The other day my husband was going through some old papers and found a little race recap hw wrote about the 2000 Disney Marathon, which we ran together the year we were married. It was fun reading it- I had forgotten that Mickey Mouse himself started the race, that the theme of the race was “Exhilaration at Every Mile,” and the fact that my husband got so excited at mile 25 he began to sprint.
Then we reminisced about the rest of that day- after the race we got Subway sandwiches and went back to our hotel where we got in bed, watched an episode of The Sopranos, and then took a long, luxurious nap. At this point we looked at each other and said “You can tell this was before we had kids.”
It reminded me of an afternoon from around that same time that still stands out in my mind. In those days I was working in a chiropractor’s office, and I worked every other Saturday morning. Remember how, before kids, it seemed horribly early to have to wake up at 6:30 am on a Saturday? Hahahahahahahaha. Anyway…
On this particular Saturday I worked and then did a bunch of errands afterwards. It was a gloomy, rainy day, and I was tired. My last stop was the library whee I randomly chose a murder mystery. Then I went home- my husband was working all day and evening so I was on my own- got out of my cold, wet clothes, got into bed and READ THE ENTIRE BOOK. Even back then, that was a major luxury. I mean, I didn’t have kids but I was an adult, with a grown-up schedule and responsibilities. Being able to spend the entire afternoon in bed reading was a huge treat.
Let’s ignore for a moment that two of my fondest memories involve spending an afternoon lazily in bed. This trip down memory lane made me think of Elisabeth’s post last week about how parenting is a 24/7/365 job. No one can prepare you for it- as a matter of fact, when you’re a new parent it’s actually shocking how much of your old life you have to give up.
Of course, it’s worth it. I can’t imagine life without my kids. Interestingly, however, the people I know who don’t have kids (like my sister) seem equally happy with their decision to live a child-free life. And, I’m well aware that my days of having kids at home are numbered (four and a half years… I don’t really want to count the days.) I’ll be able to spend all my free afternoons reading in bed if I want to! Strangely, that thought fills me with sadness though- I don’t want to be an empty nester. You just can’t win!
For those of you with kids- do you have a special memory that stands out from your pre-kid days?
For those without kids- how did you come to that decision? Any regrets, or are you overall happy with your life?
28 Responses
Definitely wanted kids but it didn’t happen until I married my 2nd husband and then got 2 stepsons.
I was never a runner until after they had grown up. I don’t know how parents do it.
However at the time, I was teaching full-time, going to grad school and playing tennis . I must have had more energy then!! lol
Yes, I think these youngsters have more energy! I will say I’m amazed at some of these women with young kids and full time jobs, and they run regularly. I don’t know how they do it.
I cheated for this one. As far back as I can remember I knew that I never wanted to have kids. At the same time, it always seemed to me that being a stepmom would be kind of cool. I didn’t intentionally plan to become a stepmom, it just so happened that I met a guy with kids and we hit it off so here we are.
I have zero regrets about not having kids AND being a stepmom is a million times better than I ever imagined. I can’t explain it other than this is the life that is right for me. But yes once the kids comes along your free time is gone, and also I’m in no hurry to get to the empty nest. My oldest stepson is starting college this fall but he’s staying home so things won’t change too drastically for a while.
Some of my favorite memories are the non-kid times that we have, like when we would take a long weekend to go to FL and do nothing but hang out on the beach. It’s been a long time since we’ve done that (COVID started it, the Boy Scouts are the current reason why we can’t take “just us” vacations right now).
Yes, I would agree you have the best of both worlds! It’s funny how you wanted to be a stepmom (but not a mom) and that it worked out for you.
I love the flashback photos of really young Jenny! This must have been in Jan 2000 as I want to say that’s when they have the race at Disney? In Jan 2000, I was a freshman in college! What a different world we lived in back then!
Stephany’s recent podcast episodes about friendship brought back lots of memories from my pre-kid days. Even though I am an introvert, my friendships/number of friendships are more like her extrovert co-host, Bri. I think because I got married so late in life, I really really leaned on my friends during those single years. So I traveled a ton pre-kids and would visit people all over the US, especially during the year I lived in Charlotte (I was very unhappy there and spent as little time as possible there – I would often be gone 2 weekends of the month!). So I could bop around and do destination races with blog friends. Flashforward to now – I’m planning my first girls trip weekend since having kids and I was a little nervous bringing it up to Phil because it is very hard to be the solo parent managing things on the home front… Gone are the days of buying a planet ticket on a whim without having to consult anyone! I miss those days but I also of course love having kids – most days. Ha. I will say that this current stage is one of the more challenging stages of parenting for me because of the strong tantrums/big emotions Will has… So now, more than ever, I will benefit from time away, but then I feel guilty knowing what Phil will deal with while I am away. But I have been pushing him to plan a golf trip. His friends are terrible planners, though, so I not optimistic they will get their act together. I mean, I would like to just plan it FOR THEM so I know he’ll go and then I will feel less guilty about doing something… but obviously I can not strong arm a group of adult males into planning a trip. But I do wonder – why is this so hard? Of his group of friends, our kids are the youngest so theoretically, it will be hardest for Phil to be away and yet I want him to do it.
