You guys, I can’t shake off this feeling of… ennui? Listlessness? Those words seem too strong. It’s not like I’m profoundly bored, or apathetic, or depressed. Things are going pretty well. But when I sit down to write a blog post, I have trouble because I feel like my life just isn’t that interesting.
I was mulling this over, and then today I listened to the latest episode of the Happier podcast. Gretchen asked one of her “know yourself better” questions- Are you nostalgic, or expectant?
Aha! I’m definitely expectant. As a matter of fact, nostalgia makes me sad (on the podcast, Elizabeth shared that her son feels the same way). I have a limited tolerance for looking at old photos. I think there’s a small box of my kids’ baby and toddler clothes somewhere, but I don’t care to take them out and look at them.
I get sad when I think back too much about when they were little- BUT- as an “expectant” person I’m very much looking forward to grandchildren. Paul and Isabel tell me I’ll have to wait five years, and I’m patiently counting down the days.
I know I have to lean into the moment and embrace this phase of life. But I still feel like I’m waiting for something to happen, rather than being actively engaged in a project. Is it time to sign up for another race???? HMMMM!
Meanwhile… let’s look at the things making my life good right now:
- MORE SLEEP. I’ve moved my workouts from early morning to after work. This schedule definitely won’t work when I’m doing longer runs, but for now I’m enjoying sleeping an extra hour. Not only that, but just the fact that I’m getting up at 6:15 instead of 5:15 feels luxurious and relaxing, so I’m less likely to worry at night.
- THE CATS. I know I go on and on about them, but they really do bring me so much joy. They’re all getting along great with each other, and they’re each so lovable in their own unique ways.
- READING. I was just at the library and came back with this haul:
The top book is Stone Monkey, the fourth in the Lincoln Rhyme series. Bottom book is Lake Effect, which I’ve already started. I’m liking it so far!
Are you “expectant” or “nostalgic?”
What’s making your life good right now?
Top photo by Farhat Altaf on Unsplash
29 Responses
Jenny, I wonder if your feeling is due to your race. Often after a long race, where I have trained for a while and had the anticipation of this big event coming up, I feel a sense of listlessness because it is over. This can happen with any big event; I get the same feeling after a long hike or bike ride or travel period. Like…what now? Perhaps you need to sign up for another race and then you will feel better?
I think you’re probably right, Kyria! I happen to be looking at races right now…
Look how tiny Sylvie is!
I’m mostly neither- a little nostalgia is okay, a little looking forward, but mostly head down get through the day.
You are in a lull- after Paul’s visit and a few months before wedding. Maybe you need a short term challenge to lift your spirits? Or try a new hobby? There is always shoe shopping, but that can be depressing.
Well, I do still have things to buy for the wedding, shoes being one of them. I agree, shopping can go either way though- sometimes it’s NOT fun.
It’s funny you say that about Sylvie because we think she’s getting so big!!!
I’m both nostalgic and expectant, but mostly live day by day, noticing small wonders (the book called small wonders is great ,was about to blog about it).
I agree with Kyrie that it may be related to end of a big project. what’s in your plan next? even if it’s 2 years plan, it helps to structure the “training”.
cats definitely is on my list of good life.
What is this book??? I hope you blog about it, it sounds good!
I could have written the exact first paragraph, Jenny!!! This is a weird feeling. I think labeling it “expectant” helps – I am looking at a busy end to April, a busier May, and a summer that isn’t yet fully formed. Ugh! It makes me feel whiny and fretful and like I don’t know what to do next.
I love your list. My cat definitely brings me so much joy – and I love seeing my friends’ cats too!
Thank goodness we’re not allergic, right? My daughter’s best friend is allergic to cats. She always wants to pet ours when she’s here and then it makes her sick.
Okay, so we’re “expectant.” But still a little listless…
I think Kyria is right! There’s often a big letdown after something that has been anticipated for a long while, and I think you were anticipating that race for over a year?
I’m not a big fan of Rubin so I am just going to say that I am both things! I like thinking back about the kids and I like thinking forward too. But mostly I’m trying to be in the present, I guess. (I know everyone loves Rubin but I DO NOT!!!! Anyway. I’ll leave it at that. I will not yuck anyone’s yum!)
Things that bring me happiness today: I’m going to do some weeding, which I genuinely love. My little seeds are all sprouting. I’m about to start my yoga practice. Jake is eating his breakfast beside me and heading to work. I’m making pasta salad for dinner! All lovely things.
Nicole, someday I want to talk to you and understand why you don’t like Gretchen Rubin!!! I actually always think of that when I’m listening to her.
You have a lot of good things there… sounds like a really nice day.
I’m 100% expectant. I have a hard time looking back at photos, etc! I am always looking ahead to what’s next!
Thank you for commenting, Aly!!! I never really thought about the “nostalgic vs. expectant” thing until Gretchen brought it up. I kind of wondered why my husband keeps mentioning things from the past and looking at old photos on his phone. Now I get it- we’re opposites in this way.
