Okay, here are all the details from graduation! But first- the burning question… was I happy with my outfit? The answer is, it was COMPLETELY FINE. There were people more dressed up than me, and people wearing jeans. The only way I could have gone wrong is if I had worn running clothes or pajamas. I did not do anything about my toenails, and no one noticed. So, note to future self- do not worry about these things.
Let’s move on to the important topics. Every year Paul plays for graduation (the music is provided by a paid student brass ensemble). We knew he was playing again this year, and about a week ago he said “You know I won’t be walking in with my class, because I’ll be playing Pomp and Circumstance?” Oh. Hmm. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. My husband said “Well, that’s the life of a musician- you’re always playing while other people are celebrating.” Okay…
Before the ceremony started, the brass ensemble played several pieces as a prelude. And then, they played a fanfare to signal the start of the processional, which caused a ripple of excitement through the audience. They broke into Pomp and Circumstance as the graduates appeared, and I realized- that’s the other part of being a musician. You’re making the music that makes these moments special, and that’s pretty cool.
I’ll tell you what I WASN’T fine with, though. Also shortly before graduation, Paul told us that when he ordered his cap and gown, he went with the absolute cheapest option. Wait. What? There was an additional colorful stole, and a cord for being magna cum laude, but he decided not to “waste” money on those. OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. Let’s look at a photo:
It didn’t help that the school of music gowns were black (some schools had green gowns) and that he had to wear a black shirt, since he was playing in the brass ensemble. But he looked SO INCREDIBLY PLAIN compared to everyone else. He said he wore a green tie “to make up for it.”
After graduation was over, he said “NOW aren’t you glad I saved us the money?” NO I AM NOT! There are great times to save money, and this was NOT one of them! I’m going to be sputtering about this for a long, long time- possibly the rest of my life.
Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Let’s move on. Going back to the ceremony- once the processional was over, Paul and the other seniors playing in the brass group joined their class, and of course he walked across the stage to get his diploma like everyone else.
In addition to several poignant moments during the ceremony, the entire time in Waco was an emotional land mine for me. I teared up when we passed Paul’s freshman dorm. His trumpet teacher gave him a present and a card, and when Paul read the card all three of us- Paul, my husband, and I- cried. We had to say goodbye to his best friend and roommate of the past three years- a boy who has visited us in Florida and who we absolutely love. (Paul smoothed that over by saying “Don’t worry- Russell will definitely be invited to my wedding, so you’ll see him again.”)
We initially regretted that the trip was so short, but it turned out to be the perfect length. If we stayed longer it would have prolonged the goodbyes. We got to spend some great quality time with Paul, and he has his own loose ends to tie up. He’ll stay in Waco for another week before leaving for a trumpet competition and then a summer music festival. We’ll see him again in July (which will be my next trip- more on that later!)
So that’s it! I’m definitely suffering a little from post-trip blues, but also relieved that everything went smoothly. Oh, and my daughter- who opted to stay behind with a friend- said she didn’t really have a good time “because Abby and her mom argued so much.” HMMM. I feel like there’s a deep lesson here, but I’ll leave it for now.
Would you have been upset about the “econo-gown” situation? (Back me up, people!!!)
22 Responses
Sorry, I’m with your son. I think the green tie with the black looks classy! I have so many stoles and cords and medals from my kids’ graduations, I don’t know what to do with them! I liked my son’s graduation – they had bins to return the gowns in each dorm for the seniors to use- they’ll reuse them some other graduation. Another son’s hs graduation gown we were able to send to his friend the next year – he had missed the deadline for ordering. But otherwise, the gowns and cords get used as wizard robes or angels for Halloween.
Glad you had a meaningful time. And also glad your daughter might have learned something! ( Not that you can mention it to her- teen girls can be touchy!)
Ha ha, well my son will feel vindicated. I agree that now we have a cap and gown that will never be worn again- I’ll have to ask him if there’s any way to give it to someone. The stole- I definitely could have kept that as a decoration. I only have two kids so I don’t think I would have been overcome with stoles and medals!
