Hooray! It’s Friday! Our super busy week is drawing to a close. Since it’s Friday, it’s time for a delicious hot Earl Grey tea (that IS what you’re drinking, right?) and- wait. Why do I call this post “Coffee Date” when I don’t drink coffee? Must think about that. Anyway…
If we were having coffee (tea) together, I would tell you that I’ve kind of, sort of been doing Gretchen Rubin’s “Write 24 for 24” project, where you write for 24 minutes a day (or, if that’s too daunting, 2-4 minutes.) I started on February 28 and was very consistent for about a month- now it’s hit or miss. But something is better than nothing (right?)
I looked back at what I wrote in March, and boy… was I whiny. It was right after I sprained my ankle, and there was so much emoting over how much it hurt, how much I hated limping around, and how much I wanted to be running again. And remember how I was thinking of doing a different 50 mile race, but then it got sold out before I could register? THAT was the end of the world, for a couple days.
Writing it all out like that was helpful, because it meant I didn’t bore family and friends (and blog readers!) with all my complaining. But reading it two months later, the main thing that struck me was how temporary it all was. All the things that seemed so terrible at the time were actually little blips that mean nothing now. Hmmm.
This week’s episode of Sally McRae’s podcast is titled “The Powerful DNF.” Sally talks about how to reframe a disappointing experience by asking “What have I gained?” (I definitely learned a lot from my DNF!) She also points out that whether you finish your race or not, life will go on. The sun will raise again and you’ll go back to work. Soon you’ll be running again and there will be other races- this all happens regardless of your race result.
That got me thinking. As sad as I was on February 17th, I’m not sure I feel any differently today- May 9th- than I would have if I had finished that race. As a matter of fact, if anything, I might actually be HAPPIER. If I had finished Forgotten Florida, then the race I’m doing at the end of this month- Sweat, Swat ‘n Swear- wouldn’t have been on my radar. Who knows, I might be moping around right now, saying “Life feels so meaningless without a race to train for”.and instead I’m excited about a race coming right up.
The last thing I would tell you over coffee is that our extremely busy season is drawing to a close. My daughter has events today and tomorrow, and then things calm down. It was really only two weeks of insanity. Once again, it was only… temporary.
If you’re going through a hard or busy time right now, can you see the light at the end of the tunnel? Do you have any “disasters” in your past which you can now see as temporary setbacks?
Who else likes Earl Grey Tea???!
24 Responses
Ha! Did you write this post just for little ‘ole me? How sweet of you. 🤣
As you know I’m in that interminable “it’s so much better but not good enough” spot and I’m struggling with it. I got to take my belt test and I’m so grateful for that. And returning to running (well, very slowly ramping up to running) starts in a couple weeks, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But I’m so mired in worry that my knee will never be the same again that it’s hard to see that light. Right now I’m working on responding to catastrophizing thoughts with; “maybe, maybe not” to remind myself that I have no idea what will happen and suffering the possibility of a poor outcome now won’t make it easier to manage that outcome if it actually happens, it will just make miserable in this moment.
As you can see, uncertainty and I are not great friends.
I’m so glad your ankle is so much better and your race feels achievable. It’s been really good for me to read your story and know what healing can happen.
Yes I did write this post for you! Well- and everyone else who’s struggling right now (in other words, most people.) Yes, I know that phase you’re in. I don’t know a lot about your type of injury, but with my ankle people seemed to feel it was appropriate to say that my ankle would never be the same, that once you sprain it, the ligaments are permanently weak and you’re more prone to sprains in the future. Really? Why are you telling me this! I have to remind myself that about ten years ago, I sprained the other ankle and that one has been perfectly fine ever since. So there, people.
I like your response to the negative thoughts- “maybe, maybe not.” You just don’t know!
Me! I love Earl Grey! I have a giant cup every morning. I also don’t drink coffee but if I want to get together with friends I usually say, Can we meet for coffee? Weird.
Your point about the temporary quality of hard times is something I really needed to hear today. Things feel so busy and I am having such a hard time getting anything done! But this will pass!
It will, Suzanne! It will definitely pass. And, you’re reminding me that I need to order more of the Uncle Grey- I’ve run out, and that was my weekend treat.
