You know how sometimes life feels like a long trudge? Every run this month has felt like a trip through Death Valley, the car situation (my car is STILL in the shop) is wearing us down, and oh yes- my hamstring is still achy. I CAN’T WAIT until the weather cools down, I get my car back, and this nagging pain goes away.
The other night I was happily reading my book when my daughter came out of her room to talk about my least favorite subject… her hair. Her hair is short now, but maybe she’d like to grow it out? Sara says she would look better with long hair. But Juliana likes her hair short. If she has long hair again, she doesn’t want it to be frizzy. And she’ll still have bangs, obviously…
My mind started to wander and I fingered my book longingly. Then suddenly the thought popped into my mind: “This is it.”
THIS is my daughter’s childhood, or what’s left of it. Next year she’ll be in high school and the time goes so fast. I know this because my son is in college right now and I miss him terribly. There will come a time where I’m missing my daughter too, and wishing she still lived at home, and that I knew all the thoughts going through her mind.
Ever since that night, the theme song to “One Day at a Time” has been going through my mind (ah, the 1970s… could TV have been any more ridiculous?)
This is it
This is life, the one you get
So go and have a ball…
This is my life! Do I really want to waste any of my days wishing things were different? Especially the weather… wishing the weather were different must be the biggest waste of time in the world. The days where I’m sweltering hot, have no car and have to work all day are my life just as much as the great days. It’s not like some days don’t count… they’re all precious.
In this article, Ingrid Fetell Lee talks about the difference between “happiness” and “joy.” Rather than focusing on the vague concept of happiness, she focuses on moments of joy, which she defines as “an intense, momentary experience of positive emotion.” You can find moments of joy on a good day or bad day. And the more you do it, the more the question “am I happy?” becomes irrelevant. So in the interest of appreciating each day to the fullest, here’s a list of things that have given me joy recently:
The smell of my favorite pumpkin candle. The sound of my daughter practicing her flute. A nap on the couch with my cat curled up next to me. Earl grey tea. College football. Seeing the sunrise during my run. Trader Joe’s pumpkin bagels. Getting a massage. An icy cold glass of water with LMNT after a long, hot run. Reading a great book (seriously- is there anything better than being in the middle of a book you love?)
I’m still cranky about my car. And I’m not saying I’m enjoying the heat of September in Florida. But I’m trying to focus on the moments of joy, because they’re always there, if you’re looking.
Please tell me something that’s given you joy lately!
23 Responses
Thank you for this post, Jenny! Such a great reminder to appreciate the small things.
Right now I’m sitting in a hotel in Berlin. I feel anxious about my Achilles and the marathon on Sunday.
But then there are so many great things to think about: being in this city is wonderful. Drinking an Aperol Spritz in the sunshine this afternoon. Sleeping and resting as much as I want. Life is good, we just need to be aware of it. 😊
Yes Catrina- focus on the good things! GOOD LUCK on Sunday- I’m very excited for you and hope it goes well. I can’t wait to hear all about it!
Good luck on your race on Sunday!!! I hope you have a wonderful weekend and I can’t wait to hear all about it.
This is so true! It is easy to take for granted all the little things that bring us happiness and joy every day. There were so many days I wished away when my kids were little. I loved being a stay at home mom and know how lucky I was to have that choice but some days were long. Now that my kids are all grown up, I miss those long hard days
I do hope you get your car back soon bc that is just annoying!
It’s the irony of motherhood- we can’t wait till they grow up (why???) and then we miss those days when they were little. Maybe that’s what grandkids are for- to give us another chance to savor every moment!
Yes. We are always complaining and want things to be better or easier. It’s natural.
I try not to complain too much about family, money and work. IRL those issues exist and bring me down.
I am happy that I can run, I can eat whatever I want and that I have great friends.
Yes, I agree- there are all sorts of everyday things (other than the weather and my car) that I could be complaining about. But like you said, complaining all the time just brings me down, so I try not to do it. It’s definitely a choice we can make.
Great post, Jenny! I agree with you 100%. Bloom where you are planted, this is your life. I had an epiphany very early in the pandemic, about how I was wasting time wishing I lived in a warmer climate (so, the opposite of you.) Instead, I decided to just get out and enjoy life, who cares if I have to put on 100000 layers and it’s -30! I tell you, changing that attitude was huge for me and it made me so much happier in my life. Like, what a waste of time, thinking about the weather. We can’t change it! So we just have to figure out how to make peace with it. That is my goal in life, entirely, not to get all Serenity Prayer about it, but I’m getting Serenity Prayer about it. Change the attitude, if you can’t change the situation.
Speaking of which, I started really paying attention when my boys would talk about wrestling, and WWE and AEW. Ugh, so stupid, but they love it, so I started really listening and figuring out what they liked about it. Okay, it’s not like I would voluntarily watch it. But I started to understand why they did. Dinner conversation game changer.
One more thing: if you don’t want to talk about your daughter’s hair, can I? I will talk about hair/ makeup/ clothes/ shoes until the cows come home. I don’t think I have an off-valve for that. I could really get into short vs long vs bangs and what about colour? Maybe I could hire out my services? My talking services?
