It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these! There are reasons for that, as we will soon see.
I’ve read a bunch of books lately that were good, but I just didn’t have anything interesting to say about them. I’ve read three of the Lincoln Rhyme books by Jeffery Deaver, about a quadriplegic detective. These are good! Interesting plots, and fun to read.
I also read The Bridge Kingdom by Danielle L. Jensen. It was okay. Is a book considered “fantasy” just because it takes place in a made-up country? I mean, there were no magical elements or interesting creatures in this book. It was an adventure-romance story, and is part of a series. I didn’t like it enough to continue with the next book.
I Am Pilgrim by Terry Hayes was a really interesting political thriller. The thing is, and I keep forgetting this, I don’t really like political thrillers. I heard Louise Penny is writing another one. DO NOT LET ME READ IT.
Okay! FINALLY, I read a truly great book- Lake Effect by Cynthia D’Aprix Sweeney. In 1977, a man and woman decide to leave their spouses and marry each other. Considering the two families are neighbors and friends, this is scandalous enough, but in the 1970s these things just weren’t happening. The story follows the family members- especially the children- as they navigate this life-altering event through the years.
I loved it. I know I said recently that I’m not a nostalgic person, but I do have a deep nostalgia for the 1970s. Reading this book, I even felt a nostalgia for Rochester, which is odd because I’ve never been there. I think it’s similar in some ways to where I grew up- a town on a lake with long, gloomy winters- and it gave me strong feelings of my own childhood.
The only thing I didn’t like about this book was the ending, and this is definitely a “me” issue. It was too sad for me, but that’s based on my own personal life experiences. I wish it had ended a different way, but I can also see how the ending is beautiful and perfect as it is.
Okay, let’s talk about, in the words of Kelsey and Erica, “damn dinner.” The dinner situation around here reached a crisis point, and I’m officially no longer in charge of anyone else’s meal. Asking me “what’s for dinner?” is now akin to referring to Native Americans as “Indians” or men calling their secretaries “honey.” We used to think that was okay, but now we know better.
Instead, everyone understands they are on their own. Every once in a while when I’m in the mood- maybe once a week- I’ll make something for everyone, or, that is, my husband and me, and my daughter if she decides it’s “edible.” On other nights, I’m happy to throw some tofu in the air fryer for my daughter, my husband cooks his own frozen veggie burger, and I’ll usually roast a pan of vegetables.
My own favorite dinner lately is one of these tortillas…
with tofu and different veggies inside.
There were certain compromises involved. I now keep a carton of eggs for my daughter. It’s so strange to see them in the fridge, because I’ve been vegan for 35 years. But it’s something she can make for herself, and I can live with it (as opposed to, say, opening the fridge and seeing chicken).
No one is starving, we’re all much less stressed (especially me), and it’s all good.
I’m linking up with Jenn for Tuesday Topics. This week is a free topic (yay- I do well with those!) Next week’s topic: What’s one goal you’re proud of this spring?
Link Up With Tuesday Topics
Welcome back to Tuesday Topics, as Jenny, from Runners Fly joins Jenn at Runs With Pugs to co-host this link-up! Please join us every week for a new topic! Write on our weekly prompt or choose your own topic! Make sure to add your post to the link up, link back to your hosts, and comment on the other shared posts!
Have you solved the dinner problem?
Read any of these books?
Top photo by Ed Robertson on Unsplash
38 Responses
Congratulations for liberating yourself from dinner drama! The tortilla and veggies seems like a great option- you can vary it a lot while still keeping it simple.
I’ve read a bunch of Mercedes Lackey- the first 3 were good, the next one okay, and the second trilogy just bored me. Main character is a Mary Sue who acts like a stupid teenager though she’s supposed to be in her mid twenties. And way too much stuff kept being added that wasn’t mentioned before to pull off the ending. Maybe a better editor? Also the Very Secret Society of Irregular witches- fun and kept me engaged. I keep meaning to read Remarkably Bright Creatures ( son’s reading it for homeschool) but haven’t gotten to it yet.
If you read Remarkably Bright Creatures, I want to know what you think- I’ve heard mixed reviews about it, but mostly good.
Have you read it? I really liked it.
YESSSS!!!! DOWN WITH DINNER!!!!!
I hit publish too soon so let’s keep going. One person having to come up with meals for a group of people is just TOO DAMN MUCH. Ask me how I know.
I need to check out Lincoln Rhyme and Lake Effect. You already sold me, but when you add Rochester on top of that, I’m in! I spent a weekend there about two years ago and loved it.
I stumbled on a great road trip book when I was in WV. It’s called Follow the River, and it’s a novel based on a true story about a woman who was kidnapped by “Indians” in 1755. She escaped and it took her six weeks to walk back to her family, but she survived (barely). It definitely made me appreciate my car. My next move is going to be to see what else I can find out about the real story now that I’ve had the fiction version.
I worked with a person who is a descendant of the woman in Follow the River. She lent me her copy of the book as she wanted to share her ancestor’s amazing story. That was a harrowing tale- I would not have survived her struggles.
