Yep- it happened. The day after the wedding (Sunday) was a long travel day, and we arrived home in the evening, exhausted but happy to see the cats! Monday I had to work- I was running on fumes, but still riding a high from the weekend. Tuesday I finally had a day off, and it all came crashing down… it’s over.
Initially I thought I would have some sadness over the fact that Paul is now officially an adult with his own home and family, apart from us. Yes, there will always be that sadness- the separation that started when he went to college, and progressed through the years- but like the loss of my parents, it’s a sadness that’s woven into my overall happy life.
I can’t be too sad though, because I can tell that Isabel really, really loves him. What more could I ever hope for? We’ll never stop worrying about our kids, but knowing that he’s gone to someone who truly plans to love and cherish him, forever, makes me worry much, much less.
No, my current sadness is just a post-event letdown. The days leading up to the wedding were incredibly full. Isabel’s family did almost everything themselves for this wedding, from turning their friends’ backyard into an incredible reception venue, to making all the floral arrangements (bouquets, corsages, boutonnieres, and flowers for the church) to making the cake… so when I got there I was immediately thrown into the activity. I steamed tablecloths, stapled programs, ran to the store, carried chairs- and I loved every single minute of it.
All the events were incredibly special- the bridal shower, the rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner, and then the wedding itself was a beautiful, perfect day- I can’t think of one thing I would change. It’s so hard to have everything end. It’s like my post-Christmas depression, but the difference is, Christmas will come again! Every year! This event will never happen again. Sob.
I know I just have to get through this lull. And I tell myself that this specific event will never come again, but there will be others. A year ago I didn’t imagine I would be having this experience, so there are other experiences waiting for me that I can’t imagine yet.
Keeping this post on a melancholy tone, here’s two sucky things that happened while we were gone. A few years ago I wrote about our pet rats, and- who knew?- not everyone likes rodents, so I haven’t mentioned them again. But we’ve had them ever since… until this past weekend. One of them died while we were gone. It wasn’t unexpected- she was old and we knew she was slowing down. I just felt so, so terrible for our petsitter! This poor girl- a friend of my daughter’s- found Lucy when she came on Thursday. She was very upset and didn’t want to bother me, but texted me asking what she should do. I told her that unfortunately Lucy had to be taken out of the cage, and after that she could do whatever was easiest for her.
She and her dad decided that Lucy was a pet, and therefore should be buried. They came over with a shovel and buried her in the backyard, and put a brick over her to mark the spot. I was so touched by that, and I also felt so bad this happened while we were gone! Yes, I paid her handsomely and am giving her a bonus gift. Hopefully she’ll still come feed our animals when we go away!
The second thing is, the water heater decided this would be the perfect time to die. Well, it still worked, but I came home to a small flood in the garage. Of course, my husband stayed in Chicago to spend a couple extra days with his sister, so I had to deal with it on my own. I had a vague idea that we owned a wet vac, but I’ve never used it. I really didn’t want to text my husband, “Hey there! Hope you’re having a great time! No special reason for asking, but where do we keep the wet vac?” I managed to find it and suck up the water, but of course that was only a temporary fix.
Anyway! My husband is home now! I hear him out in the garage, grumbling and cursing, a serviceperson is on the way, and we have no hot water. Fun!
As usual… onward!
Do you get post-event letdowns? What do you do about it?
Top photo by Vita Leonis on Unsplash
23 Responses
I think you have to live a little with that grief but keep busy with moving on. The let down feeling will recede. Didn’t this happen after your sixty mile race as well?
Look at the pictures and remember the happy moments too. ( they are such a cute couple!)
So sorry about the rat. Props to the pet sitter for handling it with grace. Every time we sit my daughter’s geriatric cat (19+ yrs), we’re checking her for breathing and hoping she doesn’t pass with us. ( she’s the energizer bunny though and simply purrs, sleeps, and creaking meows for food and pats.)