Nicole, I need you!!! My poor daughter- I am terrible with stuff like that. I should have been the one with two boys. Speaking of which, my son’s most boring phase was when he talked about Pokemon ALL THE TIME. I finally did the same as you did with wrestling- if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, right?
This is a good reminder to not wish away time! Laura Vanderkam wrote an article about that lately, too, that made me think, or she mentioned it in a post? I am very guilty of wishing time away which is valid in some cases, like wishing away crankiness from teething or other undesirable behavior. But I will probably yearn for some part of the young kid years so I should focus a bit more on what is bringing me joy. Something I loved today was how Will snuggled into me at the ENT when they checked his ears. He had to have a hearing test that involved putting things in his ears which he does not like, but snuggling with me helped, and then he snuggled again when the doctor checked his tubes. He does NOT snuggle much anymore – he just wants to be on the move! So I savored his snuggles in the doctor’s office and appreciated that they made the appt less unpleasant for him and the physicians/audiologists!
My day off also brought me joy. It was a good mix of things I enjoy (reading, hair cut, running with a friend) with things I needed to do and was happy to do without the kids around, like sorting through clothes and I ended the day with a HH with coworker that I genuinely enjoy talking to.
Oh that’s so cute… you will definitely miss those snuggles. It’s true some things are hard to cherish… like teething. But remember that No phase is perfect- it’s not like you’re going to get to a phase where there are no issues. We always have to take the good with the bad. Anyway… your day off sounds really, really nice. I love how it started with a run!
The story of your daughter and her hairy discussion (couldn’t resist, LOL) reminded me of when our son was a baby. He was maybe six months (?), and still not sleeping through the night. One night, as I was feeding him and rocking him back to sleep, I was wishing this time away…when, oh whenever, he finally would sleep through the night would be so wonderful! A split-second later, I realized that these moments of him needing me in the middle of the night were numbered. There would come a time when he wouldn’t want to be in the same room as me (let alone rocking him to sleep), and I immediately hugged him a little tighter. What had felt like a bit of a burden at the time, suddenly became a cherished moment…and I still l look back on that evening (almost 25 years ago) with a great deal of gratitude.
Yes Kim, I know exactly what you mean. Those days (nights) were so hard… and yet I have moments where I long to be back there. My daughter was upset recently and if only I could have gathered her in my arms and rocked her until she felt better! (Nope… that’s not happening anymore.) So I have to remind myself that there will be a day where I wish for this phase as well.
This is exactly the mindset that I try to have – it’s about now and the moments of joy. But I’m human and all of the other stuff creeps in as well.
The thing that’s giving me joy right now: I took a long weekend and I’m on a fun getaway by myself! It’s the first boy scout camp of the school year and I decided that while the weather is still nice that I’m going to start traveling on their camp weekends instead of staying home alone. Going into the trip I thought “oh this is stupid, it’s going to be boring” and now that I’m here I’m loving it!
Yay! That sounds really fun- I want to hear all about it.
Oh I love these sorts of posts, Jenny!
Joyful things lately: sharing evening drinks with my husband on the deck, twinkle lights on the mantle, hot tea, playing music at full volume and singing along. Watching my son sleep one night; if I squint hard enough I can still see the tiniest hints of his babyness (but that is fading fast; sigh).
It’s so easy to live in the future – always waiting for the next thing to come along. It’s actually very, very hard to live in the now. Of course someday we’ll look back to THIS day and pine for some element of it. While I don’t miss so many aspects of raising a toddler, I do wish I could slip back into that phase of parenting where they fit on my hip or I could rock them to sleep. Everything has an expiration date and it’s the tricky balance of finding that fact inspiring and hopeful instead of sad and anxiety-producing.
Yes, why is it SO hard to live in the present??? I know you try- and I love your “joyfinding” posts.
Such a powerful perspective. I am pretty good at finding joy in the little things. I appreciate that first sip of coffee every morning. And Scooby’s goofy face asking to climb up on the sofa. And the feel of cool morning air on my bare arms during a run. It is harder to remember to treasure times that feel tedious, but will be missed some day.
It’s funny that you mentioned two little things that I also love- the feel of cool air on my arms (when it does cool down here) during my runs, and the first sip of my tea. Starbucks really got it right with their saying “That first sip feeling”!
A good reminder! Sitting chatting with my friend Jen on the steps of the yoga studio before she went to yoga and I ran home was good today. As was introducing my husband to the new local bookshop and getting to choose two books from my Bank of Matthew fund (he gives me birthday and Christmas money on a spreadsheet and I get to spend it on gifts though the year!).
Oh, actually buying books at a bookstore (as opposed to going to the library) is definitely one of the joys of life. The fantasy book you recommended isn’t at our library, so I’m planning a trip to Barnes and Noble this week- I can’t wait!
I love this so much! I have that same thought recently when my youngest son was in the throws of some high school angst – time does go by so fast and before I know it he’ll be off at college too. Reminds me to stay present and embrace the moment. Some days that’s easier said than done, but definitely worth the effort.
What a great reminder to always look for the silver linings and the little pieces of joy in every single day!