Today we actually had a teeny, tiny taste of fall. It still got up to 85 degrees (not fall-ish) but the humidity was lower and there was a nice breeze in the morning. I had a little extra time after I dropped my daughter off at school, and I thought “Why don’t I go for a walk?”
In the summer, going for a walk is a commitment. You have to change your clothes (unless you’re already wearing shorts and a tank top) and know that you will return home drenched in sweat, even if you only walk for ten minutes. So then you need to take a shower.
But today! I just walked in what I was already wearing, which was sweatpants and a t-shirt, and when I returned home I went straight into making my breakfast. It was just a 15 minute walk, but I realized that a bunch of little walks adds up- so one of my goals for fall is to increase my walking in this way.
Okay, let’s talk about Christmas. I love Christmas so, so much- but I invariably end up incredibly stressed in December. After a careful analysis, I’ve decided that I just don’t start Christmas early enough. We always start the Christmas prep after Thanksgiving, and I now realize that is too late.
I’ll get pushback from the family if I start Christmas prep in November. Interestingly, it’s always the people who aren’t doing the work that have the strongest opinions. Okay! Then YOU put up the tree and all the decorations, send cards, bake cookies, buy and wrap all the presents, plan, shop for, and prepare all the food for Christmas Day and Christmas Eve- all between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Sure, it’s possible. But I would contend that it’s not possible to do it all in that time frame and not feel a lot of stress. This November, I’m going to START CHRISTMAS PREP AND I’M GOING TO ENJOY IT. One of my themes for NaBloPoMo is going to be “Christmas in November.” So there.
But… Thanksgiving is still a thing, and this year is going to be difficult. For the first time ever, my son won’t be home. Since we always have Thanksgiving with just the four of us, his absence will leave a huge, gaping hole.
To be clear, I’m not mad about this. I understand that he has to split his holidays now- they’ll spend Thanksgiving with Isabel’s family and Christmas with us. I’m THRILLED with this arrangement, because I would be even more sad if he weren’t here for Christmas. So, I completely understand that it has to be this way. I’m just not sure how we’re going to get through the day.
In a lot of ways, Paul has always been the glue that holds this family together. He’s always upbeat and fun, and de-escalates every situation when things start to get tense. In recent years, he’s taken ownership of several components of the meal (mashed potatoes, stuffing, and salad). The thought of attempting to carry on as always, and then sitting down to eat with just the three of us, makes me want to cry.
Right now there’s no clearcut alternative. Traveling is not an option, due to my husband’s and daughter’s schedules. I’ve thought about just giving up completely and eating at a restaurant, but I’m not quite ready to derail the entire day like that. So… right now I’m just waiting for a solution to present itself. And it will- somehow or other, Thanksgiving will happen.
Link Up With Tuesday Topics
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When do you start your Christmas prep?
Do you do the same thing for Thanksgiving every single year?
29 Responses
Yay for finally getting a hint of autumn! I remember going for walks in Naples, Florida, and it was always a sweaty affair, even in November! I didn’t mind being sweaty after a run, but when even a walk leaves you drenched, it’s not much fun!
I can understand why Thanksgiving feels so difficult this year. I hope you’ll find a solution that feels right for all three of you. What about keeping things really simple this year? Maybe a nice TV show and a snack board instead of the usual big meal? It might take some of the pressure off and help you enjoy the day without everyone feeling that you have to recreate Thanksgiving exactly as it’s always been.
Yes, that’s a good idea. I agree that we can’t try to recreate the same Thanksgiving we’ve always had- that just won’t work. Hmm… I’ll have to think about this, but I like the “simplicity” angle.
I dont think about Christmas until after Thanksgiving, and often most prep happens after the semester ends. I’m trying to simplify lots of things in my life, and I have time after finals are over. So I’m not too stressed right now.
Having kids move out and not be home for holidays doesn’t make me too sad. I still have an assortment of kids at home, so there’s someone to cook for. Gracious knows I would not cook a turkey if it wasn’t for kids loving tradition. Maybe you could invite other people over for the Thanksgiving meal? Fill that space at the table. Direct your thoughts to happy hosting instead of missing your son.
My adult kids don’t always come home at the holidays- and sometimes I prefer that. They can come at a less demanding time so we can enjoy the moment rather than worrying about holiday stuff.
The problem is… remember that we’re vegan. I think our usual Thanksgiving dinner is DELICIOUS, but there’s no turkey and apparently that’s really important to a lot of people! We’ve invited people over the years for various reasons, and no one has accepted our invitation, lol.
“Okay! Then YOU put up the tree and all the decorations, send cards, bake cookies, buy and wrap all the presents, plan, shop for, and prepare all the food for Christmas Day and Christmas Eve- all between Thanksgiving and Christmas.”
PREACH. IT. SISTER!
Christmas is so much work. Yes, it’s fun and magical and delightful. Also. So much work. On so many levels. And so much of that “magic” happens because of hard work and preparation.
