Hey there! How’s your January going? Mine is… very January-ish. I just read Kae’s post about her trip to Ireland, and it made me miss that pre-Christmas magical time! January always feels so flat to me. But- we’re all in the same boat. It will take a while, but life will eventually feel sparkly again.
I know someone who’s not experiencing the January blahs- my daughter. Remember my fears about her relationship with her boyfriend (that he was too nice for her?) Well, obviously I need to butt out, because they’re doing just fine. Their “big” separation while she was in Tampa only seems to have strengthened their relationship, and they’re happily making all sorts of plans for the future, including Valentine’s Day.
Ugh. Have I ever mentioned that I don’t like Valentine’s Day? There’s no logical reason for this, but I have a theory. Growing up in Chicago, I was always deep in the throes of winter depression in February, and I think my brain is hardwired to think Valentine’s Day is depressing. But, guess what???…
Foxy’s birthday is Valentine’s Day! He’ll be a year old. I’m hoping this will make the day more joyful for me. I’m already planning to bake a cake in my heart-shaped pan (for the humans, not the cats). Foxy will obviously get his own treats and presents.
On a completely different topic, I’m thoroughly enjoying SHU’s book!
Here’s a curious thing though: I decided I need to do more long-term planning (looking more than one year ahead) and… I just can’t do it. There’s something in me that’s resisting it, and I can’t figure out why.
Am I worried I’ll jinx things, like if I envision my life five years in the future I’ll get hit by a truck tomorrow? Or is there something else going on? I thought I would do this planning/visioning while I was in Tampa, but somehow thinking about my life more than one year in advance makes me uneasy.
Has anyone else experienced this? Do you do any five-ten year visioning exercises? Should I just forget about it? Should I be in therapy? (probably, yes).
Tell me what you think! And, are you experiencing January blah-ness?
38 Responses
I think I know why long term planning is hard! You have a lot of unknowns with the fam – kids at major transitions points in school and life. Your running goals depend a lot on how each race along the way goes. Just a few years ago you were in Pool Running Jail and no one would have predicted that you would be rocking 50 milers now. All that you can do is sketch out what you WANT life to look like in 5-10 years. I think that you do such a great job with yearly planning that it might be good enough.
My primary goal is to be happy now, since I have a tendency to live in the future at the expense of the present. I have some lose ideas of what the future will look like – knowing myself as I do I predict that I will get tired of traveling in a few years and I have some ideas of various projects that I might be interested in then. Right now my parents are in good health, but that’s going to change at some point so I will have a season as a caretaker. None of that lines up into a neat 5-10 year plan, and I’m OK with that.
I’m a big fan of having a pet’s birthday on a holiday. Stepdog’s birthday was on Easter and Doggo’s bday is July 4th!
Yes, maybe that’s a big part of it. Things are going to change so much in 5-10 years and I can’t predict a lot of it. Or, any of it, really.
Yay to holiday pet birthdays! Muffin’s birthday is April Fool’s Day.
January is not my month. I’m realizing that all of Q1 kind of sucks for me (I’m making Q1 New Years to Spring Break, so January through March). There is just nothing fun to look forward to. I do get a week off in February (thank goodness!) but otherwise there is nothing. January is even kind of hard because my mom’s birthday is mid-month and that always stresses me out right after Christmas (present-wise). All that to say yes! I agree than January is SUPER BLAH! Just not a fun month at all.
I also struggle mightily with long term planning. I can’t even fathom what life will be like with one kid possibly not living here, let alone preparing for the second kid to leave. We’re been talking about a big trip to Hong Kong and Japan and we decided to set summer of 2028 as our goal for that trip because the 15yo will be graduation from high school and the 12yo will be “promoting” from 8th grade, so it feels like the perfect year for it. And I am SO PROUD that we just made that one plan. Truly it feels like a huge step. So yeah, the idea of planning out five or ten years is CRAZY to me. Truly. I don’t think I could do it. I wondered on my own blog if it meant I was lacking ambition. I don’t know. All I can say is I’m with you my friend!
My husband’s birthday is also in January, sigh.
Yes, Q1 doesn’t have a lot going for it. We don’t even have that week off in February. And yes- I kind of feel like I’m lacking ambition, that I don’t have any big “dreams” for my future??? But I’m starting to see that I’m not the only one who has trouble with this.
Jan blah… post holiday blah… is so normal. I expected it, I live it and KNOW it will pass.
I don’t plan too much ahead in details, I have a vision where we will do in few years, next stage of kids raising, and the rest goes around to support that.
I don’t think I’ve celebrated V day much but this year I am planning for a celebration (bought a secret gift and booked a couple massage) because I want to live through connection theme for the year.