Team coffee of here! But I wish I liked tea! I have tried and just can’t find a kind I like more than coffee.
I am coming to the end of a really busy travel season at work. It should slow down to 1 trip/month this summer which I am so looking forward to. Things run smoother with me around and I love Minnesota summers so I want to be here for the walks to the creek after dinner and such.
I think there are a lot of things we have to kind of muddle through but come through stronger. Some of my tough phases have gone beyond just a tough season, like I am thinking specifically about my year in Charlotte and then the following year at a company that had a really unhealthy culture. Those were my ‘crying in the bathroom at work’ years and I can’t bring myself to say they were temporary set backs. Those are what stand out most in my mind, though, and clearly were very big hard things. There have been smaller things that I have gone through, though, like injuries I had to work through or challenging periods of sleep when our kids were up a ton with ear infections. In the middle of those phases, I felt so weighed down by how hard things were but now I just kind of barely remember those stages.
Okay that’s interesting- so you feel like some phases were SO bad that you can’t just call them a blip. I guess there’s a difference between really, really bad things, and “minor” bad things, like being too busy or spraining your ankle. When I was writing the post I did think about that- like, I can’t say that my mom dying was a blip. But, the really, really intense feelings of sadness were temporary. Not that I don’t still get sad at times, but the initial shock and sorrow were temporary.
And… it’s funny because I’ve tried to like coffee, and I just can’t. Well- to each his own!
I tried hard to think of some temporary set backs that seemed really hard in the moment but then were not a bit deal in the grand scheme of things. I think what comes to mind for the more temporary “blips” are relationships ending but that is really dipping far back into the past!
I also tried hard to like beer when I was in college before I knew about my gluten intolerance. I just absolutely hated it and could never come to like the taste of it. We like what we like! I’m glad I now have an excuse to continue to dislike beer. There are GF beers but most would agree that they are generally not as good as the real deal so I can just completely opt out and not feel any pressure to try to like them!
My takeway is that I need to try the journaling exercise. I would definitely be on the 2-4 minute side to start. I was keeping a lose planner/bullet journal where I intended to take notes about my day, but getting the puppy put a halt to the journaling side of it.
I used to take bad races so hard, and IT WAS NOT WORTH IT. I definitely did not gain anything from it.
Hooray for the end of the school year!
I’m Team Coffee, but for me it’s a managed addiction. I limit myself to one cup a day, which I have right when I get up, so you’re right that “if we were having coffee” I would be drinking tea;-)
Such a great insight; the bumps in the road, in the long term, don’t usually have THAT big of an impact even if they feel catastrophic at the time.
I love coffee, but only with cream + maple syrup or creamer in it.
Right now I’m sipping green tea with nothing added, and I drink chai black, but do prefer Earl Grey or Orange Pekoe with a hint of white – a glug of milk or oat milk.
It’s funny because I’ve tried coffee with delicious things added, but I’m always like “No, it still tastes like coffee!”
I’m wondering what kind of green tea you drink- I’ve also tried to like green tea but haven’t found one I like.
It’s funny, because that’s how I feel about tea! I simply don’t like the flavor, and when people have asked if I’ve tried this or that flavored tea, the answer is that they all taste like tea!
Coffee, meanwhile, though I add plenty to it, I like, and as a kid I liked coffee ice cream, so there must be something to that.
Oh, you and my husband- he loves coffee but can get way too addicted to it if he’s not careful. At most, he’s allowed one cup in the morning.
Yes, the journaling exercise was like meditation in a way (not that I meditate- but I’ve tried in the past.) One meditation exercise is to imagine your thoughts passing by like clouds in the sky. Looking back on the journal was like the same thing- all these thoughts were just temporary clouds floating by.
If you had had the time to journal when you first got Doggo, now you would be looking back on those entries, appreciating how hard it was and also how temporary it was! But I can see why you didn’t do it no way did I have the time or energy to journal when my kids were toddlers.
…and that was a reply to Birchie…
This is exactly the way I’m feeling now about my stress fracture. It was the END OF THE WORLD 3 months ago, and now I think how temporary it really was.
I particularly remember one miserable Saturday morning. Everything was just awful and I thought to myself: this is rock bottom.
From now on, things will get better. And they did!