Those kids! They don’t know what’s worth spending money on and what’s not. But in Paul’s defense he looks sharp.
While I do love my long trips (tomorrow is my last full day in CA), I think I prefer shorter trips. Just a day or two is long enough to do a ton of things and have great experiences.
Yay to one more trip back to Waco this summer!
Yes- I’ll be back in Waco very briefly this summer! And- I’m sure there are plenty of things Paul has wasted $45 dollars on, but when it came to the graduation stole… he decided to be frugal. I can’t wait to hear all about this epic blogger meetup of yours!
I think he looks nice and smart! And looks like he got a nice folder, too – we had our photos with what was effectively a cardboard tube with the university’s headed paper wrapped around it … I did have my certificate posted to me later. We also hired our gowns – hilariously, still from Ede & Ravenscroft who are the only suppliers of gowns in the UK and make you think of Brideshead Revisited, etc. Much amusement trying to measure our heads for the cap! But we just gave them back in afterwards. I did always wish I had done one of the PhDs I was offered to do as you get a floppy Henry VIII sort of hat for that … Anyway, lovely to read about it and I’m sure Paul will keep in touch with his best friend and you’ll see him again!
I really wish this was a situation where you rent a gown! I mean, Paul does have a point- why buy a cap and gown you’ll never wear again? I think that irked him enough that he didn’t get the stole.
Paul looks happy, he did amazing – and has the very expensive piece of paper to prove it, ha – and I think we can all have different priorities. If it didn’t bother him, I wouldn’t let it bother you. (I didn’t even go to my graduation ceremony for my graduate degree!)
That said, this whole situation did make me think immediately of how when I was ordering my wedding band at the jewellers I VERY seriously contemplated saving $100 and getting a band that didn’t match my engagement ring. I cannot believe how long I dithered about spending the extra $100. So long! (To be fair, $100 was a lot of money to me at the time).
Anyhoo. Wiser minds prevailed and with a bit of guilt I spent the extra $100 so something that I see every single day of my life looks good. I know it would have irked me constantly had I chosen the cheaper option but there was a debate in my mind.
Wait, is it normal to buy and keep your gowns in the US? At least the school I went to for my undergrad (see above – didn’t even go to my graduation for grad school), we just used caps/gowns our school had. I don’t even know if I had to rent it? I feel like they were free, but we just handed them back in after the ceremony.
I think your outfit looked perfect!
It seems to be customary to buy caps and gowns here. I’ll admit it’s a tremendous waste (when are you going to wear it again- a Halloween party?) and probably just another way for someone to make money. So… now that I’m following Paul’s logic on that, I can see why he decided to be cheap. BUT, I’m very glad you spent the extra $100 for the wedding band that matched! I guess that’s a good question to ask when you’re trying to decide on a purchase- is this something I’m going to see EVERY DAY? Yet another reason for not spending extra money on the graduation stole, I guess.
Oh, Jenny, I LOVE that Paul went with the simplest option. Not because he didn’t deserve the cords and stole – he clearly did – but because it’s a solid reminder that the moment still matters, even without all the visual bells and whistles.
We had a very simple wedding (no wedding rings or a cake, although I did wear the white dress!) and 32 years later, we’re still happily married.
Talking of weddings, let’s see how Paul’s will turn out! 😅
I’m laughing, Catrina, at the thought of Paul’s future “econo-wedding.” I guess his future wife will probably have some say in that, though! The truth is, I also had a simple wedding (in a park) and didn’t wear a white dress. But I did wear a nice dress- it was “periwinkle.” And we did have rings.
Huh, I had no idea that people had options for gowns when graduating. When I finished, there was a very specific colour that coordinated with the department. I’m sure we had no choice. Ah well, done is done, and the important thing is the accomplishment behind it. Still, I understand your feelings.
I was going to make a joke when you said “moving on to important things” – you mean your outfit wasn’t the important thing??
