One week down, six more to go! That is- I’ve finished a week of this diet, and have six weeks until my trip. At that point I’ll reassess the situation and decide if I’m going to attempt to stay on it while I travel, or loosen some of the restrictions. I don’t think I’ll be “done” at that point, but six weeks is a good mini-goal.
Suzanne made an interesting comment on one of my posts- she said that the diet sounds challenging, but challenging things can be fun. And, she’s right! There is something fun about figuring out what I can eat, what works well and what doesn’t, and as an added bonus, it’s giving me some interesting things to think about. For example…
I’ve noticed that when I want something I can’t have- let’s say black tea, or peanut butter, or fruit- it’s temporary. I’ll wish I could have it, have a short moment of sadness that I can’t, and then I pretty much forget all about it. But- this is only true because I’m abstaining completely.
Here’s what happens if I’m trying to eat something in moderation: “I really want potato chips. No, I can’t have them- I’m only having them three times a week. I had some yesterday. If I don’t have them now, I can have some tomorrow. But maybe I won’t want them tomorrow! I could have them today, and then not for the next two days. But wait, maybe I’ll want some on Saturday…”
Exhausting, isn’t it? I can literally go on and on like that FOREVER, or until I get tired of thinking about it and just eat the damn chips already. After a while I don’t have the energy for the whole rigamarole, and eat chips every day. In this situation, I embrace Oscar Wilde’s observation that the only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
Abstaining means deciding once, so I don’t have to decide every single day, over and over again. My mind is actually so much calmer now. It’s a relief not to have that internal debate constantly over what to eat.
In that way, this is the easy part of the diet. The hard part will be when I’m thrown back into the world of decisions- that’s the part I messed up last time. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life on such a restricted diet, but I also don’t trust myself to make the right decision every single time. Is there a way to be a moderate abstainer?
Weirdly, the only thing I can consume in moderation is alcohol. I LOVE a good IPA. I love going out with friends and having a beer. But then, I don’t want one again for a long time. I know if I had beer every day it wouldn’t be good for me, and I wouldn’t feel good. So why can’t I do that with food???
Sigh. Has anyone successfully changed from being an abstainer to a moderator? Is it possible? How is it done? How am I supposed to abstain for the rest of my life?????
Top photo by James Smith on Unsplash
30 Responses
Hmm. I am also an abstainer. For the same reasons you are. I can say no and navigate the sad moment and move on. I struggle a lot more with “I’ll just have a couple.” I guess one way I’ve found to manage that is saying that I don’t eat certain things during the week. Like I don’t snack at all on the week night evenings (Sun-Thurs) but let myself have junkie foods on the weekend nights. Same with drinking. I have a drink most Friday and Saturday nights but almost never during the week (and NEVER if I’m working the next morning). So I guess I create rules that my abstainer mind can manage but that might look like moderation to someone else? I don’t know. It had worked pretty well for me, but it’s certainly not perfect.
Yes, I’m thinking I need to do something like this. Make some kind of “abstainer” rules, that will still allow me to have treats sometimes. I’ll have to figure it out! Thanks for the comment- it gives me hope that it can be done.
I don’t have a magic transformation story. But I really enjoyed reading your explanation of why it’s easier to abstain. It makes so much sense to see it written out like that! I can abstain if the package is unopened, but all bets are off if someone else has already opened it!
With me, I can abstain if I don’t even start, but if I have one then forget it- I’ll eat the whole package.
Jenny, you are nailing this – one week down and a mini-goal in sight!
I love that you’re not just surviving the diet but using it as a kind of mental spring cleaning. That inner peace from abstaining is so real. The whole “eat chips three times a week” debate sounds exactly like the way my brain short-circuits when I try to moderate. Just the other day my “handful of peanuts” became half the bag. It’s exhausting.
And yes to what Suzanne said – challenging can be fun. You’ve got this, Jenny!
Thank you so much Catrina! I like that- it’s a mental as well as physical spring cleaning.
Suzanne is right – it is fun to read about your journey.
I lost 50 pounds when I was in college, and moderation was the only option. I was living at home and my personal chef (mom) wasn’t taking special orders for family dinner so I had no control over what was being served. My only option was to eat less of it. Once I became a Real Adult living on my own, I of course tried a few abstainer type eating plans, but there wasn’t a “why” for any of them and no positive result. I heard that dairy was bad so I eliminated it and achieved no benefit other than learning that I prefer tea without milk. I flirted with vegetarianism which was a lot harder to pull off in the 90s so I found myself eating less than ideal meals and not feeling great. Fast forward to a few years ago when I worked with a sports dietitian to improve my running and found myself eating a lot of complex carbs that made me sick and did not give me that magic extra energy.