And appliances know when you’re out of town a n d maliciously break then. I hope the repair goes smoothly!
Yes, I like that- live with the grief but keep busy. Luckily going to work and dealing with a flood in the house (ARG!) kept me plenty busy. The water heater has now been replaced and all is well with that, at least.
I felt really apprehensive leaving the petsitter with two elderly rats, but didn’t have much choice, Besides, what were the odds…? Ha.
I totally get the letdown feeling too, I always feel it after the holidays as well. I’m kind of going through it now, as my birthday was on Monday and I’ve been off work since Friday and spent a few days up north to run trails and just enjoy the cooler temps and the pines, but I have to go back to work tomorrow and I’m bummed about that. I don’t have another long weekend planned until Labor Day which feels like a long way off even though it’s only about a month but I’m sad that the fun extra long weekend is almost over! The one thing making it easier is I should be able to wfh because we’re still in the process of moving offices so at least I have that.
I’m sorry about the broken water heater, hopefully that’s a quick fix! My parents had their upstairs A/C unit die last week and it wasn’t able to be fixed until Monday, and of course, we’re in the middle of a heat wave with temps in the 110s! So sleeping upstairs was a no-go but luckily my mom and I were out of town for the weekend and only had to deal with it for a couple of days. But it’s always something!
Yes, it is ALWAYS something!!! The water heater has been replaced, phew.
I know exactly what you mean (and happy belated birthday by the way!) It doesn’t have to be a huge occasion to cause a letdown afterwards. Just a special weekend- and yours sounds really, really nice- can cause me to be slightly depressed afterwards. I don’t know the solution, other than to keep plugging along. Labor Day really isn’t that far away!
Oh Jenny, I wondered if you would have these feelings, I know you have a lot of sadness after happy events. I hope that you start to feel better soon. Sending you a big giant hug!
Also so sorry about Lucy! That must have been a shock for the petsitter. How kind of them to do a burial and all.
OH NO on the water heater, what a pain and why must these things happen when you’re not at home? Argh!
Thank you Nicole! I feel the hug coming through the internet : )
Jenny, you know I am right there with you. We feel things in big ways and both really struggle with the feeling of letdown and “it’s all over” and “it will never be this good again” sort of thinking. I think we both know that the only “fix” is time, but it is rough for a while. I wish I could take you out for tea and hear all about the wedding AND the feelings. I think sometimes it’s hard to express these sorts of feelings after a happy event, too (like Christmas or a wedding). There is also a frustration over feeling this way since things are objectively good. But it is just how certain people (you and I included) are wired!
I’m so sorry to hear about the passing of your pet, but it did warm my heart they buried it in the back yard.
And why must something always be breaking inside homes? Something is constantly needing to be repaired; and it’s usually expensive and inconvenient.
Hugs and I hope everything goes smoothly with the water heater repair.
Yes, I know you understand! It’s interesting that some people don’t feel it. My husband isn’t sad- he’s just happy that everything went well, and is enjoying looking at the pictures. How does he do that???????
So sorry about your rat! It’s hard to lose a pet even when it’s not unexpected. The fact that the (young I’m assuming from your description) pet sitter had to deal reminded me of when I was 11. My next door neighbour hired my sisters (8 and 14) and I to watch their two cats tor two or three weeks. Our neighbour introduced us to the one cat by saying “This is Ashely. She’s my baby and I love her so much. She’s 20 and she’s been through so much with me. I just love her. By the way if she dies while we’re away please put her body in the freezer.” THANK GOODNESS Ashley didn’t die on our watch.
Oh Maria, that’s a funny story. I mean the way she put it… I’m VERY GLAD for your sake that you didn’t have to put her beloved cat in the freezer!
I love how you describe the love your son receives from someone else, so beautiful. I think that’s the biggest hope for any parents, that someone else will love our kids when we are gone.
I didn’t know you had pet rat! how do the cats react to it? I’d be curious to know. do they play with her? and sorry for the loss.