An emotional goodbye for sure! It’s a huge milestone. And now – on to Chicago! I’m sure you’ll enjoy having him home for the summer.
Oh and now I see Elisabeth’s reply – for SURE I did not buy my cap and gown. It was a rental, buying wasn’t an option. I don’t think it ever is in Canada, unless you’re a professor who needs them year after year for a ceremony.
Yes- it’s really wasteful (and honestly a ripoff) that you have to buy the caps and gowns. What in the world are you going to do with them? It really is a way for these companies to make money, and increase our landfills. I’m hoping my son can give his to his roommate (who’s graduating in December.)
Yeah one of my stepsons didn’t even want to go to his HS graduation. We made him. It’s for us, we said.
Then again I didn’t go to either of my master graduations.
Be prepared for your daughter’s graduation ideas. LOL.
Ha- I don’t think there are a lot of options for high school! But.. now that you mention it, my daughter will probably try to do something weird.
Congrats to Paul! I’m so impressed by all his choices including playing in the band and going econo-gown…
But I totally get why you’d want to see Paul wearing the extra honor cords… I would have too. But Paul is going to grad school, so you’ll get another, more colorful graduation now that he knows what you’d like to see. (Why do kids not consult us on things like this?!)
Sounds like a beautiful day marked by meaningful moments (how lovely of the trumpet teacher to give Paul a card!)
Music is so important. What your husband said about musicians playing while people celebrate and what you said about music making moments special, will live with me forever.
Thank you Maya!!! And yes- Paul has promised me to get all the colorful options for his NU graduation : )
Oh Paul! But hey, his frugality will serve him well in life. Congrats to him for graduating magna cum laude! I am glad you were able to celebrate him. And he will stay in touch with those college friends, I’m sure, so you’ll see them again. I am glad you were happy with what you wore. I was sure no one would care about your feet and if they did, those are not the kind of people whose opinions matter! You looked great and probably stayed cool!
I have no memory of how I got my cap and gown for my undergrad and grad school graduations. I did walk thru both but know a lot of people who didn’t which seems so anticlimactic!
To me, graduation seems like an important event for closure- but I can see how some people would want to skip it. I’m glad Paul didn’t feel that way. Honestly, his thought process was probably “well, I’ll be there playing anyway so I might as well walk across the stage.” And another thought- if your parents paid for college, and the graduation ceremony is important to them, you should probably go!
When I graduated from college, we rented our gowns and had to return them within an hour of the ceremony being over or we’d be charged a fee! The one thing that I’m still upset about is that we were told not to decorate our caps, so I didn’t, only to get to the ceremony and see that almost everyone had decorated theirs! And I graduated in December in Colorado, and even though the ceremony was indoors, I had to wear pants instead of a dress like I wanted because it was cold and snowing. But looking back, all I remember is how excited I was to be graduating, so I’m sure it’s the same for Paul!
I would love to know how people all get together and decide these things- like “we’re all going to decorate our caps” or “we’re all going to order stoles.” I think if Paul had realized that EVERYONE else got the colorful stole, he might have too. And you’re right- in the end it doesn’t matter if you were wearing pants, a dress, a colorful stole or a tie. None of that is going to ruin the day.
Oh, Jenny.
First, you looked wonderful.
Second, I want to give you the biggest hug. I grew up in a house of mostly women (5 women to be exact, and one man). Now, I am alone in a house of two men. I was never the girliest girl, but I love details, and the photos, and all the things. My son is like your son. He uses things until they are in tatters. Or he will pick the cheapest option because it’s not important to him. Or he won’t want to buy something or do something because he just doesn’t think it’s worth it. This applies even if we offer to pay for things! And I laugh because A would have done the exact same thing as your son, and I probably would be just as flabbergasted. On the plus side, how amazing that we have these two young men who are so self-assured that they don’t need the “trappings of accomplishment”… they know who they are and what they’ve done and that’s enough for them.
Congratuatlions to him. He is going to do such great things.