Hey there! I haven’t had a Deep Thoughts post in a while, and I know how much everyone has been missing them (ha ha). Today I’m thinking about my upcoming race, and genuinely wondering what it is that makes me want to do it.
Just as a reminder- on March 21st I turn 60, and I’ll celebrate by running an ultramarathon. I’ll get into all the details about the race in another post, but it’s a 14.3 mile loop that you run as many times as you want, and I plan to run 60 miles.
I’m not doing it to prove anything, or to be able to enjoy saying afterwards that I ran 60 on my 60th. Well- maybe there’s a little of that. But mainly, I’m just looking forward to literally running all day on my birthday.
WHY. The truth is, it’s going to be uncomfortable. There will be times where I feel good, maybe times where I feel great, but for a large part of this day I’ll be uncomfortable or actually in pain. Why is this appealing???
It’s my 60th birthday! I would be justified in spending it in the most pleasurable way possible. I could sleep late, eat waffles, get a massage, go to a bookstore, eat at a fancy restaurant and drink champagne- why in the world would I choose to run this race? It’s not even like it will be a beautiful course with breathtaking, panoramic views of natural beauty. It will be on a Florida trail, probably similar to trails I run on all the time, and I’ll see the same thing every time I make a loop. Oh, and it will almost surely be hot and sunny. Am I insane?
The answer is…. possibly? I gave birth to both my kids naturally, with no pain meds of any kind. There were many reasons for that, but probably the most compelling one is, I wanted to know what it felt like. You’re telling me this hurts? How badly? Let’s find out!
I don’t think I’m a masochist (although others may disagree). I just want to experience things, even if it’s painful or uncomfortable. I want to put myself in a position where I have to rely on mental strength to get me through. I want to experience the deep, deep sense of satisfaction of getting through something really difficult. I guess I want to suffer, and figure out a way to handle the suffering until I come out on the other side.
Does this mean something is missing in my normal life? Again… possibly. While there are plenty of other people out there running ultras, the majority of the population does not want to do this. Most people probably find the whole idea unappealing, to say the least. Is my brain just wired differently? I have no answers here. Maybe I’ll come up with something during my epic birthday run- I’ll have plenty of time to ponder.
When someone mentions ultramarathons, do you have a secret longing, or do you recoil in horror?
Top photo by Tingey Injury Law Firm on Unsplash
27 Responses
I recoil! I have never yearned for exercise- not how my brain looks for challenges. However, I can greatly admire your choice!
I had natural births because it was cheaper- I never bought fully into the experience mentality. So I guess we are very different people!
We are different in a lot of ways- but the world would be dull if we were all the same. I would be interested to know how your brain does look for challenges though (hmm… another blog post idea???)
Oooh, I resonate so much with this. I posted something similar yesterday, but with a totally different twist. While I wouldn’t give birth without painkillers, I went from chickening out with everything in life to wanting to challenge myself and what I think I can do, although in my case much differently than an ultra marathon or even a long run. I struggle so much more with cardio endurance than anything else! When I ran, I was all for giving it a try, now I challenge myself differently (and lifting was always my prio 1 even back then). Recently I think I’ve become too soft in my attitude – but working on getting back to the oomph.
However, I do have a secret longing when I watch ultras on YouTube! And my husband definitely… he’s signed up for the 80k in Wicklow this year.
Okay, I’m going to go read that post. I wish you could magically give me some of your excitement about lifting weights- I slogged through a workout today and got myself through the squats by thinking about you! Just send some of your mojo my way…
I can totally relate to this and I love how you have articulated your reasons. It’s not easy to explain to the outside world!
There’s something deeply satisfying about choosing a hard thing and then staying with it long enough to see what you’re made of. Not proving anything to anyone, just curiosity: what happens if I keep going?
Spending your 60th doing something memorable and slightly ridiculous sounds FAR BETTER than waffles and champagne. You’ll remember that day forever!!
That is true! I’ll remember it forever. And you’re right- it’s curiosity that spurs me on.
I can totally relate and will probably shift to ultra eventually. I often wonder why do I love so much the suffering, but I think it’s because I love the feeling of stepping into the unknown, something scary and not sure about the outcome, especially if I can do it or not through mental strength.
I do have a theory about the mfort of modern life, that compelled us to find challenge elsewhere that we can actually control the process, unlike war or politics.
i also love the training process toward the goal, gives me structure and purpose everyday and see i am getting stronger.