Oh friend, I want to gather you up in a giant hug. My heart aches for you. Of course you’re delighted to have Isabel in your family and Paul so happy and settled. Also, it must be so hard to “share” him. Especially since he is such a calm, optimistic presence in your lives. It’s always hard when dynamics shift. In cases like this, there’s a form of grief involved. All these feelings are 100% normal and it feels hard because it is hard!
I really like Catrina’s idea of having something simple. You can create a new tradition instead of trying to carry on with old ones that aren’t going to feel the same without Paul in the mix.
Also: yes to starting on Christmas things early. I feel like I can better enjoy the season when I spread things out. I am hoping to create and order the family calendars for my parents/in-laws this week. I dread the process every single year, but also know that it’s their most beloved Christmas gift. It’s time to get. it. done!
Yes- any time we move to a new phase of life, there’s a bit of grieving for the time that ends. I’m liking this “simple, new tradition” idea a lot! I think it’ll be hard to sell it to my husband, but I don’t think he’s really thought through what Thanksgiving without Paul will really be like yet. On that note… he also has no idea how much work goes into making the Christmas “magic” happen! That’s okay- I think it usually falls to the moms in the family, and I truly like doing it… if I have enough time.
so nice to be walk and not feel too sweaty. I love the feeling of chill when walking at night here in brasilia.
to lessen the stress, you could start early and share the entire process with us? I’m always curious how much people do to prep for the holidays as I rarely do.
Coco, you would probably be astonished (and possibly appalled) if you knew how much time, energy, and money we put into Christmas! And Thanksgiving, for that matter. Americans definitely like to do things up in a big way, ha.
That is hard not having Paul there! I wonder if inviting a couple people, especially those so might be alone on the holiday, would help? It would be a completely different set up and dynamic instead of “well Paul used to be here and now he’s not” and perhaps that would be helpful?
I agree a completely different setup is the answer. And I’m open to inviting people- although as I said in a previous comment, not everyone want to have a vegan Thanksgiving dinner! Still- it’s worth thinking about.
Bring on the tastes of fall!
I approve of your plan to start the holidays when it’s convenient for you, since you’re the one doing most of the work. Anyone who doesn’t like it can…complain. And the odds are that they will anyway, so you might as well do the holidays your way.
Any chance that you have local friends that you could buddy up with for a Friendsgiving meal? If not, I know you’ll come up with something. And man oh man, whatever shortcomings Thanksgiving has, Christmas is going to be excellent.
Ha ha that’s a great way to look at it- Thanksgiving might be kind of lame, but Christmas will be amazing!!! And I’m laughing at your comment about people complaining- very true, they will be complaining anyway, so I might as well just do things my way!
We have to split our stepson with his wife’s family on big holidays. That means my granddaughter. Boo.
Too early to think about anything but Halloween. For us it means cold ice and snow. Big boo.
Ooh, I can look ahead and see how that’s going to be a tough one, when we have to split holidays with grandchildren as well! I can see that this only gets more complicated as time goes on.
I remember Halloweens in Illinois- how disappointed we were when we had to wear a coat over our costumes. Brr.
I’m sorry you won’t have Paul there for Thanksgiving! I’m sure that will be tough, but I’m glad he’ll be able to visit for Christmas. My sister and her husband always stay in AZ for Thanksgiving but switch off years for Christmas, so this year they’re staying with his family. This year will also be sad because my dog is gone, but my sister’s dog will be staying with my parents for Christmas so I’ll get to see her when I’m with them!
I think it’s a great idea to start Christmas prep early, especially since you’re the one who handles everything!
Ooh… I’m glad you’ll have a “substitute” dog for Christmas. The first holiday without a loved one is always the hardest. And- holidays definitely get complicated when people start getting married! I know I’m not the first person to grapple with this.
Ug, sorry that Paul won’t be there this year for Thanksgiving! My family is similar in that my brother splits his time, and if it’s just me and my parents, we sometimes just have whatever we want for dinner! A Costco turkey breast if someone is craving turkey, or even a ham, or pork loin, or something completely random. What’s important is the time spent together and I think the fuss over the meal can be eliminated. Or just focus on fancy desserts and don’t worry about the main as much! We realized in our family that we don’t even love turkey that much, although I do like to have the carcass to make stock (but now I have no home so need no stock!)
I’m pretty sure I could do something pretty simple for dinner, as long as there was pie involved. I could get some sort of vegan roast (they’re all kind of the same, unfortunately) have a couple easy sides and then as you said, focus on the desserts. I like that!
It really is difficult when a family member isn’t available for a holiday. Maybe don’t try to make Thanksgiving the very same as it was when Paul was still able to attend. It sounds like a good time to maybe streamline and have a bit of fun with the meal. And it’s not like he’s no longer around at all, ever. It will feel different, but it doesn’t have to feel sad.
Bravo for your assessment of Christmas responsibilities. It’s just so unfair that women are always the Holiday Bringers. I’ve been bitching about that for ages (especially on my blog). You can start Cmas prep any time you want! I do adhere to a No Cmas Decor Or Music Before December 1st, but the planning and shopping can start anytime. And I’ve gotten really good at delegating and accepting help lately.
