The comments on my last post were REALLY interesting! I shared that trying to plan or do any vision exercises more than a year in advance makes me uneasy… and most people agreed with me! The comments ranged from “I don’t even know if I’ll be alive then” to fears about parent’s health, concerns about the direction our country is going, and Lisa mentioned that for the next 13-14 years she’ll be caring for her children, so there’s not a lot of extra “planning” to do.
When I read that I felt a wave of envy. My daughter graduates from high school in 2027, and because of the six-year age gap between her and my son, it means that I’ll have spent twenty-four years taking care of my kids… and I don’t want it to end.
Even with all the irritations, arguments, disruptions of my own schedule, and general difficulties of living with young children (and tweens and teens!) I’ve actually loved it so much. And, I think there’s something comforting about knowing what your role will be for the next five, or ten, or twenty years. The fact that everything will shift in a little over a year is unsettling.
I know! I’m not the first mom to feel this way. Most people dread the empty nest, and everyone manages to adjust. I will too, but I haven’t come to terms with it yet, and that’s a big reason why thinking too far in the future scares me.
Let’s move on! Today (Friday) is my day in Miami (I took the day off work because my daughter is playing in an honor band festival at UM). After I drop her off, I plan to go for a run along the water. Then I’ll do a self-guided walking tour of a nearby neighborhood (Coconut Grove) and… I have a quest! A mug quest.
Now that I drink loose leaf Rishi tea, the tea ball I like to use doesn’t fit in some of my favorite mugs. Here are a couple that are too narrow…
I only have two mugs wide enough for my tea ball, and one of them is this one-
-which I feel sends the wrong message to the universe. That leaves one mug, and I like to have variety.. BUT, I’m very picky about my mugs. With my new tea regimen, a mug needs to be wide. It also needs to hold plenty of tea (no 12 ounce mugs for me). The handle has to be comfortable for me to hold, and of course I have to like the way it looks.
In addition to being on the lookout for a new mug, I’ll go to Books and Books (hooray! Another bookstore!) and also find a place to sit and read while I drink tea. The perfect day!
Do you get attached to your mugs? Or do you not care what you drink out of?
Top photo by Chris Scott on Unsplash
25 Responses
How big is that tea ball? Must be massive! I do like the big handles on those mugs- a nice sturdy grip. I hope your quest is successful!
I will never have an empty nest ( I have a daughter with special needs who will live with us always,) , but I miss parenting Littles ( I was really good at that!) I do love all thr stages of life the kids go through. Its interesting, if not rasy to eatch at times. At least I now have a grandchild to look forward to.
THAT IS TRUE! You will have a grandchild. I’m definitely looking forward to that stage of life. And what you said about your daughter reminds me that yes, this is what we WANT. We want our kids to grow up and be independent. While I don’t want my kids living with me forever, I also don’t want them to go. I guess I just want to freeze time right where it is. Well, that wouldn’t work either. I don’t know what I want.
I read your previous post and wanted to comment but also didn’t want to sound like a misery. A few years ago I would happily plan or set long-term goals. Now, not so much. I feel like in today’s world I have to focus on making the most of today, because next year we could be in WW3. It’s horrible but that’s what I feel. At least, much of what I do to make the most of the present will also create the foundation for a good future in some contexts (like fitness and health).
Your mug in the last photo is funny… even if wrong in so many ways. But I love the “what if” mug! A mindset we should all try to have!
Yes- I love that mug and am mad that my tea ball doesn’t fit in it!!! And maybe you’re right- we need to focus on making the most of today. The future could be… extra crazy.
Now I want to go back and read more comments!
Becoming an empty nester is a big transition but it happens more gradually than you think — college kids do come home, and maybe your daughter will go someplace where it’s easy to visit — my son went to a college 2 hrs away and played lacrosse so we had a reason to see him almost every weekend in the spring season at least.
Good luck on your mug quest! My husband doesn’t understand why I use the mugs that came with our dish set, but they are just the right size and feel!
Yes, my daughter will probably stay closer to home. My son went so far away that we only saw him on the big holidays. It will still be a bi transition, not having her living in the house! But, you know that. Everyone goes through it and survives.
When I recommend visioning it’s definitely not supposed to be “oh this is what i want to do” type planning – it’s more “this is what a great life COULD look like” acknowledging that it’s one of many possible iterations. I totally agree trying to plan concrete things for 5 years from now would be really really hard! but thinking about the features you might be hoping for I think can help shape our shorter term goals in interesting ways!
Yes, I should do it that way. I’ve thought about writing it out almost as a short story, like it’s someone else’s life that I would like to have. It might be less scary that way.
