Thanks for all the very kind comments on yesterday’s post! You know how long-winded I can be when I do a race recap, so get ready for all the details! I’m breaking it up into parts so I don’t have a 5000 word post.
A while back, a blogger (I think it was Elisabeth?) talked about having a good, cathartic cry, and I realized- I don’t really cry when I’m sad. Or, I don’t like to. It doesn’t help me, just leaves me feeling more sad and depleted. But I’m a HUGE crybaby when it comes to events like weddings and graduations. So I was worried I would cry way too much at this wedding. I know tears are expected at weddings, but I didn’t want to sob uncontrollably from start to finish. Leading up to the day, every time I even thought about the wedding my eyes would well up with tears, and I came up with a trick. Every time I started to get emotional, I would think “algebra, algebra!” and it somehow calmed me down.
I know it sounds weird, but it WORKS. A couple days before the wedding I was telling my sister and BIL about this trick, and my BIL called it my “weeping safe word.” I encourage everyone to try it! Your weeping safe word doesn’t have to be algebra (obviously) but any neutral or silly word that works for you.
Day of the wedding! The way they did the processional was- first, groom and mom. Then, bride’s dad escorted her mom, then bridesmaids etc. So Paul and I were leading the processional. Gulp!
At the church, the groomsmen waited in one room, while Isabel, the bridesmaids and the moms waited in another. All week, Isabel had been incredibly composed- unlike me, she is not a cryer. The girls put the finishing touches on their hair and makeup and with about five minutes to go, we noticed Isabel had a funny look on her face. Her mom said “Are you okay?” and Isabel burst into tears. It was astonishing, and also incredibly touching. Her mom swooped over to her, and I remembered that for all of their maturity, Paul and Isabel are still so young. They’re not even finished with college! At that moment, someone came in and said “Paul is looking for his mom. I think he’s nervous.” (They still need us!)
I went out to stand with Paul, We talked through our part of the processional (walk in, not too fast, stop, hug, Paul steps back so I can sit, Paul moves up to the front). Then it was time to line up.
Waiting to start, I wasn’t scared or overly emotional. I was a little nervous, but mostly excited and PROUD. I was proud of Paul and proud to be walking in with him on his wedding day. I was doing great! AND THEN…
Paul turned to me and said “I wish Grandma and Grandpa were here.” PAUL. Why would you say that right now??? I totally lost it. We were less than a minute away from starting and tears were running down my face and my nose was running. Paul had been apprised of my weeping safe word and said “Algebra! Algebra! Geometry! Trigonometry! CALCULUS!!!” We both started to laugh, and I was able to compose myself and wipe away the tears (and snot) just as they motioned us forward to begin.
I made it through the processional just fine, and then… well, everyone cries during the ceremony. That’s why they place a box of tissues on each pew! Someone captured a photo of Paul and Isabel in the recessional…
And here is one of the worst photos ever taken of our family. Unfortunately I have to blur out my daughter’s face (at her insistence) but just imagine someone with dark, dramatic eye makeup, giving me the angry side eye. It is HILARIOUS.
I can’t decide if I’m excited or scared to see the professional photos.
Link Up With Tuesday Topics
Welcome back to Tuesday Topics, as Jenny, from Runners Fly joins Jenn at Runs With Pugs to co-host this link-up! Please join us every week for a new topic! Write on our weekly prompt or choose your own topic! Make sure to add your post to the link up, link back to your hosts, and comment on the other shared posts!
Do you have any tricks you use to keep yourself from crying?
Top photo by Ed Leszczynskl on Unsplash
30 Responses
Math terms as safe words? Glad you don’t find math depressing or scary . ( math teacher here!)
Sounds like a beautiful start of a special day. Tissues in the pews- someone definitely planned things well!
Oh, teenage girls! I have a number of family pictures with certain daughters looking like stone or glaring while everyone else is smiling. They grow out of it, mostly…maybe…Sigh .
At least you look great!
The funny thing is, I don’t like math! I have no idea why algebra came into my mind- maybe because the word has no significance to me now (I mean- who thinks about algebra as an adult???)
I’ll have to try that with “Algebra”, Jenny! Brilliant idea!
I absolutely LOVE that photo of the couple walking down the aisle after the wedding vows. Genuinely and truly happy – exactly like a young couple should be.