Actually, you and Phil seem to have the best of both worlds. You’re really good about getting away- individually and together- and taking advantage of the grandparents to babysit. My husband and I didn’t do that, and it was hard on our marriage. But yes- you’re in a very hard phase! As I always say- it will pass.
I am glad we FINALLY got away in December. We were so worried the boys would be too much for my parents. It went better than I could have ever dreamed. I don’t think it will be an every year thing but maybe every other year? And I am glad I’m doing some things this year, like my girls trip. I felt a little bad asking to do something since I’m also traveling 1-2 times/month for work and solo parenting is HARD, but I know it’s good for both of us to get back in touch with the people we were before kids!!
I don’t want to wish time away but I look forward to the next 1-2 years being behind us… I know every age has its challenges but these tantrums from Will are particularly difficult. I almost want to take a picture of one to show him what it was like when he’s older but that seems exploitative… but there is lots of laying on the floor screaming/crawling across the floor screaming for no discernable reason! Toddlers!!
Love the throwback pictures!!
Yes to all of this! I miss pre-kid life, but it is very bittersweet to think about them flying the nest at some point. Right now it seems like that will be forever…but in reality, it will be less than a decade. Which, I suspect, will zoom by in the blink of an eye.
Nothing prepared me for how intense and unrelenting the parenting experience would be. It’s a rollercoaster of the highest highs and lowest lows. Totally worth it, but impossible to prepare for and exhausting at times.
Yes, it really is a roller coaster. And then it’s over much too quickly! There’s nothing quite like being a parent.
No kids here and no regrets. I’m not really maternal and I never feel guilty about spending the afternoon reading a book! We made that decision very early on because of a variety of reasons (not wanting to pass on certain genes, climate crisis, increasing wealth disparities, etc.) and the truth is that I’m a very good aunt and I’d be a really crappy mother. Ha! I think having a dog is hard enough.
Yes, I had a feeling you were one of those “happily child-free” people! It’s good you realized it early on. It’s not for everyone, and it’s not like the world needs more people. Being a good aunt is important.
I had a girlfriend who ran the Disney marathon with her two daughters, and they all dressed up like Disney princesses (still running gear, but little tutus and they were matching the Princess-tops, plus tiaras). That made me really, really want to run a race at Disney. I mean. PRINCESS RUNNING WEAR. Now that I’m typing this I can actually see you give me the side-eye. However! It stands. I would be so excited to wear a tutu to run in. And a tiara, my god, a tiara.
I can’t think of anything specific that stands out from life pre-kids. I’m sure there were lots of things – travel, I guess – but nothing comes to mind.
Well, I never had any desire to run it in princess running wear, but hey- you do you! I think you should definitely run a Disney race. In a tiara.
I loved this little “run” down memory lane! So fun! And the photos are adorable.
When I look back at my pre-kids days, I am just appalled by how much TIME we WASTED! Sleeping in until eleven on a Saturday?!?! Which I swear we did WEEKLY!!! What were we thinking?! Now, I get annoyed if anyone (cough cough my husband cough) sleeps past eight thirty, which seems both decadent and wasteful. Time’s ticking! Things to do!
That’s true- from our perspective now, there was a lot of time wasted. I guess we felt like there was all the time in the world, so we could waste some of it? Having kids definitely makes you more efficient!
I love the throwbacks! It’s funny, what came to my mind as a pre-parenthood memory has to do with another theme park for me. I never really traveled or vacationed (I spent most of my 20s with 3 jobs). But, when I met my guy, we went to Universal Studios in Florida and I went on my first rollercoaster ever (not totally my jam) and hung out by a pool and ran around looking at all the classic movie stuff… It was wild compared to my life to that point! As a late bloomer in so many areas of life, I have hopes for adventures with my kid and with my guy and my friends and myself in the coming years.
I love the old race pictures and memories. Thanks for sharing!
As an empty nester I want to assure you that life is fine, great in fact! It’s our job as parents to prepare our children to be responsible, self-supporting, and contributing members of society, and now that our sons are grown, it’s glorious sitting back and celebrating their successes. You and your husband will have time to rekindle a relationship that’s been on the back burner while all of your energy went to the kids. Being empty nesters is different, but it’s a good different. 🙂
Love these throwback pics!