Yes, we are definitely thinking similarly here! I agree with everything you said, and also the training process gives life a purpose. I don’t have to motivate myself to work out- it’s a necessary part of life if I want to do these challenging races.
I’m right here with you. If you know, you know. I feel a little weird talking about it to non-runners, as they always make a big deal out of it, or say things like, “OMG, I wouldn’t even want to DRIVE that far!” so it is nice to talk to kindred spirits who know what you are all about. I have a friend doing the Grand Slam this year, and you know me, I thought it was super cool, but if you told a non-runner that she was going to run not just one but FOUR 100 milers in one year (on hard steep dirt trails etc), they would think that we are just crazy. I bet you are going to have a great time on your birthday and there is nothing that I would rather do on my big day. Go get ’em champ! 🙂
Thank you Kyria!!! Yes- I don’t usually talk about this with people in my “real” life. It just sounds too weird. And btw- I think the Grand Slam is 4 TWO HUNDRED mile races, right? Tahoe, Bigfoot, etc? Like you, my reaction to that is, it’s super cool!
Jenny, running is your favourite thing to do. In my mind, you should fill your birthday with all your favourite things to do, so it makes sense to me. It’s not something I personally would choose to do on my birthday – I don’t want to do any one thing for an entire day – but it makes you happy so it makes me happy! While I don’t run anymore, and I never ran more than 11-12km at a time, I can see the appeal of overcoming something and really feeling it. I also had no-drug childbirths (although I was lucky and both of my labours were relatively short).
I don’t think this means anything is missing in your life! This is your life, this is your day, you’re going to be sixty, and you deserve to celebrate however you want to! (I hope you have a nice big birthday treat afterwards!) Hell, the idea that you can do even a fraction of that distance is something to be celebrated. We don’t know how long we have on this planet, now is the time to do the things we want to do!
YES! The older I get, the less likely I am to put things off. I wish i had this attitude when I was younger, but for me it had to come with age.
Thanks as always for your incredible pep talk!
I think there is a very basic “because I can” that drives all of us in our passions. I also think that once someone gets the running bug there is a drive to find out what the upper limit is, either for speed or for distance. Most “civilians” are going to find that their max is somewhere between 5k and a half, the next level is going to be happy with a marathon, and then the rest of y’all are still finding your max. You’ve already done a 50 miler, and since you’re turning 60, that’s the next logical stop. We get it! I mean, you can sleep late, eat waffles, go to a bookstore yada yada anytime…for instance, the day after the race. And just think how good the post race pub sub and coke zero will taste.
Yes, great point- I can do those things another day AND MAYBE I WILL! That would be a good “day after race” experience.
I like how you know my post race meal… yes, I’m looking forward to it.
I definitely do recoil in horror! I find it fascinating how differently people respond to such things. If I am told something will hurt, I either don’t want to do it, or want to do it in the least painful, most cushioned-from-pain way. I find your thinking admirable, but alien to how I work. There’s nothing wrong with either of our approaches, I think, but so interesting how different we are. I hope you have a great race experience.
No, there’s nothing wrong with either approach to life. People challenge themselves in various ways. It is funny how we’re all wired so differently.
I think it makes complete sense why you want to run 60 miles on your 60th birthday! I was very excited for the trail marathon I did two years ago on my 32nd birthday — I mean, yes there were amazing views in that one because it was in the mountains of southern Utah, but there was more to it than that. I wanted to celebrate being able to do something hard, because someday (hopefully a long time from now), I won’t be able to do things like that and I want to have something to look back on. I have stronger memories of when I took on something challenging, like an ultra, then when I just had a normal fun birthday. You’ll definitely remember this birthday more than if you had chosen to sleep late and enjoy a massage and nice breakfast!
Ashley, that is very true. I took the lazy, pleasurable approach to my 50th, and I honestly barely remember anything about it. I don’t even think the day was that fun!
Sigh. I wish I could run in the mountains of southern Utah. But that would mean running up… mountains… and it would be hard to train for it in South Florida. Well- maybe someday! Treadmills can be set at an incline.
I love this for you!! I mean, yes, it does sound a little insane, but in a good way! haha. I think it’s so cool that you have something you’re so passionate about, and that you’re still doing this while turning 60! It certainly will be more memorable than taking yourself out for tea and getting a massage, that’s for sure. Can’t wait to hear all about it!