I guess I like nostalgia, but anticipation is what’s huge for me. Someone once asked me one of those icebreaker questions, how would I feel being told I was leaving tomorrow for a trip to London, and my first thought wasn’t excitement, it was almost panic. But I’m not ready! I don’t know what I want to bring, what I want to see…it felt almost like I couldn’t enjoy a trip like that. Yeah, I’m not spontaneous, I want to plan, I enjoy it. I’m going away next month and right now, I’m really enjoying thinking about the details.
I totally agree! Planning and anticipating is half the fun. I would love to hear from someone who would be totally excited about a sudden trip to London- that would be a very spontaneous person.
I agree that you’re probably feeling kinda letdown after your big goal race! It’s good to have some time off from chasing a goal so you don’t get burned out but it also helps to have something else to look forward to.
I would love to sleep in til 6:15 on a weekday! I mean I suppose I could since it’s still not super hot yet in the afternoons but I do really enjoy running before work and knowing nothing will come up to disrupt that. I wish I was able to just start work an hour later (but still end at the same time haha) so I could sleep in an extra hour and still get my run done before work!
It’s definitely a tradeoff. I love the extra sleep, but then all day I do have the workout hanging over my head. It helps that I’m not doing anything really long or hard now. Even if I have a little bit of anxiety over a run later in the day, I figure it’s only 4 miles- how hard could that possibly be?
I am somewhat expectant. I am not nostalgic or sentimental in general. I don’t get sad when things are over typically either because I don’t have a strong sense of anticipatory joy. I am just sort of in the middle of the bell curve of emotions at nearly all times.
But I can relate to your sense of ennui. I’ve felt that way for several months now. I know part of it is the weather. Another part is traveling again and not feeling super excited about being back out on the road. I am so tired of talking about the Iran conflict and trying to predict when it might end and how it impacts markets, but I can’t avoid the topic. It just makes me tired thinking about it. I haven’t blogged in about a week as I feel like I don’t have much to say. But I figure this feeling will pass when summer arrives and I get a break from travel.
Yes, it could be that the news is wearying. So many things could be causing ennui right now. Well… like you said, it will pass. I notice you hadn’t blogged in a few days!
JENNY! The weather has turned. I can wear dresses! I can go outside after dinner and there’s still sunlight. I am like a brand new person. I’m sorry you are suffering from ennui, but you should know that somewhere in Wisconsin is a lady who is living her very best life.
Also, I helped my nephew with ACT prep (we met via Zoom for three 1.5 hour meetings) and his English subscore went from a 22 to a 26. His superscore went up from 26 to 28. I was so thrilled for him. That was also a win for me.
And so far 0/2 of my morning meetings have shown up, so I’ve gotten so much work done! Woot!
Well, I’m glad you are living your best life!!! I agree- springtime up north is one of the best things ever. I’m sure if I lived up there- if I had actually survived the winter- I would be pretty happy right now too.
I think I’m much more expectant, but not anti-nostalgia -I love old pix and blog posts and videos. (I was very EXPECTANT about the reunion I attended which was very NOSTALGIC, haha).
I agree you need a PROJECT! Doesn’t have to be a race – something reading centered? Musical? Writing?? (I would read a book called Every Day Counts by Jenny S!)
(additional note: I tend to get sad about the impending weather doom here, so maybe that’s adding to it! like every nice day is “welp this might be the last one until November . . .”
That is so, so true. All we have is hideous weather to look forward to. I’m not excited about summer running, that’s for sure.
Both but mostly expectant.
You need a race. Or try pickleball. It seems it’s everywhere in Florida.
The state if our country and the world makes me sad. I’m not thrilled with my job. But I can’t imagine retiring.
I’m looking forward to summer. Florida. Planting flowers. Boating. Hiking. Racing.
Yes. Sign up for a race!
Darlene, I feel like I would suck at pickleball (I tried tennis a long time ago and wasn’t good at that.) But you’re right- something new would be good. You have a lot to look forward to with summer coming- and a trip to Florida! You’ll be pretty happy with the weather down here.
I am definitely nostalgic. My life is also not that interesting to me BUT it’s interesting to other people.
I look through old photos all the time, sometimes with sadness,sometimes with tremendous compassion for myself. Pandemic, a two year old and a new baby. Those were some hard times. My mental health was in shambles, I just want to hug that past me so very tight.
Things that pull me out of nostalgia: reading, tidying the house, writing, and blogging.
Okay, it’s interesting that you’re nostalgic- even though nostalgia also can make you sad. I guess the key is, you’re looking back with compassion. So looking back is a valuable exercise for you.
I enjoy anticipation, having something to look forward to is important for me. I am sentimental and enjoy looking at things in the past as well. I sometimes have trouble being in the moment and enjoying it, which is frustrating for me. I am working on that. I’m sorry you’re feeling blah. I’m sure it’s because you put so much work into the race and now it’s over. You have a big event coming, but it’s still far enough away and there isn’t a lot for you to do…like with your race, you had to plan and have a strategy and everything. But with your son’s wedding, it’s mostly their decisions, right?
I usually get this ennui feeling in February. The new year’s energy has worn off and not much exciting happens in February, so it leaves me feeling BLAH. I definitely need things to look forward to! My reading retreat was the big thing I was looking forward to in the first part of the year. I also have some girls’ weekends coming up in June and then a big New England road trip in the fall. Something to plan for!