Inspired by all the recent summer planning podcasts (SHU has one, and also Best of Both Worlds) I got out my Summer Playbook that Sarah gave me last year. I was laughing because my writing in the “brain dump” section starts with “Why does summer never work out the way I plan??? Now I have frickin pinkeye…” Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Last summer had some real lowlights, including getting sick (in retrospect I think it was Covid) and jury duty.
Looking on the bright side, I did get a lot of reading done! I also took a road trip with my son, to help him drive from Texas to Chicago, and I got to visit my sister. Interestingly, I noted in my playbook that Paul would “only” be home for a month that summer.
Yes, two summers ago he was home for the whole summer. Last summer, a month, and this summer… not at all. He’ll stay in his apartment in Chicago and work, and also attend a trumpet conference. The next time we see him will be when we go up for his wedding.
I took a little time to decide how I felt about that. A couple years ago, the thought that there would be a time when he stopped coming home for vacations was so sad. But now, it just feels like a natural progression.
It’s one thing to have a high school student home for the summer, or even a college kid. It’s another to have a full-fledged adult hanging around. Paul likes to stay up late and I was always tempted to stay up with him. But I still had to work, so my whole schedule was thrown off. And the truth is, after about a week Paul was bored. It’s not really that fun living in your parents’ house again when you’ve been on your own for a while.
It’s natural to dread transitions like these, but the truth is, when I actually get to the point, I’m usually ready for it. Using that logic, theoretically I should be ready for my daughter to leave next summer???
Oof. So many changes.
Do you have any big transitions this summer?
23 Responses
It’s so funny when we look back at our diaries/notes/blog posts and see what we were feeling at the time. And how we feel those feelings all over again when we think about it long enough.
I’m not expecting any big transitions this year, but I think the next foreseeable one will be when my parents die. It’s inevitable and I’m not quite sure how to prepare myself. I’ve been hearing the expression “anticipatory grief” but it’s something I should read more about!
Catrina, I think the only thing you can do is spend as much time with your parents as you can, and appreciate every moment you have with them. There’s no way to avoid the grief that will come when you lose them, but hopefully you can look back with no regrets.
That’s actually great advice, Jenny!! I like how you managed to put that in a nutshell so nicely!
My big transition involves my sons: one graduates HS, and so he needs to get on to the next stage. Other is adult son who moved home trying to reset his situation. And I’ll be a grandmother in a month or so. Big things for me!
Having them move out for good is always a little bittersweet.
You have HUGE things!!! The grandmother one is the biggest. So, so exciting. High school graduation is big too. And an adult son moving home- I don’t know the situation, but I love that you’re able to welcome him back. I want my kids to always feel like they can come back home if they need to.
I like how you describe it Jenny, natural progression. Anticipating the sadness is what we do as parent right?
big summer transition for us will be me single parenting with Lizzy for 3 weeks while Sofia goes to summer camp at a college camp setting by herself. I’m looking forward to it.
That sounds like a REALLY nice three weeks! You and Lizzy will bond while Sofia gains some independence. Sounds like a winning situation for all of you.
I had forgotten about the pink eye incident. That’s when we were buddy reading GWTW! Is that really a year ago already?
Welp, I’m in the middle of a life transition, but for the moment things are very calm so it doesn’t feel like it. Step one was to move out, step two is to figure out the right path forward for my marriage. Since I don’t know what step two looks like or the timing, my focus is on getting my new house organized and living my life.
Yes, you are in the middle of a big life transition! And yes, there’s some uncertainty and things beyoyd your control- so focusing on living your life is the best move.
It was last June that we read GWTW! I probably read it so fast because I was home from work with pinkeye.
You are handling this transition so well! It is a big change but you will still get time with Paul – it will just look different. I wonder where they will settle down when he finished grad school!
Summers are not all that different from the school year for us since the kids are in full time care. I like that they are not that different, though, as I crave routines! The weekends are quite different since we have so many fun options to entertain ourselves. So summers are overall way more enjoyable for us! Our summer is super long this year, though. The boys are off school for 12.5 weeks! They go back on 9/8 and 9/10 (Will starts 2 days later as that’s when K starts) since Labor Day is as late as it can be (9/7). I like going back after Labor Day usually but I don’t like it when Labor Day is so late!
Wow- that is a REALLY long summer. Ours is usually ten weeks. Well- good thing you have daycare. You can keep your weekly schedule but do fun things outdoors on the weekends.
I’m also wondering where Paul and Isabel are going to settle down! It will depend on where they can get jobs.
I struggled a bit when I moved to a different state after college since I wasn’t sure how much I’d be able to see my parents, but then a few years later, we ended up in the same state again and a few years after that, my sister followed as well so now we all live within 2 hours of each other and it’s nice to be able to see them more often again! It must still be hard not to be able to see your son much now, but who knows what will happen in the future and you may end up getting to see him more again at some point.
Yes, it’s REALLY nice that you, your sister and your parents all live close. I would love to eventually live near Paul and Isabel- We’ll have to see where they end up job-wise, and then if it will be feasible for us to move close to them??? I especially want to be near them if/when they have kids, so we’ll see what happens.
No big transitions this year, but if we can’t figure this rhabdo situation out with my husband, my entire summer will be dealing with the yard. And I’m going to BURN IT ALL DOWN. That seems like a fair solution, doesn’t it?
YES. Totally fair. He is STILL dealing with the rhabdo??? One of my daughter’s friends has rhabdo and it ruined the last month of his senior year. And I think he’s still not over it. Obviously rhabdo totally sucks.
We got a 3rd cat. That’s our transition.
OMG YOU DID?????? I need all the details!!!
You inspired me. Lol.
It really is different when your kids are full-grown adults. I remember when Jared and Sam were both in their early 20s and living at home. They really led their own lives, and as a parent, I felt like they were still my kids and my concern. It got very frustrating after a while. There had to be a whole different dynamic for all of us to get used to. It wasn’t easy.
Yes, and I can remember not wanting to spend long periods of time at my parents’ house when I was in my 20s. They kept urging me to come home, and I didn’t want to. So… I guess everyone has to move on to a new phase, eventually.
“ It’s natural to dread transitions like these, but the truth is, when I actually get to the point, I’m usually ready for it”
That’s a really wise perspective. I’m someone who can really ruminate on upcoming or potential transitions and it’s not good. Reminding myself that usually when they happen it’s fine is helpful! No big transitions this summer that I know of over here!
Enjoy your calm(er) summer! And just keep reminding yourself- when those changes come, you’ll be ready.
That’s such a lovely way to look at kids getting older and not being at home as much. It’s a natural transition, although it probably feels very hard to imagine when your kids are around all the time!
No big transitions this summer for me. It’ll be the same ole, same ole over here.