And your daughter’s side-eye must be HILARIOUS!! Oh my goodness, in a few years she will look back at this moment and laugh her head off. 😂
Um, maaaybe. Or she might look back and still be complaining about the same things she complained about on the day of the wedding!
CALCULUS! That’s hilarious! I love that pic of them walking back down the aisle, esp how happy the celebrant looks! And your dress is gorgeous.
Yes, AND, the celebrant is also Isabel’s father! No wonder he looks happy. Thanks for your kind words : )
I love that you have a weeping safe word, and I love that Paul was able to get you both laughing with the safe word plus! What a sweet story. Paul and his wife are so beautiful and look so very happy! And I love the photo of your family — you all look great. If that’s the worst photo ever, then you are going to be well pleased with the good ones!
Ha, well you’re not seeing the expression on my daughter’s face. It’s still so weird to me to hear, or say “Paul and his wife!” I’ll get used to it!
That is brilliant but I loved math. I’ll have to think of a different safe word.
The couple seems very happy. That’s important.
Maybe yours could be something like “Tolstoy”, lol.
CALCULUS!!! That is too funny, Jenny! What a sweet story and also, Paul, what the hell, do not mention Grandma and Grandpa RIGHT NOW. Oh, weddings. I am deep sighing with happiness looking at the picture of the two of them.
Speaking of pictures…your daughter’s body language says it all! We don’t even need to see her face! Ah, teen angst. Well, you have to laugh.
Your dress looks so good and I’m glad you didn’t wear mascara! At least I assume you didn’t wear mascara!
Curious, why wasn’t your husband in the processional too? Or was he somewhere else? What about the other Jennifer (I think that’s Isabel’s mom’s name?)
You are right, I didn’t wear mascara! The whole explanation of makeup is coming up…
We were given the option of several variations of how to do the processional. The entire family could have accompanied Paul, with Angie in front (shockingly, she said no to that, lol) or Tom could have walked behind us, or all three of us together. Paul opted for just the two of us, and my husband was fine with that. It made sense, because that way I was escorted in by Paul, and then Jennifer was escorted in by Isabel’s father. So I guess Tom was the only parent not in the processional, but it didn’t seem funny, as this way both the moms were escorted in. Also, my husband did a reading during the service so it’s not like he was excluded.
CALCULUS! Oh my days that’s hilarious. And so sweet of Paul to say that.
I LOVE Isabel’s dress and bouquet and that recessional photo is so special. I just love weddings. So beautiful. And your dress is gorgeous, Jenny. GORGEOUS. It was such a perfect Mother of the Groom dress.
I’m sure some of the tears are a bit of sadness that your parents aren’t here to see Paul get married, too. A feel like grief, however cloaked, shows up in those big moments.
Yes, there’s always a moment in every big occasion where I miss my parents deeply. It’s just part of life. That was NOT the moment to think of them, though!
I just go with the flow if the tears are coming! It has been so fun to see the wedding process unfold on your blog, and to finally see it happen is indeed the icing on the cake! It sounds like a wonderful wedding. I’m so happy for your family and the newlyweds. You all look amazing! Congrats!!
Thanks so much, Jenny, for sharing the first part of your son and daughter-in-law’s wedding story!Paul’s response when you started crying just before walking down the aisle is hilarious and so perfect! Congrats to the entire family!
I can easily picture the evil side-eye, LOL! Years ago, we were trying to get a family pic for Christmas cards. Honestly, I loved the bloopers more than the “perfect” one. The three kids were trying to hit & push each other…and it totally captured that specific moment in time. Sounds like the ceremony was beautiful! And, you did it! Congrats to everyone:-)
LOL that Paul moved on from Algebra to geometry, trig, then CALCULUS! I love the idea of a safe word to pull one out of crying. I’m a cryer for sure, this may be a very useful tip for me!
Your pictures are so beautiful! I am looking forward to all of the details!
Oh Paul! I appreciate his sentiment but dude, you can’t go there when you are about to walk down the aisle! I love that you used a math word as your safe word for tears (your BIL sounds like a really cool and thoughtful guy, btw).