Ha! The cats would have LOVED to “play” with the rats, but they were not allowed. We also have guinea pigs, and cats and guinea pigs get along really well- sometimes Foxy gets in their cage and just sits there with them (once we caught him taking a nap in their cage).
Jenny, I’ve been thinking about you since I remember that you miss Christmas, too when it’s over. I don’t really get let downs… mayyyybe a little with our travels but I am also so excited to get home. SO excited. To see my house, feel the warm New Jersey air, inhale the exhaust of cars lol kidding, kind of. See my friends at the YMCA. Have my kids see their rooms. Eat home cooked meals again. See Tony! Sleep in my own bed. Clean my house :)) Go swimming. Italy was beautiful – of course – but still it’s not home.
I hope you feel better soon! Hugs.
Thank you Daria!!! Okay, I’ll admit it is nice to get home. Or, it would have been if we hadn’t had to deal with a flood in the garage. Also- while I’m sure you loved Italy, traveling with kids is exhausting, so I’m sure you’re happy to get home and relax a little.
The post event letdown is real. I say take a moment to feel your feels, and then on toward making every day count, starting with today. So easy to say, quite a different thing to do.
RIP Lucy, and bravo to your pet sitter and her dad. Well played, water heater!
Ah… thanks for the reminder. Yes, every day counts- including today.
Did Isabel have a different dress for her reception? Well, that is an obvious question because clearly it’s different. now I’m wondering if her ceremony dress was her mom’s? It was quite different! My friend did that – mom’s dress for ceremony (which was a wedding dress from the 70s so very clearly her mom’s dress) and a different dress for the reception!
I kind of figured you’d be prone to this post-event sadness. It’s a lot of build up and it’s a once in a lifetime kind of moment. I hope you can find the “next thing” to focus on. Before we know it, fall will be here! And then Christmas! Hang in there, friend!
Oof, this is hard I sometimes have a little dip in my emotional state after a big event, but usually it helps to focus on all the highlights. I’ve not married off a child though so my experience is limited to parties and tailgates and graduations or grad parties. I cannot believe the lousy timing of your beloved pet rat. Your ooor sitter. What a sweet thing to do- to bury him for you. You are a great woman to not ask where the wet vac was or how to use it. Well done there. I’m behind on reading and hoping you have hot water by now.
Sorry about the sad times and the poor rat. We used to pet sit for our neighbours’ ancient, unwell guinea pigs and we had a pre-agreed protocol we would wrap it up in a tea towel and put it in their freezer! Thankfully it didn’t happen on our watch …
I’m sure you will bob up again and you are clearly happy your boy is in safe hands. The wedding and surrounding events sound wonderful.
Oh, I’m so sorry about Lucy! I love that the pet sitter and her dad buried Lucy, that is so sweet and kind.
I’m sorry you’re feeling blue. I know this is common for you, so probably not a surprise to be going through it. For me, when I have a big event, I’m usually relieved to be back to my normal life and spend time enjoying memories of the event.
I’m SO GLAD that you had such an amazing time, and that there was nothing you would change. I would change several things about my wedding day (snapping at my mom, not having food for my sisters and mom to eat for breakfast, that kind of thing). Overall it was a wonderful day, but if I could do it over I would do a few things differently…
Yes, yes, we knew this would happen, but I think you are doing everything you need to do to work through the post-event depression. I’m glad you had such a lovely time at the wedding (and all of the festivities beforehand!) and now it’s back to business as usual, wahhh.
My mom’s water heater broke this week! It was from 2003 so it had a very long life. But whew, homeowner’s woes are not for the faint of heart!
Yes, it’s true that this wedding won’t be repeated every year like Christmas, but hopefully someday there will be grandchildren and then you’ll have their birthdays to celebrate year after year!
Ugh on the leaky water heater. Ours did that and totally flooded the gym (years ago). Glad yours was in the garage and was hopefully easier to clean up. Was it fixable or did you have to replace it?