First of all, you could have just stopped with “DOWN WITH DINNER”- that pretty much says it all. Also, I like how you worked “Indians” into your comment. That books sounds amazing.
I love your new dinner plan! Our family used to have FFY night quite often (fend for yourself), although we did sit down to dinner together as much as possible. Probably what made it easier is that I made dinner a lot (or I feel like I did) as a kid so my parents didn’t have to do it all the time. We also ate a lot of chicken+rice+broccoli in my day; none of this pressure to have a different meal every night, or anything interesting or Instagram worthy!
Yes, I’m doing the vegan version of that- tofu+veggie+tortilla (or, it could be rice). I agree, it doesn’t have to be something new and different every single night.
Haha, “everyone’s on their own”! It’s definitely more efficient!
We’ve drifted into something similar. Since it’s just the two of us, we’ve become very relaxed and often sit together and eat but each reading our own thing, which I’m not sure I like.
Yesterday we actually talked and somehow ended up deep in a car discussion, which was surprisingly fun. It reminded me that dinner is less about the food and more about that shared time – I need to bring that back!
Yes, I also forgot to mention that part- we often sit in front of the TV, or we read. I know, it’s bad. Oh well.
great to be relieved from dinner plans. I still need to feed the girls but we’ve came to very simple things that requires 5-10 min. Because they come back for dinner late, 6 or 7:30pm due to activities, I usually eat dinner alone earlier, veg + tofu/bean+ kabobocha is my go to combo. Then I’ll make something quick for the girls, either reheating something from the freezer that I cook up on weekends, or butter pasta. no fuss dinner I would say.
I’m intrigued by the lake effect, will look it up.
A no fuss dinner sounds perfect. And, your girls are younger, AND they need food when they come back from their activities. Under those circumstances I would definitely be making their dinner.
I try to cook a few standards on Sunday and if we run out it’s Chinese take out.
My hubby and I eat anything and everything. No restrictions.
Haven’t read those books. Just reread the midnight library.
I like that plan- except that you spend time on Sunday cooking. I tried that and didn’t like giving up part of my Sunday. Maybe I’m just lazy.
I am so relieved for you that dinner duty is no longer your responsibility. I’m curious if Angie has consumed eggs for a while? They ARE an easy meal, that’s for sure.
Angie has not been vegan for maybe… a year? She’s been eating non-vegan foods out of the house for a while now. It’s only very recently that she eats them at home. The rule is, she has to cook it herself if she wants something non-vegan. I feel like that’s fair!
It’s so nice to have kids old enough that they can technically feed themselves!! In our house, we have one who will actually cook real food for himself if needed (or as desired), and one where if there’s no food cooked, he’ll just eat a ramen or frozen pizza or run to McDonald’s. 🙄 I find it a little concerning that he is SO LAZY about preparing food for himself, but it’s tough at this age. I guess I could try to make him cook with me/ for us sometimes, but usually he’s off at sports and stuff during that time… hmph. Anyway, I’m glad you took that off your plate! Sounds like a good plan. I’d be pretty happy honestly to just eat my own thing much of the time, too. I feel like between everyone’s “preferences” it’s so hard to hit a home run that magically pleases everyone (and also satisfies my current “protein kick” for myself…).
Yes, that’s exactly it- it was impossible to make a meal that satisfied my needs, and everyone else’s. There was always someone unhappy, and that’s not a fun way to live. About your “lazy” kid… my son NEVER cooked for himself in high school- he could barely pour himself a bowl of cereal. Then he went to college and learned how to cook just fine, and now he enjoys it. So… don’t worry. They’ll learn when they need to.
I don’t know how to say this without sounding boastful, Jenny – I almost didn’t comment because I didn’t want to come across as braggy. But, well, I guess we all have our things. Anyway, dinner is not a problem in our house. I like to cook and I like to eat, so I rotate through different recipes each week and no one complains. On the contrary, everyone seems to enjoy them! Compromises are made – the guys eat meat, so there’s that, but we are all on our own journeys, so it doesn’t really bother me. It’s important to me that we have dinner together, and, I don’t know, they eat what I make. I’m sorry! I know that sounds like a brag.
But! I’m happy for you because it sounds like dinner WAS a drag at your house. I think I’d totally quit too if what I made was met with complaints. Nothing makes me madder than when you put effort into a thing and then it goes unappreciated. So you obviously did the right thing! If you’re going to complain, make your own damn meal!
I know you love to cook, and if I were in your situation, I might too. It’s hard for me to imagine that there are families where everyone enjoys eating the same meal, but you’re proof that it’s possible!
I’m all about simple meals! Living alone I pretty much have to cook for myself but I only have a couple hours of free time after work and I don’t want to spend them making some complicated recipe so I have a few regular dinner options I rotate through that take 10 minutes or less. If I’m feeling fancy, I’ll sometimes make something more exciting on a weekend that gives me leftovers for a few days but usually I’m making my meals day of (or the night before for work lunches). I’m glad you don’t have to worry about making dinner for everyone else now!