I have cried at many people’s weddings, even when I barely know the couple. Pomp and Circumstance can also make me cry. They are happy tears but I get moved by the music and professional and the symbolism of the father ‘giving away’ his daughter (I am not saying that is what happens – but you know what I mean; it’s a transition to starting a new family apart from your family of origin). But I did not shed a single tear at my wedding! I was prepared to but I felt so so happy. Phil had people crying/sobbing during his speech, though (after he had them laughing so hard – he did an amazing job on his speech but he writes for a living so I wasn’t surprised by the humor – I was surprised by the sentimentality). One of my old blog friend who knows that she doesn’t have a heart since she is so stoic even cried and there was a hashtag among that group of #mandyhasaheart.
I don’t have any sort of clutch or tool when I cry and I don’t want to. But I so rarely cry!
Please give us old ladies all the details! I love wedding talk and will soak up everything. Lastly, I love that recessional picture – they look so so happy and joyful!!
I do want a post or a section of a post about the music! I am curious if Paul had strong opinions since he is a musician. I assume he did! I certainly did!!
Congratulations!! The happy couple looks very joyous in the recessional! I am looking forward to the rest of the recaps.
Oh I love this! I love all the details, so keep them coming. The recessional pic is just beautiful. I have turned into a happy crier too, or like Lisa, when there’s pomp and circumstance, for some reason. I remember tearing up at a high school performance of Grease a couple years ago when NEITHER of my boys were even it, when the cast did their bows. It’s like I was just so proud / excited for the seniors who were moving on to their next phase, and for what a great job they did! haha. I am going to have to try the Algebra trick. I wish I didn’t cry easily but I really do!!
I love that you had a safe word for crying! I am totally a cryer, in both happy and sad situations so I definitely shed some tears at my sister’s wedding last month. But I was also dealing with my dog’s sickness at the time and trying not to cry about that during the ceremony so I was fine with crying if it was from being happy! But I may have to try your idea of a safe word for future situations where I don’t want to cry publicly.
I’m sure the professional photos will turn out great! I know they take literally thousands and then edit them down to the best so hopefully there won’t be any (or many) embarrassing ones.
Oh my gosh, I love the idea of a crying safe word — and how your son had to escalate yours from algebra to calculus!
It sounds like it truly was a lovely day!
I bet professional photographers have a tool to fix angry-teen-side-eye. 😉
Aw congrats! Now I just need to remember “algebra” the next time I get weepy.
I say be excited for the family photos! There are no bad ones, just “slices of life” ones.
Again, I love seeing the photos! Especially the one of the bride and groom walking back down the aisle, looking so happy.
Your crying safe word is hilarious! I’ve never even thought of doing anything like that but it sure would be useful. I too tend to get overly emotional at events like that and cry too easily. I even cry when I sing certain songs! And that’s a pity because they usually are great songs. I tried “Little Bessie” the other day because it’s such a good practice song but when I came to the sad verses at the end I just couldn’t.
I love the story about your crying safe word. I bet the calculus moment will be part of your family lore from here on out. What lovely pictures of the bride and groom. I’m not usually a crier but focusing on a neutral word is a good idea.
A weeping safe word! What a genius concept. How did you come up with “algebra”? Did you pick it just randomly or is there a story?
Weddings are always tear-inducing, so there’s really no way to get through it without them and everybody knows it. Smudged mascara is a must 🙂
OMG – that photo of Paul and his wife beaming after the ceremony is everything. Wow. That speaks volumes. I’m also wanting to know, Why mention gma and gpa at this moment? But also, so incredibly sweet. Love that the math talk made you chuckle. They are young, but they are in love and this looks like a wonderful day. The last photo is pretty funny – as I’m imagining the side eye. You look stunning in your dress. It looks like it was made for you. Congrats!
Oh, this is so beautiful and sweet!
I want to see the side eye! But your son and his new wife look absolutely gorgeous! And even though it might not be your favorite photos, I think you all look stunning! That dress is such a great color and fit on you! And I love your daughter’s dress, too! The guys are so handsome!
It sounds like the most special and beautiful time!
Jenny, I BURST OUT LAUGHING at the “algebra” safe word. You kill me! I’m glad it worked, though, and what an adorable inside joke for you and your son!
The bride and groom are such a gorgeous pair! And the crying is so sweet. I’m glad it was a wonderful wedding!