Long story short, the only eating plan that works for me is a modified see-food diet – I see it, I eat it but hopefully not too much. I love my potato chips, but not every day. For me to be an abstainer, there would have to be that magic “why” and a positive result. You’ve got both of those going for you.
I guess the bottom line is, everyone is different and you have to figure out what works for you. It can take some trial and error, but it sounds like you’ve found a healthy balance and are happy with it.
Um, I’m hijacking Birchie’s post to steal her last lines:
“Long story short, the only eating plan that works for me is a modified see-food diet – I see it, I eat it but hopefully not too much. I love my potato chips, but not every day. For me to be an abstainer, there would have to be that magic “why” and a positive result. You’ve got both of those going for you.”
THIS IS ME TO THE LETTER. I struggled with disordered eating for years. I tried very restrictive diets, would binge (or fast) and it was so unhealthy for me. I’ve learned it’s better for my body to be “bigger” and moderate. Strangely, I find moderating easier in the long term, but only since I’ve switched to intuitive eating. I try to eat what I want when I’m hungry and even though I never believed that would work for me, it has! I know I’ve talked about it before, but The F*ck It Diet changed my life.
What you’re doing is very different in my mind – you’re eating to improve your health, not for weight/image and not with a view of punishing yourself by withholding certain foods. So I think this is all wonderful for you, Jenny, and if anyone would stick to it, it would be you! Those ultra races have made you one incredibly strong woman.
This diet definitely has a positive spin on it, which is- these foods are healthy and are going to help me heal and feel good. The foods I’m not “allowed” to eat aren’t BAD in any way- as a matter of fact a lot of them are healthy, just not in this context.
You and Birchie are definitely shining examples of successful moderation! I’m wondering if that can be learned? More thoughts on this coming up…
I’m glad your mind is calmer, Jenny. I hope you find peace through this process.
As I’ve said to you before, I have done that kind of mental math around food for basically most of my life – not anymore, but I wasted decades thinking “if I have x then I give up y then omg what about z” and it is, like you say, exhausting. It’s so mentally unhealthy for me, and I would submit it’s mentally unhealthy for anyone. I used to not buy chips because I would just eat the whole bag. But these days, I will occasionally buy chips – if we are having a party, say – and maybe I’ll have a few, maybe I won’t. So I guess I have made that leap. The key for me is not being hungry. If I’m hungry, I eat something. The thinnest I have ever been was in 2019, right before I had a terrible hip injury that sidelined me for months. When I look back at photos I think OMG I WAS SO THIN. And I remember being hungry a lot and not fueled. Idk, I just keep a lot of yummy nutritious food in the house and when I’m hungry, I eat it. Then it doesn’t lead to this obsession with food and what I can’t have because I’m not hungry. I don’t know if this comment makes any sense, but maybe it will help you? I just know what it is to do that constant math and it’s so tiring and sad, so I hope this diet leads to the mental peace and also physical results that you want. xo
Thank you Nicole1 Right now I definitely have mental peace AND I feel better physically already. I agree that being hungry is a danger area. I’m wondering if, in a couple years when both kids are out of the house, I can JUST NOT BUY any of the triggering foods. Like, chips and pretzels will not cross my threshold. But then there’s my husband… I don’t know, I feel like there’s an answer here, somewhere.
This is so fascinating as someone who isn’t an abstainer, and makes a lot of sense! I know that if I tell myself I can’t have something, it spirals into being overly restrictive and bad for my mental health. But the way moderation usually works for me is I buy something, say cookies at the store, I have one maybe every day until the package is gone, and then I don’t buy any more for several months. So one week I might be on a kick for a certain food but I get over it quickly and move onto something else!
Oooookay. You can buy a package of cookies and just eat one??? You are a shining example of a moderator. I could never, ever do that. And I can see why, being a successful moderator, abstaining would NOT work for you.
Dear Jenny, I’ve been reading your blog for a while and never commented but I saw this story on NPR about an ultra runner who is breastfeeding her baby during rest breaks and immediately thought of you.
https://www.npr.org/2025/05/30/nx-s1-5415640/ultramarathon-stephanie-case-new-mom-breastfeeding-100k-race
Oh my gosh- this woman was running a 100k and was breastfeeding at the breaks- that is next level. Thanks for commenting!
I’m a fellow abstainer, too. It’s easier to decide once and abstain from something versus relying on my monkey brain to moderate. I consider myself to be a disciplined person with self control. And yet, I would tell myself on a work trip that I would just have one glass of wine each night. But after the first one I would talk myself into having a second. So even trying to set boundaries ahead of time did not help. I wish my husband was less of a moderator because he will take forever to eat something that is tempting. I bought ice cream from a local ice cream shop for my MIL for her bday and got a pint of a kind Phil and I like. I had one bowl and said he could have the rest. Then days when by and he did not eat any of it, so I had a bit more and left a very small portion for him. Then he complained about how little he got and I was like – DUDE JUST EAT THE FREAKING ICE CREAM SHORTLY AFTER IT COMES INTO OUR HOUSE! Gah.
