You guys, I can’t shake off this feeling of… ennui? Listlessness? Those words seem too strong. It’s not like I’m profoundly bored, or apathetic, or depressed. Things are going pretty well. But when I sit down to write a blog post, I have trouble because I feel like my life just isn’t that interesting.
I was mulling this over, and then today I listened to the latest episode of the Happier podcast. Gretchen asked one of her “know yourself better” questions- Are you nostalgic, or expectant?
Aha! I’m definitely expectant. As a matter of fact, nostalgia makes me sad (on the podcast, Elizabeth shared that her son feels the same way). I have a limited tolerance for looking at old photos. I think there’s a small box of my kids’ baby and toddler clothes somewhere, but I don’t care to take them out and look at them.
I get sad when I think back too much about when they were little- BUT- as an “expectant” person I’m very much looking forward to grandchildren. Paul and Isabel tell me I’ll have to wait five years, and I’m patiently counting down the days.
I know I have to lean into the moment and embrace this phase of life. But I still feel like I’m waiting for something to happen, rather than being actively engaged in a project. Is it time to sign up for another race???? HMMMM!
Meanwhile… let’s look at the things making my life good right now:
- MORE SLEEP. I’ve moved my workouts from early morning to after work. This schedule definitely won’t work when I’m doing longer runs, but for now I’m enjoying sleeping an extra hour. Not only that, but just the fact that I’m getting up at 6:15 instead of 5:15 feels luxurious and relaxing, so I’m less likely to worry at night.
- THE CATS. I know I go on and on about them, but they really do bring me so much joy. They’re all getting along great with each other, and they’re each so lovable in their own unique ways.
- READING. I was just at the library and came back with this haul:
The top book is Stone Monkey, the fourth in the Lincoln Rhyme series. Bottom book is Lake Effect, which I’ve already started. I’m liking it so far!
Are you “expectant” or “nostalgic?”
What’s making your life good right now?
Top photo by Farhat Altaf on Unsplash
One Response
Jenny, I wonder if your feeling is due to your race. Often after a long race, where I have trained for a while and had the anticipation of this big event coming up, I feel a sense of listlessness because it is over. This can happen with any big event; I get the same feeling after a long hike or bike ride or travel period. Like…what now? Perhaps you need to sign up for another race and then you will feel better?