We had YET ANOTHER “last first” day of school! Because my son and his… wife (that still seems so weird to say) are both getting masters degrees at Northwestern, and Northwestern starts so late, their first day was Wednesday. Or, their “last first” day, because after this year they will be DONE WITH SCHOOL. I asked my son to send me a photo to commemorate the occasion:
Anyway… have I mentioned that I’m in a phase of continual existential crisis? My son’s wedding threw my life into turmoil, but I’ve calmed down from that. Now it’s my daughter’s senior year of high school, and a steady stream of “last” events that’s hitting me.
I’ve always driven my kids to school, and as I was returning from the drop off this morning, I noticed the position of the sun. I always enjoy this season of early morning drives, noting how it’s darker later and later and looking forward happily to turning the clocks back… and then I realized that THIS IS THE LAST FALL I WILL BE DRIVING TO AND FROM SCHOOL.
Wait. You mean this all ends? Somehow I thought this was just going to go on and on forever. I’m having trouble envisioning my life when things don’t revolve around my kids.
Gretchen Rubin recently did a “Little Happier” podcast episode about the Empty Nest, or as she has reframed it, the “Open Door” season. She said “This massive change in our family life gives us an opportunity to understand ourselves better and steer a new course forward, which can be thrilling. We don’t have many opportunities to be shaken awake. Our children are growing up, and so are we.”
Ooh! I’m going to be shaken awake. I’m scared! But also curious about what this next phase could look like. Meanwhile…
Tonight was our homecoming game! Coming up tomorrow… the last homecoming dance. Ack!
If your kids are grown and flown, was the transition to empty nest hard?
If you have younger kids… can you imagine the time when they’ll be out of the house?
Top photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
24 Responses
I can imagine it but don’t like it for sure. I don’t know how I’ll mentally prepare myself for that day.
Luckily I’ll be going through it first so I”ll let you know how to cope! After I figure it out, that is.
This is why I had so many kids. By the time Minnie is out, there will be grandkids, and I will be ready for a change of pace…
I’m ready for grandkids!!! Unfortunately Paul and Isabel tell me I have to wait five years.
It’s a big transition for sure. I had a bit of hard time when my son went off to college, but that feeling of being “unmoored” was gone by winter break. That’s when I started cycling with my husband — which I need to take up again.
My son has been married for a few years and I still find it hard to refer to his wife as his “wife” — mainly because I think of her in her own right, I think. (They were together for years before they got married.) I’ve got nothing but love for her!
Yes, I feel like I’ll need to add something to my life at that point. Not sure what… but it’s kind of fun to think about.
I have both- adult kids living lives, and kids in hs and junior high. Their school days help shape my life, but I’ll be so glad to put midterms and report cards behind me. Also, no more dress or shirt shopping for dances.
I’m looking to stop working or at least switch jobs after this year- so changes will come.
Ooh, it does sound like some big change are coming up for you. That’s exciting- and yes, there will definitely be some things I won’t miss when the school days are over!
Well, I have only one who has flown the nest, but my younger son is moving out next year, so my nest will truly be empty. When we moved here, Mark moved out about a month after, to go to school. So it felt like everything was in transition. It’s going to be very strange when Jake moves out as it’s been three years with the three of us in this house. When he’s not here – he dogsits a lot – it feels odd, just the two of us. But we will get used to it, and the nice thing is that even when he moves out he will still be close. The biggest transition when Mark moved out was making dinner. It took a long time for me to adjust dinners for three, and not for two. So when Jake moves out I’m sure it will take a while to go down to dinner for two! The nice thing about the empty nest is loud sex whenever we want! So you have that to look forward to, bow chicka wow wow.
Ha ha Nicole… I’ll keep that in mind. And as you say, it will be a bit of an adjustment, but I’ll get used to it. You can get used to anything.
The “empty-nest” phase still feels like… a long way away for me, but I also realize it will come quickly! We live in a university town, so there is a good chance our daughter will be living at home for quite a while yet, but even still the routines would look very different. She’ll get her license and be able to vote.