I remember my grad school days with a bit of longing– dinners, coffees, movies, nights at bars– all whenever we wanted to go– always a crowd of people to meet up with, no babysitter or scheduling demands. And we were so young and energetic, etc etc etc.
Child-free by choice!
I never had the desire to have kids. So far, I have zero regrets (I’m 55 this year).
Like you, I have fond memories of our younger days, when we used to lie lazily in bed on a Sunday afternoon.
But strangely, even though we have no kids, we somehow transitioned into a more adult kind of life where we don’t do that anymore. Oh, no wait, my husband still sometimes goes to bed on a Sunday afternoon for a short nap – maybe I should just simply join him? What on earth is stopping me??
Hmm, that’s interesting, Catrina! So it’s not just having kids, but getting older and having more responsibilities in general that makes us less carefree. And I think you should definitely nap this Sunday and see how you like it!
Disposable camera pictures! I love that. I still have an old disposable camera sitting around that I feel like I should get developed (I can’t even remember what is on there…) but does anyone still do that anymore?
What lovely memories. I think you captured it when you talk about having the luxury of lolling in bed all afternoon. I feel like it’s one thing to knowingly put aside responsibility for a while and then get up and do some adulting, but another to try to put it aside and have responsibility come knock on your door asking for a snack.
I think what I miss most from my pre-kids days is definitely travelling for work – even if it was to a (comparatively) small city like Indianapolis, IN it was still fun to pack up and see another part of the country, and live and work there. But the small regional opera companies don’t pay a lot, certainly not enough to cover childcare, so it’s not worth it right now to do those gigs. Maybe after the kids are grown – I know one stage manager who started travelling again after her kid went to college and she does both small and big gigs – she just chooses to work with the people that she likes, and she’s very much in demand.
Yes, traveling is something that definitely gets put on hold when you have kids. Like you said, it’s something you can do again once the kids are grown.
“…responsibility come knocking on your door asking for a snack.” That just about sums it up. Those truly carefree days are gone once you have kids!
I love this! I do feel like sometimes looking back on pre-kid days is like recalling a holiday. Mine are 2 and 4 so it’s pretty intense now, although I get the feeling it’s pretty intense always! I knew we wanted kids because my husband and I were on a mountain biking retreat in the pacific north west and drinking wine in a hot tub and decided we would be OK to give all that up to have kids (not that one has to give it up – but for us having kids meant moving back to the UK, so we wouldn’t be in pacific northwest hot tubs for a while). I don’t know what I did with all my time before, or why I wasn’t better at everything, but I’m so glad I got lots of fun before kids and now I get lots of time to focus on the kids.
I do miss sleeping in. I can’t remember the last time I slept past 7am… if the clock says 6am when I wake up I think “oh wow, what a late morning!”
Yes, I had my kids later in life so I had a LOT of time to do other things. So it’s not like I miss adventures like traveling, but I miss those random leisurely days that just don’t happen anymore. That’s okay- you can’t have everything.
Wow, thanks for taking us back down memory lane. I definitely remember disposable cameras – haha. I love that you ran the race with your husband. I didn’t dream of running races in 2000.
We don’t have kids. I always thought I wanted kids, but it wasn’t in the cards for us, and I am happy with how things turned out. I never got the “baby fever”, so maybe it was never a fundamental wish deep down inside. I am a proud aunt though 🙂
Yes, my sister originally wanted kids but it didn’t work out, and like you, she’s happy with the way her life turned out. She’s also a proud aunt!
I don’t have kids, and it’s something I always thought I wanted. I think this came from growing up Christian and it was just a given that you should want to be married by 22 and have lots of kids. So I thought I wanted that, too, but then I worked in a daycare for a few years and realized how exhausting kids really are! You can’ t take your eyes off them for a second, lol. And then it just never happened for me because I am still a single lady in my mid-thirties. I am really happy, though, because I really like the freedom that comes with being child-free. I can take long naps in the middle of the day, read whenever I want, and don’t have the constant worry about kids and if I’m raising them right. Plus, I’m an anxious person by nature and I can’t IMAGINE how I would handle the anxiety of having a kid! I would be worried 24/7. I’m happy to be the aunt to my nephews and my friends’ kids, but it’s not something I want for myself anymore.
2000 doesn’t seem like it was that long ago! But it was 23 years ago at this point and that’s just CRAZY.
Stephany, that’s one of the reasons I like your blog. I love hearing about your child-free life. When you did your whole week of “day in a life” posts in November, I was living vicariously!