually had to fear a serious disease… and now I had, too.
Life is wonderful when you have the opportunity to change your mind.
Before my son went to college, he got caught up on his vaccines. He could have submitted his religious exemption, but he felt that would be dishonest. He was critical of my decision not to vaccinate them, saying that only “right wing conspiracy theory nuts” don’t vaccinate their kids (no, no! I was a left wing conspiracy theory nut!)
I still stand by some of my beliefs. I still say I had the right to question what went into my kids’ bodies. If I had to do it all over again, I would probably give my kids their shots on a delayed schedule.
So what do I think about the people who won’t get the Covid vaccine? Well…
It’s complicated. I’ve been there, so I can empathize. If someone has been an anti-vaxxer all along for their own personal reasons, and is willing to accept responsibility for their own health, then they shouldn’t be forced to get the vaccine. Those people are few enough that it won’t affect the rest of us. The goal isn’t to eradicate Covid, but just to make it manageable and less dangerous.
If someone isn’t getting the Covid vaccine for political reasons, like they think there’s a conspiracy involving Hillary Clinton, the pharmaceutical companies, Barack OBama, and the lab in China (believe it or not, I’ve heard all about this one) then they need to shut the f*ck up and get the shot. Stop being ridiculous.
But what do I know? I’ve been wrong before and I’m no longer arrogant (well, about this at least, ha ha.) We don’t need to be 100% vaccinated in order to get past this pandemic. I do think people who don’t get vaccinated are taking a risk, but hey… you do you. I’ll do me, and I got the shot.
I know this is a sensitive topic. I just wanted to present a different side of things. What do you think? I don’t expect everyone (or possibly, anyone) to agree with me… is this a black and white issue for you?
23 Responses
I am not big on vaccines, either, and don’t get many. However, I do know (second hand, thankfully) people who died from it and others that are still recovering after months. Add to that my elderly mom & a husband with a few things that put him at higher risk — that & the fact that’s there’s still really no treatment for COVID — that made the decision easier for me. I think I would’ve struggled if I had young kids, too.
OTOH, my BIL will not get vaccinated. My sister works in retail, although she’s no longer on the floor so not as exposed. Their adult children travel & then come to visit (everyone BUT my BIL is vaccinated). My BIL was a chiropractor, like his Dad before him. No Western meds at all. And his Dad died from pancreatic cancer & his mother from a massive stroke (because she wouldn’t take heart meds).
I personally believe there’s a place for western medicine & more holistic ways. I’d love to find an integrative doctor but that’s not easy!
Yes, it’s VERY hard to find an integrative doctor!
I also know (secondhand) people who have died from Covid. So your BIL is taking a risk… fingers crossed that he gets through this okay!
Being a Dr’s daughter, I am very much a supporter in the power of science and medicine and using all that we can to stay healthy. I really appreciate your sharing your story. It sheds some light on what another rationale might be.
Yes, a lot of it depends on what your background is. Of course, my parents were strongly in favor of vaccines and it took me all this time to come around… sometimes you don’t want to believe your parents!
My parents also strongly believed in vaccines. Got a flu shot every year. My Dad had the flu multiple times and still ended up in the hospital — but in the end, that wasn’t what killed him.
Thanks for sharing your story.
I have always gotten every vaccine available. Why do I want the flu or shingles? Yet I know people who do not get vaccines.
Unfortunately they are why we still need to wear masks and restrictions exist.
Just my opinion.
Yes, I get it! That’s why it’s a gray area. People should have their rights, yet it affects all of us… it’s a tough one.
Thank you for sharing your story, Jenny, and making yourself vulnerable…. you’ve probably been expecting some heat by sharing your view. But what I love about this is that you were able to change your mind, having to live through the experience of a “deadly virus” threatening our lives.
I am a scientist (not medical), so I believe in the power of science and the ways it can help to protect us all.
The only reason why I get “angry” when people don’t get vaccinated is that they don’t believe in the vaccines, but are probably the first ones to rely on doctors when they get sick. It feels like a “double standard” to reject the vaccine but rely on doctors to fix you when you get sick… and in a situation, like right now, when resources are strained, it’s important to not just think about yourself but about others as well.