Yes, I would just rather eat something quick and simple. And, the quick simple meals I’ve been making taste good, so why should I make things more complicated? Like you, every once in a while I’ll make something on the weekend, but then I’ll try to make a lot of it so it at least lasts a couple nights.
Ooh, the Lake Effect book sounded intriguing! I totally know the food situation you’re experiencing! When it was down to the last daughter at home, we had a similar “to each man himself” when it came to weeknights.
Yes, I think it’s a thing when there’s just one kid left!
I haven’t read any of your listed books. I’m struggling through one right now and need to put it aside, but I just can’t. It’s kind of like cleaning my plate – I feel the need to finish it.
We are, and have always been, very traditional when it comes to dinner. I pretty much always cook and my husband often cleans up. We eat salmon and roasted veggies a couple of nights a week and tonight’s dinner will be a delicious veggie bowl. Cover your eyes for this – I also occasionally make chicken or beef.
Ha ha… your dinners sound good. And it sounds like you have a system that works for both of you. That’s nice!
I plan to read Lake Effect. I have heard nothing but good things about it! It will be my first book by that author.
Ugh. Dinner. We only make 2-3 meals per week and then survive on left overs. It’s not ideal but works in this stage of life. And the kids almost always eat a different meal. But we get home with the kids around 5ish and they are famished. So we serve things things we can make fast and then eat after then most nights. It’s not the family meal time I envisioned but it is what has to happen at this point!
Yep, it’s just not possible to sit down for a big family dinner where everyone eats the same thing at the same time, for most families. I think it’s fine. And- I’m pretty sure you’ll like Lake Effect. I know you don’t like books about infidelity, but I feel like it’s dealt with well in this one, and the characters are really complex and interesting.
Wait…you don’t make dinner for other people? How does that even work? Are you all in the kitchen at the same time? Can you tell me more of your ways so I can avoid the damn dinner thing?
Okay, that is an issue, I’ll admit. Our kitchen is SMALL and it doesn’t work to have all three of us in there. But since everyone is making something simple, it’s possible. I kind of pop my veggies in the oven and get out of there if someone else is cooking. Also, my daughter doesn’t usually cook at the same time as us. That wouldn’t work. So… it’s not an ideal situation, but it’s working well enough.
FREE AT LAST!!!!
A household where people complain about what is put before them is a household where people cook for themselves, I say. ALSO, the idea of one person being responsible for figuring out all of the dinners for everyone is BS, unless like Nicole, you enjoy it.
I like cooking, and my family knows better than to gripe. We do have different needs/wants though. My husband is working to get his A1C numbers down, so he’s pretty low carb (I need to watch for those tortillas, I’ve never seen them) and my daughter is pescatarian (but doesn’t eat much fish). She’s an adult and lives with us. What works for us is for her to cook one night a week (she works from home on Mondays, so that’s her night), I cook 3 nights, my husband cooks on weekends, and on Fridays we generally go out to dinner. I still want to kill anyone who asks me what they should make when it’s their turn, because the mental load is most of it for me, not the cooking.
I laughed when you said you were nostalgic for Rochester but had never been to Rochester, but then your explanation made perfect sense.
Being a person of a certain age, I also grew up in the ‘70s. My childhood was pretty untraditional, unmarried single mom, we lived with a bunch of roommates in interior Alaska…I wonder if this book might appeal to me. Hmmm. Going to put it on my TBR and see.
Why must dinner be so difficult???
I could eat a baked potato or girl dinner every night (just things like pretzel chips, hummus, olives, pickles, carrot sticks, whatever). The boys are the one who want to eat. Rude.
Woot woot! Dinner liberation!!!! Go, you! I am not at a point in my life where I am able to give up making dinner completely, but I have cut back — and I will just have to live vicariously through you!
I’m so happy you liked Lake Effect! I also have nostalgia for the 1970s, which is why I like Tom Perrota’s books. Did you read The Nest, the author’s other book? It’s another good one. She nails the family dynamics.
The hubs and I take turns cooking. He’s a much better cook than me and actually enjoys it. I make more simple meals, but I do the meal planning, which means we have more healthy foods.
I hate it when a book leaves me too sad or unsettled or things unresolved. I’ve heard lots of likes of Lake Effect. I’ve not read any of these books, but I laughed at you reading a political thriller and forgetting you don’t like those. Bah ha ha. The dinner thing is not solved here- but we have a lot less people living at home, so I can make something and we can enjoy leftovers for a while. I also just showed Kay how to make pizza casserole, so maybe that’ll help – delegating.
I also really liked Lake Effect.
Our dinner situation is very sad. My husband and I fend for ourselves, and often we both end up just having sandwiches. I do fix something a few times a week so I can have leftovers.
I’m glad you liked Lake Effect! It’s definitely a book that has stuck with me. I didn’t mind the ending, but I could definitely see how it could be too sad for some people. It made me teary!
I’m glad you have thrown the white flag about dinner. Let them fend for themselves, especially if they’re going to complain about what you make!