Aw, that’s nice! My husband will be working on Valentine’s Day, so we won’t be doing much (but we don’t usually do much anyway). And you’re right- this “blah” feeling will pass, it always does.
When I was 50, I drafted a vision of what I wanted my life to look like at 60… with pictures and all (imagine stockphotos of fit 60-year-old women crossing finish lines and that sort of thing). Because I’m turning 58, it’s getting interesting to see if I’m still in line, and I have to say, it’s close. Except that I’m not learning Spanish, but French, and I’m not hosting as much as I envisioned (lazy!).
I will have to draft one of when I’m 70… but now it IS getting scary! But it’s still a good exercise, so I will have to face it.
Okay, maybe I’ll try this as an exercise- not planning exactly, but just forming a vision. I’m still scared though- I’ll report back.
I can’t plan- too many variables and I’m more of a day to day manager. I’m married to someone with big plans- lots of ideas, and I guess I let him do the long term stuff and get on with the laundry. I do feel a bit restless about it, but then there’s a kid crisis or something unexpected pops up,and I deal with today and put off tomorrow.
I think you have a lot going on, and planning for 5 years from now when you don’t know what your daughter will need or where she’ll be. How can you make any specific plan with that issue in the way? Plan what feels comfortable for you!
Yes, that’s so true- how can we plan when we don’t know what our kids will be doing. Also, I agree that the day to day life management just feels more important sometimes.
I am not good at long-term planning either. There could be a fear of failure — what if I don’t live up to my expectations? — but I also wonder if it’s just not how my brain is wired. Or maybe it’s my life experience. I’ve lived in the same city all my life, been married to the same person for going on 38 years, worked for the same law firm for over 30 years, so what’s to plan for? 🙂
For a while post-covid I struggled to even make near-term plans — like for vacations — but I am getting over that.
Yes, I think Covid scared a lot of people away from making plans! And, maybe your brain isn’t wired for big changes. It seems like you enjoy your life, so if it aint broke, don’t fix it.
I mean, I don’t think more than a year ahead either. I feel like it is tempting fate or something. Hoo boy, I just got a chilly nervous feeling just thinking about it!
I like to make a big fuss about my girlfriends on Feb 13 – Galentine’s Day! I usually host a drinks/ snacks/ chocolate thing for them around there. I don’t know how I’m going to swing it this year as I’m going to be away for a while, but I’ll do something. As my friend said to me “You don’t HAVE to do a whole big thing, we could just go out to lunch or something.” And we could! But I know I’d like to do something. I’ll figure it out, apparently just by rambling in your comment section.
I have grown to embrace Valentine’s Day as a time for all kinds of love (also with my husband! I also love him! Not just my girlfriends!). I used to bring chocolates and cookies to my yoga students around that time, and bake heart cookies for the boys. Again, probably won’t this year (I don’t HAVE students) but I’ll do something. Why not! It’s a chance to feel some red-and-pink sparkle.
Maybe Rob and I will just, in the words of Jimmy Buffett, get drunk and screw. That would also be a good Valentine’s Day!
Whew, I have got to end this comment before things devolve further.
Hahahaha. Your comments are always amusing! I think I used to get a LITTLE more into Valentine’s Day when the kids were younger, and they were giving valentines to all their classmates. I don’t think my daughter needs or expects much from me on Valentines Day anymore. Well, maybe the combo of VD and Foxy’s birthday will shake things up a little.
I was never a Valentine’s Day fan. It felt like a holiday to get people to spend money.
And I did break my foot in Boca on Valentine’s Day!!
Good news if that I’m usually in Fla with my single friends and so it’s Galantine’s Day!
Right I am still suffering from a miserable cold that won’t let up and the weather is the same. -4 this am with the wind chill.
No future plans.. If I had a crystal ball I’d stop working and travel but …. do I have enough $$$ for the rest of life?? (how long will I live??)
Ack! having a miserable cold AND -4 degrees sounds awful. And yes- it’s hard to plan for the future when there are so many unknowns (like, how many years will I live???)
At least I’ve never broken a bone on Valentine’s Day : )
It is horrifically cold here, so no – I do not like January. I don’t like February either, even though it contains my birthday month. I hate that it is dangerously cold outside most days lately. And it’s very dark and cold and there’s ICE agents all over the dang place wreaking havoc on others’ lives. So it’s very bleak here…
I do not do much long range planning. We are in an intense season of parenting so it’s hard to focus further out than the current year. I would be up for talking about post-retirement plans but Phil is not interested in that. So I will think about what life will look like but I don’t make any plans since we will have kids at home with us for the next 13-14 years so we aren’t going anywhere!