I can relate to how you feel as that is how I felt about running marathons. It was a very hard and painful thing to do, but I like training for something big and difficult. I had no desire to exceed the marathon distance, though! But I don’t have easy access to trail paths where I live and I was all about convenience. If I lived in a different part of the country with easy access to trails, I would have potentially pursued an ultra, although I couldn’t imagine doing more than 50k!
I don’t think there is anything wrong or missing in your life that results in you pursuing a goal like this. You like taking on big, scary challenges and you find it fun. So you do you, IMO!
At this point in life, though, I recoil at the thought of even doing a marathon. The longest distance I’ve ran since having kids was several 10 miles races and i found those really really challenging to train for. Training for the last one felt like a slog so I questioned myself over why I was even doing it if it wasn’t fun anymore. So I’m taking a break from distance running until I feel differently about it. OTF is my new obsession and it’s been super fun to be back in group fitness. I’m being pushed in a much different way and am doing more strength training which feels right for this stage of life!
I’m def team recoil in horror, but if that’s something you want to do, if you want to test yourself, then I’m here to cheer you on. I am the opposite of you in that I’d prefer comfortable every time. When I had my kids, I had to be induced. Every time. For my first delivery, they put the IV in my arm to get the meds going to put me in labor. I looked at Coach and Whined: I don’t like this (pointing at the IV in my arm). I think they’re gonna have to come take this out.
Bah ha ha. Coach was like, It’s gonna get a lot worse than that. I wanted a big family, but after that delivery – I had no idea how I could do it. I guess diving back in was my way of accepting a challenge.
I’ve never even run a 5k. Maybe someday? I do think I’d like that challenge, but I’m not afraid to admit that I’m a wimp. Big time.
Jenny, I read this last night, but did not have time to comment and I kept thinking about it. Of course I recoil in horror at the thought of running one mile, let alone 60! BUT. I’m working with my nephew on improving his ACT score and I’m having SO MUCH FUN prepping for our sessions and working with him. It’s hard work, but it’s very rewarding. Anyway, we all have our things. If we all liked the same thing, this would be a boring world. You do you!
No secret longing, no recoiling in horror. I think I fall a little differently on this scale at this point in my life. For a lot of my life I had really low self esteem and really bad Catholic guilt (Catholicism is possibly the worst religion to steep a kid in when they already have anxiety, just saying). I thought I had to do everything the hard way because I deserved to suffer and my life was so easy in so many ways and I don’t even know what.
At this point I try not to make things harder just for the sake of them being harder. Life is always hard in a lot of ways no matter who you are. I tried running and it damaged me in ways that made it almost impossible to do anything else. I also don’t think life is just supposed to be pleasure, though. I can do hard things, and I will do them if there is any kind of reason that seems worthwhile. Challenging yourself, especially as we get older, does seem worthwhile to me. Having goals is important. Stretching to meet them is important. That looks different for everyone. Now I’m just rambling. Anyway, a birthday race for a runner seems wholly appropriate.
I will be thinking of you all day on your birthday, I hope it goes swimmingly. I definitely agree that you should be doing what makes you happy on your birthday!
I also had my daughter with no drugs, but not because I wanted to experience it…I was afraid of that big needle! Toward the end there, I would have taken that big needle in my eye if it would have stopped the pain, let me tell you. Luckily, my labor was relatively short – 4 hours.
I think you are awesome for doing this. I know you will succeed too. Of not, you’ll find another challenge.
I want to 100 half marathons. Is that crazy?
I loved reading this, Jenny. While I used to run for fun, my absolute top distance was ten miles and I have never ever desired to run a marathon or an ultra. But I admire the mental fortitude and physical endurance and all the intense preparation required to even set a goal to do a race like that, let alone complete one! More and more, I’ve been reading about how critical it is to the brain for us to challenge ourselves, and push through discomfort, and follow through with things even if they are hard. Something to do with the neural pathways — I clearly haven’t paid close enough attention. But I love the idea that the difficulty is a big part of the appeal to you. I can imagine that the confidence and pride and satisfaction that come from preparing for a race like that feel intoxicating!
Oh, I definitely recoil! I tried to become a runner, but I just don’t love it the way REAL runners seem to. I’m glad it’s something you genuinely love, and what better way to spend your 60th birthday?! I am really excited for you, and so impressed that you made this a goal and you are GOING TO DO IT. Amazing!