That “first sip feeling”, indeed! It’s especially poignant when you haven’t tasted your favorite beverage in weeks. I mentioned that I had an Earl Grey tea on Monday, after weeks- pretty much the whole summer- of green tea. Several people asked how it went.
YOU GUYS, IT IS AMAZING! I love it even more than I used to. To be clear, I’m not having Earl Grey every day. I’m going with every other day for now, with my gunpowder green tea on the days in between. I just want to ease into it and make sure my digestion is okay (although at this point, if a cup of Earl Grey wrecks my digestion, I might just throw up my hands in defeat). So far, so good!
If we were having coffee together (or, TEA!!!) I would tell you I feel like we’ve NAILED the first week of school! We leave extra early in the morning so the traffic is manageable- and by the time I drop off and am driving away from the school, cars are backed up for about a mile. Leaving ten minutes early saves us at least half an hour.
However. I realized that now I only have ONE MORE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL left. In my entire life. How…what… I feel an existential crisis coming on- stay tuned.
Speaking of first days- my son leaves for Northwestern tomorrow. I’ll be sad to say goodbye, and I’m also excited for him to start this new adventure. We’ve had a lot of great conversations lately, both on our road trip and while he’s been home. I think we’re closer than we’ve ever been- and at the same time, he’s growing farther away from us in the most natural and healthy way possible.
He’s moved past the “student who comes home for every vacation” phase and into “adult with his own life.” Adults don’t necessarily come home to their parents every time they have a break in their schedule! His girlfriend is still in Waco, and he has plans to visit her on his spring break this year. Assuming that they stay together, his time will be divided between us, and her and her family. And that’s fine! It’s what we all want for our kids, right?
Paul and I have talked this through, and agreed to stay in closer touch via phone calls and emails. And I have my fall trip planned! At least, in my mind. I don’t know the dates yet- but I will be going up to visit him in October.
Four years ago, someone told me that college is a “good transitional phase”, and now I understand that. They go in as the child you’ve taken care of for 18 years, and four years later everyone involved has achieved a new degree of independence.
Phew. That’s enough deep thoughts for one day. I’m off to the first high school football game of the season- I need some mindless fun!
What would you tell me over coffee? Anyone else have an existential crisis looming?
23 Responses
I have anticipated nostalgia about girls leaving, like very very often! I know it won’t prepare me for when it happens but I find it as a good reminder to enjoy while I still have it. the other thought that comes to my mind is how our marriage will change once kids leave since so much of our conversations and things we do together is around kids. that topic is less talked about and I wonder.
Coco, I think that is a HUGE topic. Right now I almost can’t imagine relating to my husband in the absence of kids- it definitely does change a marriage. Well, I’ll be able to experience it first and report back!
Awww. I get it. We’ve been fortunate as it’s been a soft landing for us so far – Mark is so close that he visits often, and Jake is still living with us. And of course adults have their own lives and do their own things – but it’s a transition for sure.
I see what Coco has said above about marriage changing with the kids leaving and that is a thing for sure. I feel like our marriage has changed, particularly with Rob being retired now. It’s changed for the better but there was, again, a transitional period to be sure. But then again, Jake graduated high school, we moved provinces, Mark left for university, and Rob retired ALL IN A THREE MONTH SPAN. So it was all the changes all at once!
Yes Nicole, you had a LOT of changes all at once! Ours will probably be a little more gradual, but I do see us moving at some point down the line.
Woo hoo on a successful launch of the new school year! And for easing Earl Gray back in. I know, only one more first day of school, but something tells me that you’ll adapt well to the change of only having to get yourself out of the door in the mornings;-)
We have hella change on the horizon, since both boys will be living at school in just a few weeks. It’s going to be very good for both of them, and I’m excited to see what they do.
I know- when I start to feel sad about my daughter leaving, I remind myself that life will be easier! I’ll have so much more time! So- there will be pros and cons.
Yay for the Earl Grey reintroduction and the first week of school going well!
If it helps, I’m actually closer now to my parents, at age 33, than ever before! It helps that I live two hours away from them so I’m able to see them a couple times a month and when I have breaks from work that aren’t running vacations, I’m usually staying with them. I also text my mom daily and stay in touch however I can. But even when I lived in a different state than my parents after college, they would visit a few times a year and we stayed pretty connected. So it’s definitely possible that you and your son can stay close, it just might look a little different!
I agree- it’s just going to look different. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want “different” but I know it has to happen. People always say having adult children is fun, and I believe it.
