By now, we all know we shouldn’t compare ourselves to people we read about on social media. We know that blogs, instagram and facebook are opportunities for people to present only their best side to the world.
The truth is, even when we’re being open and vulnerable, there are still things we’re leaving out. I try to be completely honest on my blog, but I’m still presenting a certain image of myself. Knowing this, why would I compare my life to the polished-up life someone is sharing on social media?
But I’ve done it. I’ve wondered why I’m not reading that many books, or running that many miles, or crushing my strength training. For that matter, why am I not doing volunteer work, hiking with my family, going on fabulous trips, or running a marathon in every state?
I love Jessie’s blog, The Right Fits. She’s a Minnesota runner on a quest to run a marathon in every state and on every continent. She runs 60-plus miles a week; her husband is also a runner; they have no kids, and they travel frequently for fun and, of course, to run marathons together.
Obviously I wouldn’t give up my kids for anything, but in my other, fantasy life (I’m not the only one who has one of those, am I?) I’m Jessie- running lots of miles, with the freedom to travel and do pretty much whatever I want. But THEN…
One day Jessie shared a post about the time she broke her leg, three weeks before she was supposed to run the Antarctica Marathon. She was on crutches, had to have surgery, and couldn’t run for seventeen weeks. It was truly terrible for her, and I appreciate her opening up about it like that.
When I read it I realized, her life isn’t perfect either. We all have our challenges and struggles. For that matter, why was my other fantasy life in Minnesota, anyway? I would shrivel up and die in the Minnesota winters! No, I guess my regular life is pretty good after all.
As Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” It’s hard, when we’re constantly reading about and seeing pictures from other people’s lives, not to start comparing. We have to remember that the purpose of our community is to support each other and build each other up. Iron sharpens iron- we’re here to make each other stronger.
When I’m tempted to start comparing myself to others, the thing that helps me the most is this quote from The Choice by Dr. Edith Eva Eger: “Only I can do what I can do the way I can do it.”
This is true whether I’m running, writing a blog post, giving a massage, or raising my kids. Even though there are thousands of other people doing the same things, only I can do it my way. And only you can do it your way. We can get inspiration and ideas from other people, and then go on to live our own lives in our own way- no one else can do that.
Have a unique and wonderful Friday!
Do you compare yourself to others? Or are you able to resist that urge? –I think we all do it sometimes.
22 Responses
Oh, we all do it, absolutely. It’s human nature.
The funny thing is what you’re writing about is actually at the very heart of Yoga! That we are all here for a reason, there’s only one of us, and we are all Divine. It’s really easy to lose sight of that in our modern world, although I imagine the Jews toiling away on the Pharaoh’s pyramids didn’t even have time to think about that (it’s the first night of Passover tonight, although I though it was last night — oops!).
There are also a lot of bloggers who really don’t want to post the bad things at all. It’s their prerogative, of course, but it can ultimately make people feel worse about their own imperfect lives. Which is what we all have!
Great thoughtful post, Jenny.
Thank you Judy. There’s different of looking at it- some people don’t want to post the bad stuff because they want their blogs to be positive and uplifting, and I get that. I definitely sugar coat things a lot because I don’t want people to end up depressed after reading my blog posts! Sometimes the negative stuff comes out though.
Happy Passover!
We all have to be ourselves because everyone else is taken. I love following along with Jessie’s adventures but I’m right with you that Minnesota winters would kill me. While everyone is free to share what they want to share on the internet, it really makes for a one dimensional picture when people only focus on the “perfect” part ==> when you only see the highs you’re looking at something that’s very flat. I do so appreciate “real people being real”.
I like that quote “be yourself, everyone else is taken.” It’s hard though when we’re constantly reading about other people’s lives! I just need a reminder every once in a while.
I absolutely do.
I envy those runners who do not have to work. They can run any time of day.
I envy those runners who have enough money to aspire to run in every state and to take vacations and run in very cool places.
I envy those runners who are young enough to run all the miles and train for PRs.
I could go on and on…
Ultimately, we do what we can do. There are people who have less or are sick/injured. What about those people in Ukraine??
I do try to be positive in my posts. Someone mentioned that I have a charmed life.
Nope. I don’t want to share the imperfections of my life on my blog… and there are plenty. That’s my prerogative as Judy says. But reading Debbie Downer posts each week gets old. (and I am not talking about you!!)
Ha, thanks for clarifying that! I do try not to get too down in my posts (even when I’m at my most frustrated.) Here’s one thing I think about- it’s easy to envy people who don’t have to work, or travel all the time or whatever- but we don’t know the private difficulties they’re facing. No one has a charmed life!
We all look around and wonder how other people do it! And I’m pretty sure I’m doing it all incorrectly, but I can only do what I can do!
I think your life in Florida sounds enviable, though, so just know there’s someone out there who thinks your life is definitely better than hers!