Deep down, I guess I knew it was temporary, but I needed to wallow in self-pity. Once I did that, I could look forwards (and upwards).
Yes, when I look back on all my injuries, there was a place where it just seemed so hopeless and miserable… and then it was over! It can be hard to see that when you’re in the middle of it though.
Such an interesting post. Reminds me of Gretchen Rubin’s saying that “you never know what is good or bad luck”. Sometimes what seems like bad luck in the moment can turn out to be good luck later. Over time I’ve definitely learnt to remind myself that a hard time is a temporary blip- by saying “in a year, will this feel like a distant memory?” The answer is usually yes! Occasionally (eg extended covid lockdown in Sydney from June-October in 2021) the period was so tough it wasn’t a blip and I had mental health issues as a result. But 9/10 it passes quickly. I’m in a really busy period right now with international travel next week, all positive things but still challenging to be so busy, But Im already planning for June to be a lot calmer.
I love coffee, AND Earl Grey tea! Coffee in the morning, tea in the afternoon. I always like to have a hot drink at my desk when I’m working.
Yes, for most things, like a super busy season, it will be temporary. Covid is a tough one- there are definitely some long-term repercussions. I wonder if we need more time- like ten years from now will we see it as a blip? Not sure.
Glad to hear you like my favorite tea!
Every time I see “Sweat Swat and Swear” I get stuck on the “swat” part. I REALLY hope it isn’t as buggy as it sounds!!!! I am shocked at how hot it just got, seemingly out of the blue, though I probably shouldn’t be. I am glad the journaling served a purpose! I took a little break from journaling these past couple of weeks but I’m ready to get back to it!
Time is really helpful at giving us this perspective, isn’t it? When we’re in the trenches, we don’t know when things will end so it just feels relentless and hard. But it DOES pass, most things do, and we either gain a new appreciation of ourselves or move forward into this new normal.
For the record, I did not find any of your posts whiny! It seemed really normal to have an emotional response to the race and the resulting injury. <3
I agree with Stephany, I did not find your posts after your injury to be whiny at all. So much energy and effort went into preparing for the race, and to have it end that way was understandably very frustrating. If you can’t vent here, where can you vent?
I also agree with you, that time gives perspective to things. Some things that feel like a big deal turn out to not be so big in the long run. Some losses turn out to be for the better. Those are generally disappointments, in my book, more than big losses. And the big losses, like you mentioned in one of your comments, about losing your mom. Those will never be blips, but the raw pain and shock of it does lesson. Thank goodness. When I think I can’t manage something, I remember my Grandma, who lost a baby and her husband (husband to tetanus, get your vaccines people!) when she was very young. And ended up surviving all of her children and another husband as well. And my step-mom, whose first husband died when she was in college (Vietnam), and whose second husband (my dad) died hiking the Dolomite, and then has lost her most recent relationship to cancer last year. She gets knocked down, emotionally, and she lets herself feel it. And eventually, she is strong enough to go forward in life. There’s a lot of peace for me in seeing this, it helps me to know I will be able to get through losses like those.
I am going through a difficult time right now, but I know it’s temporary. I went through a frighteningly similar situation about seven or eight years ago (a failing maternal figure) and while it seems to be all-encompassing right now, I know that this will pass eventually. That doesn’t necessarily make it easier, but at least I’m not just giving up everything else in my life because I have a sick relative. I’m trying to be self-aware (although not always successful).
I didn’t find your posts here whiny at all. Maybe the writing you were doing on your own had a different tone to it, but it just seemed like you were expressing your feelings of disappointment and frustration, which is fair! You have feelings! It’s encouraged that you share those with other people!
I love how you put this, and it’s so true that most of our problems really are temporary, it’s just hard to see that in the moment. I don’t think you were being whiny when you were writing about your injury — it’s tough to put in so much work into training and then have things go wrong on race day, but especially in ultras, anything can happen and we have to accept that DNFs are part of the game, but we can learn lessons from our failures and make our next races even better!
I often worry when I am injured that it’s not temporary but it also is….
Other things often are permanent but you just have to move on.
It’s interesting how perspective shifts over time, isn’t it? But it’s still part of the journey to go through these emotions… I think you’ve gained some valuable insights.