So yes, it’s complicated to say the least.
Ha, yes I’m sure moderators can’t understand us. That’s partly why i wrote this post, so they can see what it’s like!
You have to have a lot of willpower to an abstainer.
My hubby has none… If I have cookies in the house, he’ll eat the whole box and the same with ice cream.
I’m not that bad. I can control myself.
I hope I never have to abstain. Certain foods and drinks make me happy – like coffee, alcohol, pizza, ice cream… Abstaining would make me miserable. Obviously if it were life or death, I’d do it.
For me, it takes more willpower to eat things in moderation! I can’t just have one bite, I want the whole thing (and then more and more.) If I just abstain, I don’t need willpower. At least that’s the way I see it.
You’ve posed an interesting train of thought with this! I think I have will power, but I’m also good at rationalizing every time I make an “allowance” to any plan of abstinence. Currently, I’m trying to cut my sugar intake, and that’s a challenging battle. I like potato chips, but don’t usually have them on hand. Even if I did, they wouldn’t be much of a temptation. But stash some cookies or brownies in the pantry and it’s a different scenario. It’s tough figuring out what works ideally for each of us, short-term and long-term.
Yes, and I think sugar is especially tricky because it can be physically addictive. It doesn’t affect some people that way, but it does me. SIGH.
It’s kind of like wearing the same thing every day, in a way- you decide and then live with the choice and don’t have to think about it again. Or even social media for me- I’m not good at moderating my screen time so I quite social media entirely.
I think there’s something to your point about the mental energy- if you are spending your energy trying to figure out if you can have the chips today, that is mental energy you are not spending to keep your resolve. Like it’s a little self sabatoging.
I do think I’m an abstainer and not a moderator. It drives my Husband nuts because I’ve had a bag of my favorite chips sitting in the pantry for two years now. I know if I open it up, I’ll eat the whole thing in one sitting, so I just don’t open.
Yes, you definitely sound like an abstainer! Like you said, it takes a tremendous amount of mental energy for me to try and moderate things. And- by the way I do tend to wear the same things over and over again! : )
I’m definitely a moderator but do kind of do some of what Noemi says, which is to say I have adopted some “rules” that work for me, like only drinking alcohol (and only 1 glass) when out to dinner or at a social event, not generally eating bday cake at parties (honestly i don’t even like it). I tend to have “ice cream fridays” though and we keep a ton of treats in our freezer so they are available (like right now i think we have: cookies, Klondike bars that were on sale, random containers of ice cream that have been there since the fall bc they are apple pie flavored, etc), but generally I’m not tempted to have them unless it’s Friday, would rather keep it a novelty.
If you told me I could never have my favorite things again I would be soooooooooooooo sad so I guess learning to figure out how to moderate has been worth it for me! That said, I cannot moderate social media (but I’m also not very sad to give it up, so it works out!)
I hope I can learn to moderate with food. Maybe some things will always be off limits, but others I can successfully have in moderation? Maybe if I set rules like you have- I would just have to follow them and not make any sneaky exceptions, ha.
I guess I am an abstainer. I have struggled with IBS my whole adult life and have learned what foods trigger my symptoms and what I can eat. Things change, though–last week I was caught off guard–but for the most part, I have it under control. It’s hard to explain to people who don’t have issues with foods and GI symptoms. I often wonder if I didn’t run, would I have so many GI issues?
Well- I’ve had the same thought, but then I’ve had periods where I didn’t run because of injury, and my issues didn’t resolve. Also… yes, it’s easy to abstain if you KNOW something is going to make you sick. I wish I were one of those people who didn’t have issues with food!
Good start, Jenny! I 100% hear you on abstaining versus moderating. Maybe as you work toward moderating you can allow yourself chips on Saturdays only or something like that?
Yes, the mental gymnastics of deciding if/when to have a certain food is exhausting! For me, it just helps to not have it in the house at all. Dr. Pepper is my vice and while I would buy the small, 7.5-ounce cans and tell myself I could only have one a day, I would find reasons to have more than one a day. (And sometimes the reason is just, “IT’S FRIDAY!”) Now, I don’t ever buy Dr. Pepper to keep at home but do allow myself to pick up a bottle if I’m not at home (or order at a restaurant). But I also do a check-in with myself before, “Do I really want Dr. Pepper?” And sometimes I abstain. But I can also have chips, ice cream, chocolate in my house and I’m not tempted by it. I’ll have a few chocolates with lunch and that’s all! So definitely mostly a moderator.