I have oddly always liked Valentine’s Day, even when I was single. I didn’t get into the commercial aspect – I just like that there was a day dedicated to love and the colors pink and red, which are among my favorite colors! I spent several Vdays with my nephews so my brother and SIL could have a date night. We’d get a heart-shaped pizza and I’d let them eat as much ice cream as they wanted. Now that I have my own kids, I try to enjoy it as a kid-focused holiday. I do think it’s kind of a lame holiday for kids these days since they aren’t allowed to bring candy to school. So they come home with a bunch of plastic junk oftentimes which annoys me! Our kids will get some sort of sweet from us to celebrate the holiday, though.
Your kids aren’t allowed to bring candy to school? I wonder if our schools have that policy. I know when my kids were little they got SO MUCH candy on Valentine’s day that it annoyed me. Not sure which is worse, excessive candy or plastic junk. I agree the holiday is fun for kids though.
I’m kind of envious that you have the next 13-14 years planned out, more or less (taking care of kids). i miss those days, and maybe one of the reasons planning for the future scares me is because I’m leaving that beloved phase behind.
I am very Meh about Valentine’s Day and don’t really feel much of anything. My husband seems to usually be away on work trips and when the kids were little I made things special (pancakes in the shape of hearts and little gifts), but now I don’t do much of anything and I’m… fine with that!
I don’t have much desire to long-term plan. I think some of that comes from me not having a “big” career or any sorts but also… it just doesn’t appeal to me. Like I have zero interest in thinking through where I’ll be 10 years from now.
I really dislike January. Most of the winter months, if I’m being honest. It’s just so cold and depressing here, Jenny. I think I will need to snowbird once my husband retires!
Yes, there’s a 10-year plan for you- find a place other than Canada to spend your winters!
I think I’m maybe in the minority, compared to your commenters today, that I really don’t mind January! I mean, yes, it’s terribly cold and weather is yucky here and it’s dark. But I have been reflecting on our rhythms (planning to post about this, actually!), and I have realized that we/ I have VERY busy seasons in the fall and through the holidays- soccer, swim, back to school and I do the holidays up pretty big. I decorate for fall, Halloween (indoor AND outdoor), I host Thanksgiving, I decorate a ton for Christmas (indoor, outdoor AND the basement omg!) and we do a lot in terms of gifts, cookies, traditions, and I often host. There is SO MUCH EXTRA in my life between ~Oct- end of December. Also, I have reflected on the fact that in the summer we often travel at least once AND we frequently have family visits (often extended visits). So, for me, January-February (and often all the way through ~April/ early May) are actually my more “down” months- in a good way. I tend to have more open space, more time to focus on goals and habits and household tasks etc. I think some people feel down that there is nothing fun to look forward to or it seems blah, but to me, after that Oct- Dec season, I am like whoa nelly I am ready for a break. This is why I actually do not like Valentine’s Day really at all. IMO it comes too close on the heels of Christmas (I have still not put all my Christmas stuff away yet!). I literally JUST put all my Christmas gifts away this weekend. Like, no, I don’t want to buy a gift for ANYONE right now, nor do I need to receive one. I don’t want to do any extra holiday things, I just went through holiday overload for the last ~3 months!! haha.
About long range planning, same! I have a sort of mental block if I go too far out, and I get that creepy feeling Nicole described. I got uneasy thinking ahead to Ethan’s graduation trip (hypothetical yet, at this point), as I debated if we should bring my parents or go with just us. Then I thought omg my parents are already 75, what if God forbid one of them isn’t HERE anymore in summer of 2027?? Cue panicky feelings (and tears)…. Yeah, no. Not going there. I also have no bandwidth to even think about what life will be like once the boys graduate high school. I have no idea where they’ll be, which I feel like makes it impossible to even envision.
Your perspective on January is interesting, and makes a lot of sense. And I can see how Valentine’s Day would feel like an intrusion- get away from me, Holiday! I don’t need you right now. I agree that November/December felt almost overwhelmingly busy. I had a brief week where I felt a bit of relief (between Christmas and New Years) but then that passed and I just felt blah. I’m going to try to lean into your perspective though.
Reading all these comments is helping me understand why looking too far in the future makes me uncomfortable. There’s some scary stuff out there.
Oh boy, I just realized how much I missed during my online hiatus.
I don’t mind January. With the new year starting everything feels like there are new possibilities (even though most of the time it’s all the old routines).
I don’t like planning so far in advance. I feel like I could jinx it and the pandemic threw almost everyone a curve ball in the planning department. There were some pretty big changes in my life so far including moving to the US what I would never have considered on my own. Some plans are good but for the most part I like to be surprised. Also, having a partner who does not like to plan anything, does not help the cause.
Hi Meike! Yes that’s another thing- I think people are leery of planning too much after experiencing the pandemic. My husband also does not like to plan, although he wouldn’t come right out and say that. He would just look at my blankly if I told him we were going to make a 10 year plan.