I like the “everything’s fine” dumpster fire mug haha! I actually just got a sticker like that for my water bottle! But I get wanting to have a mug with a more positive message. Hopefully you can find one that works! I don’t drink hot drinks often so I’m not super picky about my mugs and I have a few that I like, but most of them are narrow and only 12 ounces.
I did not find a new mug, but I had a nice day otherwise. So you don’t drink hot drinks? I know other people like that. I LOVE hot drinks in the morning, even on the hottest summer day! I guess that’s kind of weird.
I love being an empty esp. since both sins are self sufficient and happy.
I love my Starbucks mugs. They represent places I’ve been.
Oh, do you have the “been there” series of mugs? My husband loves those too! I tried them (they’re nice and wide) but there was something I didn’t like about them- the handle? They just didn’t feel comfortable in my hand. I told you I’m picky!
I feel a little bit guilty when reading this because I can’t say that I ADORE this stage of life. The young kid stage is really hard for me. I seem to do better with elementary-aged kids. I haven’t missed previous ages of the kids, like the baby and toddler stage. I can see myself missing the elementary school years because it has been a mostly joyful stage of life! My 5 year old just really really really pushes my buttons and can be so difficult and I don’t always have the patience or bandwidth to handle it. But I know each year with them under our roof is a gift and that the years will go by fast! Will is starting OT today and I am hoping that helps w/ some of the emotional regulations issues.
I can see how the empty nest stage is daunting, though! I am glad your kids are spaced out so you don’t enter it too swiftly! I think my parents were honestly relieved by the time they got to the empty nest stage since their 5 years spanned 17 years. So they were just very ready for that stage. Plus they were 58 so not super young. That’s how hold I’ll be when we hit the empty nest stage, too. Which is also the age of someone that we know that passed away suddenly this week so it’s making me extra motivated to get to the early retirement stage sooner than later since we never know what awaits us. (Geez I am not leaving an uplifting comment… I’m sorry… things are quite bleak here this week).
So… the funny thing is, I went through a TERRIBLE phase when my daughter was a toddler. She was so, so, so, so difficult and I basically hated my life. Funny how I tend to forget about that! But I still miss it in a way, and I agree the elementary school years are probably the best.
Jenny, I’m absolutely LOVING my empty nest life! I did the devoted, loving, full-time mom thing for 25 years, and I adore my kids. But it is so freeing even in small things like being able to make travel plans or take on extra work or go out to dinner or NOT CHECK ALLERGEN INFO when I cook OMG.
A and I feel like we’re on a honeymoon all of the time.
Keep an open mind, maybe you’ll like it too!
This is nice to hear! I’m sure there will be things I love about it as well. I just have to get over the initial sadness, I think. I’m glad you’re loving it so much.
What Maya said about the empty nest, although ours is only a semi-empty nest with kids in college. It’s a season of life that will set in gradually. Also, it’s not here yet! So in the spirit of your make every day count philosophy, enjoy every day in your not-empty nest.
I’m excited for your day today and can’t wait to see the winning mug. I do have affection for my coffee and tea mugs – I have my Wifey and Thug Wife mugs, two FLW mugs, A Freak in the Sheets mug that was a gift from Hubs (that’s an Excel reference lol), and a few others. Hubs only drinks out of plain mugs and I don’t get it.
You’re 100% correct- the empty nest is not here yet. I should enjoy every day I have with my daughter and not dwell on the future as much.
I did not find a mug yesterday, so the quest continues. My husband also does not care what he drinks out of, which is baffling.
I basically only drink out of one mug. It’s a Harry Potter mug and it’s huge and has a great handle and it has some cracks in it and I’m sad that I might have to replace it soon!
I know that mug! I love it. I might only use that one if I had it.
I love my kids but I’m also excited for an empty nest. I *think* I’m going to mostly love it? I had kids when I was quite young (relatively speaking) so I really haven’t had a chance to be an adult WITHOUT having to care for kids! But every transition is… a lot. And you’re also preparing for your son to get married so that’s a lot of change in a short period of time!
I have a few favourite mugs and absolutely prefer drinking out of those!! All mugs are NOT created equal. Can’t wait to see what you found!!!
Yes, you’re in a different position. You’ll still be pretty young when your kids are gone, so you’ll be able to kind of have a second “life”. I was way older when I had my kids, so I had my “other life” before I had them.
Oh Jenny, you KNOW I get attached to my mugs. I have so many (and always want to add more! Much too my husband’s dismay LOL) I hope you find a mug that is wide and feels “right “in your hand 🙂
San, the only one I have now that works is the one you gave me a couple years ago for Secret Santa! I’ll have to post a photo of it.
Having a good mug is important! I’m a little sad that the mug I got in London is not as big as I would like. It barely holds 12oz of coffee! I have to be verrrry careful when I’m transporting it from my Keurig to my table, lol. I hope your mug shopping adventures were successful!