Thank you San! It makes me angry that the issue has become political. What does politics have to do with it, anyway??? And you’re right-it is a bit hypocritical to reject medicine in the form of a vaccine, but rely on it when you get sick.
Thanks for sharing your story.
I always got the vaccines.
Unfortunately now the situation about the Covid vaccine has become a political issue. In Italy this is the main daily topic among the politicians.
Ah… so Italy is similar to the US! Interesting.
I think its commendable that you shared this perspective, and even though I don’t agree with you, it is refreshing to read about your rationale, but I am also very very glad you decided to get it and to get your kids vaccinated as well. I’ve always been very trusting of science and medicine- I get every vaccine available for me and for my dogs (There’s a Lyme disease vaccine for dogs- why not humans??) Anyways, thanks for sharing, and your honesty.
Thank you Jessie! I really appreciate everyone’s comments. With all the talk and controversy over the Covid vaccine these days, I really felt compelled to write that post.
I had to read this because…I am a pediatric nurse practitioner and I was curious. I deal with vaccine skepticism and anti-vaxxers all the time. It’s challenging, to say the least. I have to tell you that when parents tell me they ‘don’t believe’ in vaccines, I tell them it’s not a religion. I’ve presented all the science. I remind them that no religions prohibit vaccines. But NOTHING I say changes their mind. Science is real, ‘big pharma’ doesn’t make big bucks on vaccines–it’s the medications that do that. And speaking of medications, it really bothers me that the anti-vaxxers aren’t afraid to bring their kids in when they are sick and ask for antibiotics…
I’m really glad that your son got vaccinated–I have had teenage patients do that same thing. Thank you for sharing your viewpoint and I am so proud of you and glad for you that you got the COVID vaccine.
I’m so, SO glad my son got the Covid vaccine. He’s in college right now in Texas (sigh) where they don’t have a lot of regulations, living in a dorm, and I would be so worried about him getting Covid. I know he could still get it, but I’m confident that having been vaccinated he won’t get too sick.
Thanks for your comment! If we had known each other twenty years ago, I would have been one of those parents who made you very, very angry. Don’t even ask why there’s a religious exemption for vaccines… maybe for Christian Scientists??? I have no idea.
Thank you for sharing your story and giving a different perspective. I had all my vaccinations as a kid, but I’ve never gotten the flu vaccine. i don’t have anything against it, but I’ve just never seen the need to get it. When it came to the Covid vaccine I was very hesitant at first, but then changed my mind around January of this year. When it opened up for my age group, I signed up immediately.
I’ve never gotten the flu vaccine either (no big surprise there) but now that I’ve done Covid, I’m considering getting the shingles vax. I definitely don’t want shingles!
Thank you for sharing this perspective.
Someone asked me long before COVID why I got the flu shot and I didn’t really have an answer. It was just something I did. Interesting to see your son “grow out” of the vaccine habits he was used to. Imagine that was interesting for you to watch as part of other adult decisions he’s making. I was the last in my immediate family to be eligible, but was so glad when I was able to safely see them again.
The current climate of pro/anti vaxxers yelling at each other isn’t going to get us as a society anywhere, sadly.
I know. I try to take a “live and let live” approach, but I do try to spread the word that you’re taking a risk by not getting the vaccine. No one’s going to change their mind because people yelled at them.
I live in California and the county with the least vaccinated population is a rich liberal area, so you are right, it is not only a right wing thing. I really enjoyed reading this and getting a different perspective on it. My grandfather died from tetanus which could have been avoided if he had gotten a vaccine, and it changed the trajectory of my mom’s life forever, so we were raised in a very pro-vax family.
When a new vaccine comes out, though, I do worry about it. I waited a few years to vaccinate my daughter for chicken pox, and if it hadn’t been a dangerous pandemic, I would have waited to get the COVID vaccine.
I’m reading this 2 years after you wrote it, because you linked to this post from your recent one. I’m so glad that the vaccine conversation has calmed down some! It’s ridiculous how political it got.
Yes, it was a little funny for me to re-read that two years later- the whole issue has calmed down a lot. I still think there’s always more than one valid point of view, but I have to agree with you- your grandfather should have gotten the tetanus vaccine! But, hindsight is 20/20…