I feel like the kind of long term planning that is 5 years out is so theoretical, you know? Like what kind of concrete planning can you do? Or is it just in the realm of making a bucket list? I did make myself a spreadsheet of what year of school each kid would be in from now until the youngest graduates from high school. That was pretty sobering – mostly because I think there is only three years in the next fifteen when I have two kids at the same school.
I don’t plan more than a year out for concrete things – it’s tough because – and maybe you can relate, maybe not? – as a gig worker, I don’t know what my contract dates are more than a year out. Often less. I mean last week, I just got a contract to work on show this May. So I avoid planning too many concrete things because I don’t want to have to turn down work because I booked a vacation or something.
But maybe it’s good to think about what could possibly happen in 5, 10, 15 years, and to think of it in context of the other people in my life. Like my oldest wants to go to Australia, and if we want to make that happen, we need to start saving up money now.
But also – I kind of like my life right now. I don’t like thinking about it being anything else.
That’s a great point- maybe we just need to lean into the lives we have right now. The future is SO unknown, and I can see how that would be especially true with the kind of work you do. Maybe a bucket list would be a better idea than actual “planning.”
I am still kinda soaking in my post-race bliss after my 60K on Saturday, even though I’m back to work today (ugh, but at least it’s a 3 day week for me), so January is still ok but it’s never my favorite month. My dog’s 12th birthday is the last weekend of January though so I’m excited to celebrate that! I hope you have fun planning Foxy’s birthday celebrations! I’m sure he’ll get lots of goodies.
I also struggle with long-term planning, like how am I supposed to know what my life is gonna look like in 5 years, especially with how things in this country are going right now…I just don’t want to jinx anything!
Soak in all the bliss! Maybe it’s better to just live in the moment. I agree that thinking about the direction our country is going in is another reason to be afraid of planning too far in advance.
I do not plan that far out in advance either. I think Birchie is probably right . . . our kids’ ages don’t really lean into much major planning. We’ll celebrate our 30th anniversary Aug 10th. It’d be fun to take the whole fam damily to Hawaii or something, right? Maybe not in August, maybe over a holiday, maybe for Christmas seeing as I won’t be celebrating with my fam of origin again. Yeah, I just can’t plan that far in advance. I don’t think I mind January. I hate the cold for sure, but I don’t mind getting back to a routine. Plus I do all the everything for Christmas, so I’m sort of exhausted and glad to be done shopping, returning (If I’m lucky), baking, mailing, etc.
Yes, I do all of Christmas as well, and as much as I miss it, it is a little relief to be done. Major kudos to you for appreciating January with the weather you have!!! I couldn’t take it, which is why I live in Florida.
I think Christmas in Hawaii would be a nice switch from the family drama you had this past Christmas!
I have trouble planning more than two weeks out, to be honest. Five to ten years? Blech. I could be dead by then.
Hahaha… but it’s TRUE! How are we supposed to know… that’s why it’s scary.
I’ve never been a fan of Valentine’s Day. I feel like it’s just one of those days that’s set up to disappoint you, lol. Although my best friend and I usually do something fun together!
I have trouble thinking so far ahead, too. I have written letters to future self (I need to figure out the last time I wrote one; it may be time to update it!) and I think that’s a fun way to think about the future. Maybe thinking more of how you want to feel in five years – less of concrete goals or what you want your life to look like. I also think Birchie is right on the money that there is so much change happening in your life over the next few years, so it may just be too difficult to think that far ahead!
Hmm! A letter to my future self might be fun. You’re right, I should switch it up and think about it a different way, instead of trying to “plan.”
Jenny, I didn’t realize until you articulated it that I’ve never made long-term plans for myself either!
Yeah, it does freak me out too–it feels like tempting fate or something!
General plans though like–live healthy, have good relationships, have fun, make art–that kind of thing seems ok?
As so many others, I also have trouble planning too far ahead. I often can’t even think a year ahead, let alone five. I mean, I appreciate the thought exercise because sometimes big goals take time and won’t be accomplished in a few months’ time and planning ahead is “necessary”, but I think that just applies rarely. Most planning always happens in a shorter time frame (at least for me).
Oh god I don’t want to think about my life 20 years from now, thank you very much!! Actually I found out my husband can’t plan more than one year ahead at the moment. He’s going through a LOT and having left his job in October, with his last pay cheque in December (they got spooked by his sick note so were generous), he promised me he’d maintain our ratio of payments into the joint account we pay all the bills from for a year, for 2026. I then started grimly planning for my part to go up by over £100 a month after then, only to find out he hopes to keep the balance in his favour (or not, as he pays more than me!) after that, but didn’t have a plan in place so didn’t think to tell me!