I’m glad you get to enjoy your earl grey tea again. Sounds like the first day of school went well. My kids have their first day over a week from now but I hope we can nail it also.
Well, you have multiple kids so it will be a little more of a challenge, but you can definitely nail it! Get up early and give everyone LOTS of time. Good luck!
Jenny, I honestly don’t think anyone wants to have coffee with me right now. There’s TOO MUCH. And not much of it is good. Although I did have a very frank conversation with someone at work about a disaster and got an email with the line “Your candor was quite helpful” and if we had coffee, I would definitely tell you all about that mess.
We still have (checks calendar) eighteen days until the Fall semester starts, so I am ignoring all back to school talk until then!
Engie, I would be more than happy to hear you vent! Let’s get coffee and you can tell me EVERYTHING.
I thought of you yesterday! Someone asked if I liked Earl Grey. No, I don’t but I do love that bergamot smell.
Then the same person asked me what bergamot actually is… and I had to admit that I didn’t really know. I had to Google it – turns out it’s a fancy hybrid between a lime and a bitter orange.
How have I been smelling this for years without knowing what it was?
Yes, it’s a citrus fruit! And bergamot is a natural anti-depressant. i really love the smell, as well as the taste.
I am glad BTS went smoothly for you. Leaving 10 minutes early to save 30 minutes is great time math!!
I seem less prone to nostalgia/sentimentality in general so I don’t feel any sort of existential crisis coming for me… but I have mostly said goodbye to stages of parenting that I can’t say I LOVED (babies and toddlers – babies were fine, toddler/early PK is probably my least favorite stage so far). Maybe I will feel sad when Paul leaves elementary school. Time will tell! Will starts PK at Paul’s school this fall and we are THRILLED about that. Today is his last day of daycare since he’ll be at the lake for the next 2 weeks and I don’t feel any sense of sadness – just relief that he won’t have daily access to a sandbox anymore. Ha.
I love that you are getting closer to Paul! We still vacation with my parents, so you have lots more exciting times ahead of you with Paul as he grows and enters true adulthood! The key is working to maintain that closeness which you are great at!
Yes, everyone says parenting adult children is great, and I’m beginning to see that.
Yay that Will is graduating from the sandbox, ha ha! Yes, that will make your life easier- and the fact that he’s going to Paul’s school. This could be the start of a whole new (easier) phase for you.
I’m so glad that you are able to enjoy your beloved Earl G again! That first sip of a favourite beverage is just the best.
I really love reading about how close you and Paul are; it’s heartwarming.
I have to say I’m not dreading the empty nest stage at all. Maybe it will be harder than I’m expecting? I was married and had kids young, so I never really had time to adventure and spread my wings. I don’t regret the order I did things (I’ll be relatively young when my kids are grown) BUT it means that I am really anxious to have time without kids. I went from university to kids immediately and it was…a lot!
That’s interesting, because I did the opposite. i had a lot of time (and adventures) before I had kids. I can see how you would be feeling lie you have a whole other life ahead of you, whereas I’m like, Now what??? But I should shift my perspective- I should embrace the empty next as another adventure as well.
That’s so exciting that you have a trip planned to see your son. It will be such an exciting change for him! It is an odd change to have our kids doing independent things during spring break. I don’t think either of our college kids will be coming home for that break… so I need to plan a vacation too 🙂 Our home will be super quiet in just a week. It will be a big change!! Not sure I’m ready for that again. It’s been a fun summer having the kids home.
I feel like having kids is a never-ending existential crisis (especially when I’m a champion over-thinker to begin with). We’re at another transitional stage – son lives in North Carolina, daughter graduated from undergrad and has been home for four months and now is moving back to the same place but for a master’s that goes straight through for two years. Exciting to help set up her apartment and sad because MY BABIES, DAMMIT.
Fingers crossed that you can keep the Earl Grey with no ill effects.
Transitions are tough for sure… I feel like high school is a transition in itself. With all of my older kid’s activities, I got to see them less and less in teh evenings and over the weekends and that sort of prepared me for them going away to college…
I’m so happy you’re reunited with your Earl Grey… It must feel so good… and now that song is playing in my head…
I hope you have the same relationship with your kids as I do with my mom! She’s my friend (my best friend) but she’s also still my mom and the one I turn to for advice first. I still can’t wait to tell her my good news and to help me when I get bad news. It’s the most special relationship in my life!
That is so true about that transitional phase – you get used to them being away and only home for summer/holidays… and then it doesn’t feel like such a stark difference when they are truly out of the house and building their own lives! I love that you are talking about this subject. I think it’s so helpful!
Yessssss the first sip feeling