I’m glad your weather broke. I cannot, however, fathom taking a sweatsuit walk in 85-degree weather. That’s just HOT.
That’s a really good point- it’s not like Paul is gone forever. We can happily think about him, spending time with Isabel’s family, and be grateful that he’s happily married!
As far as Christmas- for all my husband knows, Santa actually brings the presents. He’s not involved in the process at all, so is just as surprised as the kids when presents appear under the tree on Christmas, ha ha. I’ve just accepted it at this point. I don’t even ask him to help with the outdoor lights- I just do it. If it were left up to him, we would hard have any decor at all.
I can imagine Thanksgiving will be very different without your son! That’s the downside of them getting married, I guess.
Christmas prep can be so much work if you want all the things to happen. Certainly lots of it can be done early “behind the scenes” so they will barely notice and you can avoid the pushback? I mean, you don’t have to prioritise getting the tree up in early November, but so much else can still be prepared.
I start my Christmas prep in late November but we have a very low-key Christmas. Just the two of us, some food, chocolate, and presents. But for the Christmas period I want the decor up, the mulled wine and my ginger cookies and I have to bake them myself.
We get a real tree, so we really can’t get it too early, otherwise it won’t make it all the way to Christmas! I might sneak out some of the other decorations early though, heh heh…
Sending hugs as you make this transition to sharing your son with another family! Will they switch off next year and spend Thanksgiving with you and Christmas with Isabella’s family (that’s what our youngest son and his wife do since they don’t live nearby)? I like the idea of Christmas in November and I plan to do a lot of Christmas this November as well (for other reasons I’ll talk about in a later blog post).
Oh man, I totally get your feelings about Thanksgiving and missing Paul from the holiday. That’s a tough change for sure! Will your daughter’s boyfriend be joining you? I know those days are coming soon for our family as the kids graduate college and I’m dreading it. But yes, we will carry on and find new ways to enjoy the holiday and our changed family dynamics!
Our Christmas decorating usually waits until after Thanksgiving, but we might need to bump it up a bit this year because Zach will head back to college to be at the OSU/MI game.
Oh man. Splitting the holidays is so hard. I’m sorry. Paul sounds like my Ed – he’s my rock. Solid and dependable, able to say what needs to be said on a dime. I remember when Coach and I got married. Our folks lived down the street from one another and I was so upset when his parents bought a house in Florida. They started doing holidays down there. Here I thought we were gonna have it so easy – drive to one house and then the next house down the street as needed. I still remember my BIL making fun of me, saying ‘Oh no, my in law have a house in florida that I can go to sometimes. Sounds rough.’ Well, he was glossing over how this would mean I’d have to skip holidays with my folks and I’d not factored that into the equation. Anyway, that doesn’t help your adjustment. It’ll be different, but would an extended zoom session with him help? I also think switching things up and letting a restaurant do the heavy lifting would be one way to begin a new tradition. xo
Also, glad your weather cooperated and behaved like spring. It’s been mid 60s here during the day, chilly in the am and pm – but it’s perfect for working out and sleeping comfortably at night.
Christmas in November! I love that for you, Jenny! I completely agree there’s not enough time between Thanksgiving and Christmas. We need to petition for Thanksgiving to take place alongside Canada’s holiday. That would be much better!
So first of all, I support your efforts. I started decorating for Halloween in August. I still got derailed by the kitchen demolition, but I got some good weeks of enjoyment in.
Secondly, I hate Thanksgiving. It’s pretty much one of my least favorite holidays. I do EVERYTHING in my power to make it enjoyable, but it still ends up being a stressful day. This year, I want to do an open donuts and coffee in the morning for the neighbors and then maybe a leftover pie day for anyone who is around on Friday. we will see how it goes.
It’s been SO NICE to be able to go for a walk WHENEVER I WANT. It’s not “I need to do my walk at 7am because any later and it’ll be too hot” or “I can’t go for a that lunchtime walk, I’ll be too sweaty for meetings.” It’s still getting a bit warm in the afternoons, but it’s been staying in the low 80s and I am HERE FOR IT.
Thanksgiving is going to be different this year, for sure. I’m feeling weird about it myself because for the last 10 years, my stepdad has been doing dinner (he did EVERYTHING and loved it) and now, WE have to do it. Wah! So that will be different, but it’s all about figuring out a new normal. And honoring your feelings. You’ll be sad! And that’s okay. <3
I hope you can find a way to soldier through Thanksgiving without Paul! It is hard to adjust to splitting holidays but you are getting the better of the 2 holidays IMO! You could try doing something completely different like going to a movie as a family? Or having a more snacky meal? I would find out what dish is most important to everyone and you could try to make that and then sort of mail the rest of the meal in?
I am here for Christmas in November. You could do a bunch of things before Thanksgiving and then wait to get your tree then. I know having a real tree means you can’t get it too early!