Ha, thanks well that’s good to know. Isn’t it funny how we have that feeling that we’re doing it wrong (yes, I have that too) and that everyone else is doing it correctly?
I think it’s human nature to wonder what it would be like to ….or be able to run without getting injured. The older I get, I find the less I do the comparison thing
Yes, there are good things about getting older! We get wiser too.
“We have to remember that the purpose of our community is to support each other and build each other up. ”
Jenny, I feel all the feels for this post. It’s SO true. Comparison is basically impossible to avoid. And, to a certain extent, I think it can be a positive influence. For example, you might see someone who trains hard and is physically fit and that comparison might be enough motivation to quit smoking or improve your own diet. So I think there is a time and place where comparison can help us lean toward positive/healthy growth and chance.
That said, more often than not I think comparison does steal joy, or it at least taints our own image of ourselves. When we see everyone else through the filter of their camera, writing, or even in real life friends who only share the good…it’s very, very hard to not internalize the message that everyone else has made better choices/has a “better” life. And even when we share the “hard” with each other – there is always going to be a disconnect!
Recognizing that we all have a part to play, that we all have “hard” stuff and “easy” stuff and that we need to focus on what we have in our lives that is nourishing and for which we can be grateful…is a great place to start.
A thought-provoking post and so well articulated <3
Thank you Elisabeth! I do agree that comparison can help- I’ve gotten a lot of motivation from reading about other people’s workouts. Ideally we would all be motivating each other, but it’s almost impossible not to start feeling like other people are luckier, or doing things better, etc. So hard to remember, but everyone has their own things that they struggle with.
It’s so important to remember that we all have struggles, big and small. It’s hard not to compare our lives to others’ for sure! But we all have our “things.” Someone said recently that what we see on social media, etc., is what people share, and people tend to share the good things only – good thing to remember when we are tempted to compare ourselves! Don’t compare someone’s highlight reel to your day to day life, is a good saying that I think of.
Yes, it’s so true. I think people have the best of intentions when they share all the good stuff- they want to be uplifting and not a downer. But it does present a lopsided view.
The comparison trap/temptation is one of the main reasons I am not on social media – I only blog/read blogs. I feel like this in this stage of life where I have young kids, I’m especially susceptible to comparisons, from developmental stuff, what other people’s kids are eating, how they are celebrating holidays, etc etc. So I decided to take away the opportunity to compare and go off social media (and for other reasons but this was one of the main reasons). I prefer reading blogs because you get more insight/explanation into what is happening versus just seeing a picture with a short explanation.
I’m fantasizing about FL right now because we are having an especially endless winter. But I’m sure our climate will look appealing come June or July when it’s really hot and humid down there and it’s more mild up here!
Yes, I pretty much only read blogs. At least with blogs you have a little more control over what you consume (you have a good idea of what the blogger’s lifestyle is like and you just wouldn’t read any that don’t make you feel good.)
Oh yes… keep reading my blog over the summer and you will have a newfound appreciation for where you live! Florida will be really unpleasant.
This was useful, thank you – last night I went to running club and none of the usual slower folk were there. Even though I totally accept running slower than my usual when I’m tail runner, I felt terrible when I and the tail runner got left behind, even though I was actually running at my faster pace for 3 of the 4 miles and couldn’t have made any more effort.
Liz, I’m glad it was useful! Yes, it’s impossible not to compare your pace to others when you’re all running together. Chris McClung refers to it as “different degrees of fast”- I like that!
Comparison is definitely one of the things I struggle with. I think it’s human nature to do so; we want to connect with people, but in doing so, we can’t help but compare our lives to theirs. Plus, social media and sharing things online make everything worse. I try my best to be honest about my struggles when sharing online. I think it’s fine to share the shiny and the good but I always want to balance it out with what’s going on behind the scenes. It’s so easy to see a fun vacation but not know the anxiety leading up to the vacation, or how long someone saved up for it, or maybe even the debt they’re going into FOR it. Or to see a cute family and think that they don’t have the same squabbles as your family or go through the same anxieties as you do. We’re all just trying to do our best and every once in a while, it’s good to be reminded of that.
I think you do a great job of being honest on your blog. But everyone has a different social media style, and some people don’t want to share the bad things. We just have to remember that everyone has their issues and struggles, even if we can’t see them.
Like so many others said, we all do it, it’s human nature. We cannot NOT compare our lives to what others are doing. It’s not necessarily bad, it can be a source of inspiration or motivation. I mostly struggle with the fact that sometimes I wish I could do or have what others have, but it’s not possible for my situation, and sometimes I struggle that I have to “choose”. I can’t do EVERYTHING that sounds appealing to me. (I definitely have a problem with wanting to do ALL THE THINGS).
I do appreciate honesty and transparency though – everybody has ups and downs in their lives and people who share both are the most authentic to me.
Yes, I try to get what good I can from the unavoidable comparison trap- it can definitely be a source of motivation. I get a lot of great ideas from reading blogs!