I don’t dread the thought of an empty nest, but I am also many years away from that. For the most part, I’ve enjoyed the kids becoming more and more independent.
There’s a chance Angie will live at home and go to our local university next year, and I would be happy with that. It would be a good transition, as she would be much more independent but not gone completely.
I actually looked forward to having an empty nest! My sons moved out when they were in their early 20s, and the toughest thing for me at the time was learning how to cook for just Rick and me. It helped, I’m sure, that both sons were close by, one in the same city. It was getting difficult, having four adults in the house, and navigating independence but courtesy. You know, still making dinner for 4 people, but finding out last minute that one or both would not be there; them not having a curfew, but us still lying awake and wondering when they’d be coming home, etc.
We’re all extremely close and love spending time together. Living apart doesn’t mean coming apart, you know?
NANCE!!!! You have put my thoughts perfectly into words, “living apart doesn’t mean coming apart!” And YES to the late-nights comings and goings, the preparation of meals to find out someone wasn’t home…I get it!
Nance, I know exactly what you mean. As much as I love my son and loved having him home, the older he got the more difficult it got to have him here. The house started to feel crowded, he had his own life but also needed to eat meals… it was tricky. I guess it gets to a point where moving out works for everyone.
Don’t be scared Jenny, it’s an exciting new phase. E got married this year but he moved out end of last year into the place they’re living in now. Although we didn’t see him much because he travels with work a lot. G was very excited to turn E’s room into a guest/gym room (and it now also has the K’s keyboard). We still see the kids heals though because they all live in Melbourne.
Okay, I like that reframe- it’s an exiting new phase. I did feel like that, once I got used to the fact that my son was gone for college. It was fun having a college kid. But of course my daughter was still at home. Having them both gone will be yet another new phase.
I’m not sure my daughter will ever move out, between her anxiety and the super high prices around here. I like having her here, but I worry about her when we die. Crazy. I would love a situation where she moved somewhere really close so we could see her often but she was on her own.
Well… maybe that will happen! It would be nice to have adult kids closeby. I also wonder if we’ll be in the same position with Angie. She might live at home next year and go to college here, and I could see her just staying and not wanting to spend any extra money… we’ll see.
I am very much in the “young children at home” stage. I do look forward to some things, just as I looked forward to this stage when my kids were babies. But I also know we will miss it. I also have 4 kids, so my time span of kids growing up is going to be much longer. My youngest won’t graduate from high school for another 14 or so years– and (this is a WILD thought) – it’s possible my oldest kiddo could be married and thinking about her own kids by then.
I also think about my own period of time when I moved out. My parents became empty nesters- and lived across the globe from me and my brother! We lived a continent and an ocean away for 10+ years and now they live 25 minutes away from me- and we go over there all the time! So even if everyone is out of the house, I bet they will be coming back!
Yes, you could be in a position where your youngest one moves out, but grandchildren are on the way! I guess the bottom line is, every phase is nice, you just have to get used to it.
You know I am solidly in the young kids stage. My college friends have kids in HS and one has a kid and college. Meanwhile I have a kinder. Ha. I have yet to get sad about a stage of parenting ending but I imagine it will be hard to adjust to the kids going to college (if that is still a thing… I worry it won’t be in 10-13 years given all the change that might come about from AI. I hope I am wrong about this).
Paul and his wife are so cute! I love their last first day pic. And wow does Northwestern start late!!
I know- Northwestern is on the quarter system so they have a really weird schedule. And yes- who knows what changes will have occurred by the time your boys are ready for college! But no matter what, they’ll eventually be adults living on their own. I know it’s so hard to imagine that right now!
Love that pic of your son and his wife, so cute. Same as Lisa we are so far from being empty nesters (my youngest is 5), but then I think we are already halfway through my 9 year olds childhood, and somehow that’s gone fast, so it will happen soon enough. I’m not a sentimental person but I imagine it will be bittersweet when we do all the “lasts”. At least you’ve got lots of interests beyond your kids, Jenny, so you’ll still have your purpose. But I imagine will take a bit of time to adjust.